Break the Cycle.

Since 1947, The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists has maintained the Doomsday Clock, more or less just an illustration they use to convey to us regular dolts just how close we are to apocalypse. With the rise of Trump’s “America first” administration, that crew has recently moved the hands of the clock forward, placing us at two-and-a-half minutes to midnight.

That’s not a long time. So we’ve begun to say our prayers, and proceeded to live each day like it’s our last – because it really might be. Not to exaggerate things too much one way or the other, we’re just saying it’s time to make the most of what we’ve got left, however long that may be. — Cory Graves

Friday

WWE NXT at South Side Ballroom
WWE is also bringing its NXT developmental program to Dallas this weekend. Don’t place too much weight on the word “developmental,” though. This isn’t the NBA D-League at all. Instead, NXT is a pet project of WWE legend and current executive vice president of talent Triple H’s and, for almost three years now, he’s been signing some of the best wrestlers from Japan, Mexico and around the world into its ranks. He’s also recruited from independent wrestling promotions across America like Ring of Honor and Evolve. — Paul Wedding

Fat Joe at Avenu (Free)
Did you hear Fat Joe left Atlantic? And he headed straight to Dallas to perform “several of his hits” for free in Uptown this Friday. — CG

Royal Rumble Pre-Party with Rob Van Dam at Tomcats West
This Friday, you can go to Tomcats West in Fort Worth and see wrestling legend Rob Van Dam…perform stand-up comedy? Yup, Fort Worth is Van Dam’s second stop on his Whole F’n Comedy Tour. Stand-up has actually been a passion of his for a while – he lives in L.A., and does regular performances at comedy clubs, including the iconic Comedy Store. It turns out he’s not the only person to trade the squared circle for the club stage, as we’ve found several wrestlers who’ve transitioned into second careers in comedy. It’s not so surprising when you think about some of the demands of their job. Wrestlers need to possess preternatural toughness, but it can also take a reservoir of charisma to reliably capture crowds nationwide (or, in many cases, worldwide). Also, it’s worth acknowledging that just about every wrestler spends a considerable amount of time and energy connecting with audiences by talking into a microphone. It’s hard to get more stand-up-adjacent than that. — Alex Gaskin

Gad Elmaleh at Texas Theatre (Sold Out)
What’s the deal Moroccan stand-up Gad Elmaleh being called the French Seinfeld? — CG

ZestFest Spicy Food Expo at Irving Convention Center
Can’t stand the heat? Then stay out of the ICC this weekend. — CG

Social Science: Creativity at Perot Museum (Sold Out)
So here’s your chance to finally drag your old ass out of the house and for once get to enjoy the museum without having to hear screaming children — or the blathering of anyone under 21 for that matter. Grab a cocktail and a babysitter and head to this month’s edition of the Perot Museum’s monthly, after hours, adults-only programming. — Ashley Gongora

Legislate This! A Planned Parenthood Fundraiser at Viva’s Lounge
The Trumpster fire may be trying to gut Planned Parenthood, but it doesn’t mean they have to go totally unfunded. Donate some dollars here, while enjoying live music, burlesque and womens’ rights to their own body autonomy. — CG

Jason Alexander Sings Broadway at Winspear Opera House
For he is Costanza, lord of the idiots. Nay, he was Costanza. Now he’s just Jason, singer of Broadway songs these next three nights. — CG

Denton Black Film Festival at Campus Theatre
A lineup of 43 films, spanning all genres, all dealing with race/black culture in some form or fashion. Films will be shown in blocks, and tickets will be sold by block, FYI. — CG

Benini: Alla Geometria! In Dallas at Museum of Geometric and Madi Art
Featuring some of the Italian-born, Texas Hill Country resident’s greatest hits from the ‘80s and ‘90s. — CG

Roberto Munguia: “Buscador”/”Descubridor” at Latino Cultural Center
Munguia’s been making art in Dallas since the ’70s, working in everything from ink to clay. This retrospective of the artist’s work will be on display through April 1. — CG

Reverend Horton Heat at Gas Monkey Live
There ain’t no saguaros in Texas, but there are psychobilly legends still going strong. The Rev will be pulling off his fretboard gymnastics and bass surf moves on the big hometown stage. — CG

Bridgman | Packer Dance at Dallas City Performance Hall
A technologically advanced dance production that combines live dancers, with video and virtual reality elements in an innovative and exciting way. It’s the future of dance. — CG

Will Johnson, Doug Burr at Dada
As lo-fi as the debut Centro-matic record, Will Johnson’s newest solo single is as bare as they come. “I set up a mic or two in the middle bathroom, maybe an amp in the hall, and tracked both of those songs to the Tascam 424,” he recently told American Songwriter, which premiered this track. Of course, stripping things down to their most primal elements is the surest way to see Johnson’s songwriting genius at its purest. — CG

