Get Lucky.

Have you been listening to the new Missing Richard Simmons podcast? It’s pretty interesting thus far, a tad sensational/conspiratorial, perhaps. But it also provides a pretty insightful look at the kind and caring and generous side of Simmons’ personal life that he mostly masks with high volume television appearances.

But rest easy, says the LAPD. They went and checked on him, and he’s fine. He’s not missing at all. He’s just hanging out at home, “doing exactly what he wants to do.”

Well there you have it. You can not only stop worrying about King Rich, you can also learn yet another valuable lesson from the guru. This weekend, do exactly what you want to do, regardless of how many dozen suggestions from us you’ll find below. — Cory Graves


Four-Year Anniversary, Night Two at Three Links
The good feelings and good party times roll on as our personal favorite spot in Ellum to watch a show celebrates four years of, well, hosting our favorite shows. This all-local bill features Dead Flowers, Cure for Paranoia, -topic, Tree (A.I.) and Vegan Shark. They’re not real vegans but they are real sharks. — CG

Sad13 at The Foundry (Free)
Last year, Speedy Ortiz frontwoman Sadie Dupuis released her solo debut as Sad13. The Malkmusian shredder retains some of the elements of that project here, though she’s not afraid to mix in some pop elements either. She once sang on one of Speedy’s tunes that she’s “not bossy, she’s the boss,” but never is that more true than here. — CG

Black Tiger Sex Machine at Lizard Lounge
In a high school somewhere in Cyrpress, Texas, there was a kid who loved to make up dumb band names, but they were really just words that were opposites of the original name. So, let’s give it a try: White Wolf Celibacy Handcraft. Woo, that was fun. Just about as much fun as this concert will be. You know how Lizard Lounge does, insane EDM shows with boss-ass deejays and rad lighting. — Roberto Aguilar

Dance Yourself Clean at Trees
The touring indie dance party rolls through. And, yes, there’ll be plenty of LCD Soundsystem. — CG

Gordon Lightfoot at Majestic Theatre
Ain’t nobody writes a sad song like Gordon Lightfoot. His two biggest songs are about the true story of a boat that sank in a lake, killing all 29 crew aboard (“The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald“) and what might just be the most gut-wrenching ballad off all time, “Alone Again, Naturally.” So, maybe bring along some tissues if you plan on hitting this one. — CG

Jon Wolfe at Gas Monkey Bar N’ Grill
Hayes Carll’s old roommate is trying to make a name for himself on that same Lone Star honky-tonk circuit. That way we start calling him by it instead of “Hayes Carll’s old roommate.” — CG

Dorothy at Cambridge Room
Fuzzy, blues-based rock ‘n’ roll a la The Kills or Black Keys is the bag of Los Angeles-based outfit Dorothy. Unlike those groups, or even the White Stripes, which they also kinda resemble, there is four people in this band. Twice as much hell raising we reckon, or the same amount delivered half as efficiently. — CG

KT Tunstall at Granada Theater
Last year, the Scottish-born pop-rocker released a new record she described as the spiritual follow-up to her first one – y’know, the one with “Suddenly I See” and “Black Horse in a Cherry Tree.” It’s like the first album of the second part of her life, or something like that. — CG

The Price is Right Live at Verizon Theatre
Come on down to GP for a live version of the world’s greatest pricing game, which will feature the big wheel, but no Bob Barker/Drew Carey. We’re told that prospective contestants should show up at least three hours before the 8 p.m. start time to throw their hats in the proverbial ring. — CG

UFO, Saxon at Gas Monkey Live
The ’70s English metal pioneers ins Saxon influenced the launch of U.S.-based acts like Metallica, Crue and even Pantera. But this isn’t just a nostalgia tour for the hard rocking seniors; they put out an albums in 2013 and 2015. — CG

Not My Presidents Day at The Nines
Disco-ing on the roof to raise money for the ACLU. — CG

Ugly God at Green Elephant
Even though he’s ugly, UG can get any girl. That’s because he’s the internet’s current favorite rapper. The cat meme-loving set loves it when you do things like sample the default iPhone ringtone while rhyming about beating your meat. — CG

