Whether Your Stimulus Check Has Already Hit Or You’re Still Waiting, Here Are Some Super Dallas Ways To Waste The $1,400 Burning A Hole In Your Pocket.

Maybe you’ve already received your third federal stimulus check — another $1,400 for qualified recipients that’s being shipped out to citizens in the name of COVID-19 relief.

On the other hand, maybe you haven’t.

If you’re in the latter camp and you’re curious about the status of your stimmy arrival, you can check in on it here. You can also take heart in the fact that the IRS says a good deal many more of these checks should be headed out to those expecting them this week.

The real question is what you’re going to do with that money.

If you’re the stereotypical Dallasite, you’ve got plenty of options. As we’ve done previously when compiling the most Dallas ways for you to shelter in place and also some various Dallas-specific reasons why you don’t have to worry about what’s in the the vaccine, here’s another list of Dallas-specific ideas — especially if you want to spend all of your $1,400 in one place.

The 25 Most Dallas Ways To Blow Your Stimmy Check:

  1. on one steak entree at Salt Bae’s Nusr-Et Steakhouse
  2. on Post Malone-branded Crocs
  3. on bottle service, duh
  4. on one month’s deposit on a sub-900-square-foot 1-bedroom, 1-bathroom apartment within a gentrification building in an “up-and-coming” neighborhood
  5. on a decent amount of supremely mid-grade cocaine
  6. on a kayak you’ll take out on White Rock Lake exactly one time
  7. on a single Alto ride to the Dallas Police Department’s West Dallas automobile impound lot
  8. on a personal seat license at AT&T Stadium
  9. on a trunk’s worth of Fuel City tacos
  10. on a plate at a Donald Trump 2024 fundraising dinner in Preston Hollow
  11. on NorthPark gold
  12. on art for your dentist office’s waiting room at the Deep Ellum Arts Festival
  13. on an NFT of a Mark Cuban tweet
  14. on some new furniture for the mayor’s office
  15. on a party bus trip to WinStar
  16. on a murderous, exploding police robot
  17. on an Instagram photoshoot alongside some of Deep Ellum’s edgiest murals
  18. on a Botox injection from one of D Magazine’s Best Dallas Doctors
  19. on a game-worn Joey Gallo jersey (but, y’know, right before he gets traded away from the Rangers)
  20. on a new tuxedo to rock at the next Margarita Ball
  21. on an authentic night out in Fort Worth
  22. on some Neiman Marcus Christmas gift ideas
  23. on as much Erykah Badu vagina-scented incense as you can find
  24. on Sunday night lap dances at Silver City
  25. on, like, three beers at the State Fair of Texas

What? You’re looking for actual ideas for how to spend you money?

You came to the wrong place, pal.

I guess you could support some social justice funds, mutual aid orgs or other relief funds. Or many other deserving charities. There are a lot of great cause out there that could use some boosting — like this list of Black-owned restaurants, or even our own Patreon.

On the other hand, you can just do you, and that’s totally OK too! Maybe pay down some debt — or save it. Or just spend it on whatever, like some new kicks you’ve been eyeing.

We really don’t care. We’re not your keeper. We won’t judge. (Unless you do one of the 25 joke things we listed.)

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