Pitbull at WinStar World Casino and Resort (Sold Out)
Dat! — CG

Caterpillars at Double Wide
Head to this one and buy up some Caterpillars merch so that they’ll have some gas money for the tour they’re embarking on after this show. The Canvas People and Ryan Berg & The Velvet Ears open. — CG

Scotty McCreery at Billy Bob’s
American Idol’s only country winner, per his bio, which conveniently forgets that Carrie Underwood exists, hits the world’s largest honky-tonk. — CG

#VIBES: A Dance Party Curated By Jordan Kline & Rene Floyd at Shipping and Receiving
A dance party with members of Ice Eater and VVOES pickin’ the tunes. — CG

Dustin Ybarra at Hyena’s (Fort Worth)
For its second season, Gotham added local expat Dustin Ybarra to its cast as an Arkham Asylum resident with a taste for human flesh. When not playing a cannibal on TV, Ybarra gets his kick telling jokes. He’ll be in town all weekend. — CG

Saturday

Book Sale at Dallas Public Library
The library’s been selling off surplus for 30 years. They have sales all the time. But none like this one, says the press release we received. It’ll be the biggest one they’ve had in many, many years, and will include CDs and vinyl records in addition to books. — CG

Xtreme Knockout 34 at Gas Monkey Live
Some guy called Kevin Holland defends his belt against some other dude called Geoff C. Neal. And a whole bunch of other scuffles to sit ringside for. — CG

DNCE at Granada Theater
Joe Jonas and his cake by the ocean band hit a stage smaller than he would if his siblings were in tow. Lose your mind and go fucking crazy. — CG

A Giant Dog, Bad Sports, Dead Words, Teenage Sexx at Three Links
Don’t get your hopes up too high, if what you’re looking for is an actual humongous canine to show up at Three Links tonight. Even better, though, is Austin’s A Giant Dog is a killer rock band that’s only gotten bigger since signing with Merge. They’re one of the best live bands in the state. — PW

Bobby Lee at Addison Improv
Bobby Lee is a comedian who, much like Dat Phan, has made a career playing Asian stereotypes. On the bright side, he wasn’t the least funny cast member on MADtv. — PW

Fittipaldi Exotic Driving at Texas Motor Speedway
Drop a few clams and get to drive a Ferrari or Lamborghini around the race track like a GD action movie hero. — CG

D Tour Photo Gallery at Epocha
The main attraction at this party will be photos on display taken by a couple dozen local photographers from the rooftops of various buildings around town. — CG

Clueless at Alamo Drafthouse (Cedars)
For being described as clueless, Cher Horowitz sure seems to have more wisdom and compassion than your president. Hope noted TV lover/book hater King Trump makes it out to this one, if only for the scene where Cher says, “So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, ‘What about the strain on our resources?’ Well it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. ’cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.” – CG

North Texas Comic Book Show at Fair Park Embarcadero Building
A comic book show featuring real comic book artists, like Graham Nolan who invented the Bane character from the Batman series. — CG

Confetti Eddie’s Naughty Magic Show at Viva’s Lounge
Making clothes disappear in addition to rabbits. Zing! — CG

Hypnotic Donut Dash at Fair Park
There’s literally no way this event is going to finish without someone throwing up everywhere. There are actual stops for the runners to rest during their 5K run and eat doughnut holes, as well as a contest in the morning to see which competitor can stuff the most into their mouth. This is in no way a good idea. But hey, it’s for a good cause. The money given to the event will be donated to the charity Carry The Load, which hopes to restore the true meaning of Memorial Day by honoring our veterans. It’ll look something like this. — PW

Chinese New Year Festival at Crow Collection of Asian Art
Nobody parties like the Chinese on the Lunar New Year. To celebrate coming into the Year of the Rooster, the Crow Collection will be holding festivities all day long. There will be lion dances, unique performances every hour, calligraphy demos, face painting and fortune telling. That’s not all. There will also be food trucks and, of course, fireworks, because everyone loves blowing stuff up. The event is free, so bring everyone you know to ring in the Rooster. — Roberto Aguilar

KNON Blues Festival at Poor David’s Pub
Oh, hey! Another festival! This one’s been around for a while, though – 18 years, by our count. — Trace McCaslin

Eric Nadel Benefit Blowout w/ Josh Weathers, Daphne Willis, The Hendersons at The Live Oak
Last week, Weathers was crooning the Great American Emperor in person, and now he’ll be doing the same for you. Grab your S.O.’s hand and feel like the king/queen of the world. — CG

Tom Chaplin (of Keane) at Kessler Theater
This show by the former Keane vocalist could be the end of everything. So why don’t we go? — CG

Babe Bash at Andy’s Bar
Tri-County Terror, The Red Death, Hen & the Cocks and Sydney Wright, sharing the stage at the new and improved Andy’s. — CG