Carrie Nation & the Speakeasy at Lola’s Trailer Park
Curious where this Wichita “brass and grass” band gets its name, check out this recent episode of Drunk History on the teetotaling, bar-busting betty. Ironic, because the band’s noir-ish folk makes us want to drink pretty heavily. — CG

Dear Rachel (Album Release) at Curtain Club
The Dallas band celebrates its newest release. Manny the Martyr, Page 9, Always The Alibi and LeQube open. — CG

Diavolo at Dallas City Performance Hall
Diavolo is a portmanteau of Latin words roughly translating to “from point to point I fly.” Combining theatrical elements and acrobatic performances of Cirque du Soleil with the creative movement of parkour and components of contemporary dance, Diavolo’s performance at the intimate DCP will make help the audience lose itself temporarily (that’s the name of the show, btw) through the performers’ interaction with ever-evolving, giant set pieces. — CG

National Accordion Association Convention at Hyatt Regency North Dallas Richardson
What’s the definition of a perfect pitch? When you toss an accordion into a dumpster without it hitting the sides, of course. — Pretty Much Everyone


Greenville Avenue St Patrick’s Day Parade
Make the most out of the next 24 hours by taking pictures with strange men, pretending to be Irish in exchange for free shots, and doing other things that any good mother would strongly advise against. It’s only fitting, as these traditions are just part of what makes the annual debauchery that is the Greenville Avenue St. Patrick’s Day Parade such a Dallas institution. Jimmy Eat World, Rooney and more play this year’s post-parade concert in Energy Square. — Katie Roberts

St. Paddy’s Dash Down Greenville at Central Market
This marks the 22nd running of the annual St. Paddy’s Day Dash Down Greenville. It’s a fine morning to celebrate (even if you’re just Irish for the day), and this year organizers are expecting a record number of participants to don their green and run/walk down Greenville just ahead of the parade. The only real question is whether you running away from paraders or towards the beer waiting at the finish line. — Lauren Rushing

Tater Tots and Beer Festival at Gateway Park
They’re capping this sucker at the first 1,000 through the gates to ensure there’s enough beer and tots to go around. So get there early, as it will sell out. Also, this thing is strictly adults, no babies allowed. — CG

Yes Liberation at Omni Dallas
On of Trumps scions and the Zodiac Killer Sen. Ted Cruz will be attending a fundraiser thing at the Omni. Go inside to give them money. Stay outside to march around and yell at them. — CG

Shops at Legacy Block Party at Ringo’s Pub
This Plano block party is bringing out all the party bands, including Kid N Play, the Mullet Boyz and a Lazer reunion gig. Because everyone’s Irish this weekend, even pretendsies Germans. — CG

Greenville Avenue St. Patrick’s Day Party at Sundown (Free)
Bands all day inside Sundown and up on the rooftop, and all kinds of shenanigans in the parking lot – -and only a mile walk down the closed off streets from St. Pat’s ground zero at Energy Square. — CG

Sleigh Bells at Granada Theater
Performing as just a two-piece with a guitarist and a vocalist, the Brooklyn-based electro-pop duo Sleigh Bells relies fairly heavily on backing tracks to pull off its sonically balls-out sound in live settings. But despite somewhat frequent criticism over how much of the band’s live show is, in fact, “live,” that hasn’t stopped the duo from selling out decent-sized Dallas venues in its past few times through town with relative ease. Given the time and place, they’ll likely do that again this time. — CG

Four-Year Anniversary, Night Three at Three Links
Four more years. Four more years. Los Skarnales, PEARS, Dead Words and Nonstarter play the third of Links’ anniversary shows. Here’s to four more! — CG

Randy Houser at Billy Bob’s
The guy that wrote “Honky-Tonk Badonkadonk” will play some better songs here – as in the ones he kept for himself. — CG

Bela Fleck & Abigail Washburn at Kessler Theater
Did you know that playing the banjo could win you a Grammy? What about 14 Grammys? Bela Fleck is undoubtedly one of the world’s most prominent banjo players (besides this kid), so seeing him in action with the also great Abigail Washburn should be a treat. — Chelsea Upton

Bring Me The Horizon at South Side Ballroom
The Brit metalcore group is currently on its biggest tour to date, on the heels of its “weirdest, darkest” album yet. UnderOath and Beartooth open. — CG

The Angelus (Album Release) at Texas Theatre
The Southern Gothic trio from Denton’s third album, the band’s first since 2011, is as brooding and droney as ever, and that’s intentional. The songs are meant to bleed into one another on an infinite loop of sorts. Vocalist and guitarist Emil Rapstine told Noisey: “The album is a song-cycle, a gapless album, with each song starting on the note where the previous song ends, allowing for the songs to transition into one another seamlessly to form a cohesive whole. The first and last song also share a common theme musically and lyrically bringing the album full-circle.” Mind Spiders, My Education and Blade Runner open. — CG

Locked & Loaded at Armoury, D.E. (Free)
Laure Briard, Whit and Steve Gnash play this week’s edition of the always free, always killer every Saturday rock show. — CG

Ha Ha Tonka at The Rustic (Free)
As much as the name of the Missouri band headlining this one conjures up images of a certain ’90s WWF wrestler, it’s still somehow not as cringe-worthy as the band’s previous name, Beatchen. And it hasn’t prevented the Bloodshot Records signees from becoming one of the bigger Americana acts going. — CG

Indie-Rock Latin America at Dada
Brazilian psych rockers Boogarins headlines the third annual edition of this pre-SXSW Latin showcase. Argentina’s Ese Perro, Venezuela’s Monte Espina, and Dallas’ own Mayta, Foco de Atelier and Laguna Klan also perform. — CG

Hijas de su Madre at Majestic Theatre
Brush up on your espanol, because this comedic play is presented entirely in Spanish.
Pero es hilarante — CG

¡Paletas y Bicicletas! at Lake Cliff Park
¡Paletas y Bicicletas is a family event that includes bike riding, a park cleanup, as well as pinatas, mariachi and, holy shit, luchadores! That will probably be entertaining whether or not they’re actually good. It’s a free event so if you need something to take the family to, check it out. — Paul Wedding

Dubs by the Bridge at Trinity Groves
Dubs By The Bridge is described as a “Top ten VW air-cooled and water-cooled show.” Despite the vague and confusing description, it’s a car show. If old Volkswagen Beetles are your thing, check it out. It’s in Trinity Groves, so there will be plenty of weird gimmick restaurants around as well to check out. — PW

Texas Amateur Disc Golf Championships at Lester Lorch Disc Golf Park
Exactly what it sounds like. The best disc golfers around (that don’t get paid to do it for a living) playing for glory and some prize money. — CG

Bassjackers at Stereo Live
DJ, Marlon Flohr, and producer, Ralph van Hilst have been playing together since high school. The duo has been named “Top 100 DJ’s” in DJmag and have worked with a bunch of mainstream artists. Come see what the fuss is about. — Sidney Johnson

Darude at Lizard Lounge
The only possible right answer to “what’s the song name?” — CG

Miguel Migs at It’ll Do Club
Chill out with the San Francisco-based deep house DJ. — Zoe Mattioli

Save Puppies Day at Double Wide
I went to the last one of these, and holy crap my heart grew three sizes. Holding little baby pups is always good therapy, though be warned, it’s hard to give them back after a couple drinks. But that’s really the whole point, they want you to take them home. — CG

Drake Yoga at Jade and Clover
That can only mean one thing — it’s outdoor yoga, an hour-long flow set to the music of Mr. Drake, to be exact. — CG


México 1900–1950: Diego Rivera, Frida Kahlo, José Clemente Orozco, and the Avant-Garde at Dallas Museum of Art
This exhibition’s first-and-only U.S. stop lands right in our backyard, bringing such famous works as Kahlo’s “The Two Fridas” to town, where they’ll be on display through July 16. — CG

Thundercat at Trees
One of the biggest reasons Kendrick Lamar’s last album was such a masterpiece was the involvement of jazz bassist Thundercat. Something we wrote about the last live show we caught of his, and which is still pretty apropros of his own recently released solo album; “Playing his six-string bass more like a guitar — or hell, maybe even a piano? — than a typical four-string bass, Thundercat created a sonic palate that kind of defied description. Joined by just a keyboard player and drummer, the trio dabbled in pop, soul and R&B as filtered through some pretty avant jazz influences. If we had to put it into words, we’d say his material sounded like if Victor Wooten musically masturbated over the coolest, unreleased Hall & Oates b-side of all time — and then Squarepusher came along and remixed the whole thing.” — CG

Chuck Prophet at Sundown
Check out Prophet’s “Jesus Was a Social Drinker,” a more talked than sung, Jim Carroll/Jonathan Richman moderate rocker that’s one of our favorite singles released in 2017 thus far. That is to say, he’ll probably be playing next door this time next year. — CG

Mykki Blanco, Cakes Da Killa at Dada
We’ve seen Cakes in this venue before. It was awesome. Here’s what we said about that show: “Cakes da Killa brought with him plenty of New Jersey dancehall energy, pumping through track after track of sweat-inducing sonic heat. He sparked the most movement of any performer for the night — and, dammit, that was his goal. Whenever the energy of the room wasn’t as turnt as he desired, he’d playfully goad the crowd into dancing more — even requesting it to part at one point to provide a makeshift runway. (That move was short-lived, unfortunately, as microphone cables hindered Cakes from “tearing the club up” a la Fashion Week style, as he had said was his intent.)”

Thelma and the Sleaze at Double Wide
Hard-hitting, punky southern rock trio Thelma and the Sleaze put on a hell of a show, filled with guitar heroics and humorous between-song banter. Highly recommended. — CG

Partybaby + Potty Mouth at Three Links
When guitarist Noah Gersh quit Portugal. The Man, he wanted to start a party punk band so self-assured in its party-creating vibes that he called it Partybaby. There’s no avoiding the subject with a name like that. Potty Mouth, Tennis System and Reality Something also perform. — CG

William Singe, Alex Aiono at South Side Music Hall
Australian singer-songwriter, YouTube star and X Factor contestant William Singe and fellow online persona Alex Aiono are together in the 3-D world. The latter, we should add, is the star of YouTube TV show Royal Crush. — CG

Brass Tacks Barbershop Anniversary Party at Crown and Harp (Free)
The KuL, BULLS and Sunbuzzed play a free show in honor of the barbershop’s anniversary. — CG

Dallas Blooms #PolaWalk at Dallas Arboretum
It may rain this weekend, but that’ll only help nourish the 500,000 spring bulbs they’re expecting to bloom at the annual Dallas Blooms event. You might say it’ll make them even more picturesque. Good thing, because some vintage analog photographers are planning on having a meet-up. — CG

Bonnie & Clyde 50th Anniversary Screening at Majestic Theatre
A half-century before they completely fucked up the announcement of Best Picture at the Oscars, Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty played Texas’ most famous outlaws in a movie that caused a lot of controversy for its graphic – at the time, anyway – violence. It’s since been regarded as a masterpiece and one of the most important films of the one of the most important eras in film history. — Kip Mooney

Northern National at The Prophet Bar
Make no mistake, Northern National’s most recent record is full of big, anthemic radio-ready alt-pop jams. The hooks are huge, the choruses are huge and the mainstream hit potential here is also huge. Fortunately, that’s a lot of people’s bags. Oh, and the last song also repeats the line “Dallas saved my soul / Dallas bring her home” — so, if you’re as big a sucker for pandering as we are, then, it should be right up your alley. — CG

In the Whale at Gas Monkey Bar N’ Grill
Is it lazy journalism to compare every blues-based, drum-and-guitar rock duo to the White Stripes and/or The Black Keys? Or is just next to impossible to add anything new to that musical conversation that those two acts haven’t already? No, really, we’re asking. I mean, Colorado two-piece In The Whale is playing at Gas Monkey this weekend and we’re not quite sure what else to say about them. — CG

Madame Butterfly at Winspear Opera House
Weezer’s second album sure makes a lot more sense once you’ve seen this Puccini opera. Did for us, anyway. — CG

Boudoir Marathon at Studio Bella’s
Ever wanted to gift your S.O. some sexy boudoir portraits but couldn’t afford the session? Get a deal here on a one-hour shoot with two outfit changes. — CG

Gears & Grind at Ronald Kirk Bridge
Join this weekly bike ride to the coffee shop. Meet at the bridge at 10 and pedal out at 10:30. — CG

Classic Car Show at Post Time
Hot dogs, Frito pies and an old time good time. — CG

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our event directory.

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