DAMN XXII at Texas Theatre
Damn Dallas, back at it again with the ambient music nights. This one, the two-year anniversary edition, features ambient musicians Matthew David Mindflight, Derek Rogers, Adam Pacione, Triangulum, Black Taffy and Botoany, and visual auetuers, Michael Morris, Sean Miller, Grant Ring, Thor Johnson, Evan Henry, Matt Leslie, Jim Brantstetter and Matt Stevenson. — CG

Locked & Loaded at Armoury, D.E. (Free)
Migrant Kids, R!U!O!K! and Duo Contra all play this free show. Yet another solid bet from this regularly awesome weekly series. — CG

Lacey Sturm at Trees
Temple’s Flyleaf had at least one hit single that I didn’t completely hate back in ’06 that was called “Fully Alive.” As I remember, it was a fairly unoffensive alt-rock track with frontwoman Lacey Sturm’s vocals appropriately front and center. She left the group in 2013, and his been flying solo ever since. — Pete Freedman

Chili Cook-Off at Stan’s Blue Note
In the land of chili contests, the person with the spoon and a ballot is the king. Eat up, buttercups! — CG

Breathe Carolina at Lizard Lounge
Like regular EDM, but more impressive due to the fact it’s performed by a live, four-piece band. — CG

Fur Sale at Magnolia Motor Lounge
Get outfitted for the Fort Worth Stock Show and Rodeo. Sip and shop! Try one dead animal hides before you buy! — CG

Aaron Lewis at Billy Bob’s
If it’s been awhile since you’ve heard from the Staind frontman, it’s probably because in recent years he’s gone back to his “roots.” Now he’s a little less butt rock (and roll) and a lot more real-deal country. It explains, anyway, why he can get away playing the world’s largest honky-tonk these days. — CG

An Evening With Cloud Cult at Dada
The eccentric Minnesota indie collective is the only band on this bill, playing one long, earthy set. — CG

Abnormal Formal: Apocalypse at The Nines
This is a strict fetish event. No gawkers allowed. You want in, you gotta at least look like you’re participating. So dress the part. No effort, no entry. — CG

Shen Yun Performing Arts at Winspear Opera House
A classical Chinese dance and ethnic folk production so immense that billboard adverts announcing its impending arrival have been strewn about the Metroplex for what seem like an entire year. Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but after its stay in Fort Worth earlier in the week, it moves over to Dallas for a week, so you’ve got many chances to catch it. — CG

Sunday

Girl Scout Cookie & Beer Pairing Flight at L.U.C.K.
If you haven’t been hit up by your coworkers just yet, just know that, indeed, Girl Scout cookie season is upon us. And local eateries are taking full advantage of the fact. For instance, L.U.C.K. in Trinity Groves has its Girl Scout cookie flight — where four beers are paired with eight cookies — on the menu again for the next six days. Sounds right up our alley. — Porttia Portis

Rock ‘n’ Roll Rummage Sale at Lola’s Saloon
Once a month, Lola’s offers a chance for people to come and trade/buy music, equipment, collectibles and more. Fortunately for you, it’s this weekend, as you’ve been trying to find a better way to get rid of that accordion other than just throwing it away. — TM

Ramen-Off at Komodo Loco
Not a contest to see who can cook the best ramen, rather one to see who can slurp down the most in an hour-and-a-half. Gross? Awesome? IDK, we’re not here to judge. — CG

Corner Suns (Album Release) at Good Records (Free)
Corner Suns has in-store to promote its debut LP. The band will feature the all-star lineup of John Dufilho, Brandon Carr, Jason Garner, Andy Lester, Rich Martin, Jeff Ryan and “a few surprise guests…” — CG

10 Years at Trees
Alt-metal? Post-punk? A poor man’s Tool? IDK, we’re not here to judge. — CG

Lone Star Bulldog Club Meeting at Craft and Growler
Bulldogs, beers, Battlestar Galactica. Well, two out of three ain’t bad. — CG

Chilifest at Richardson Food Truck Park
Like a regular chili cook-off, but on wheels! — CG

Hemingway Book Club: The Spy at Black Swan Saloon
Black Swan Saloon has been hosting a bimonthly book club, dubbed Hemingway Book Club, for some time now. Each edition consists of a discussion regarding a specific literary work and a selection of thematic cocktails for you to ingest. — Calvin Cashen

Old Fashioned Showdown at 940’s Kitchen and Cocktails
Drinksmiths from Paschall Bar, The Labb, Oak St. Drafthouse, Eastside, Mulberry St. Cantina, Hannah’s, Harvest House and, of course, 940’s are competing to see who makes the best Old Fashioned. Proceeds go to charity. — CG

Too Cold to Hold Half Marathon at Norbuck Park
Not the White Rock Marathon, but a marathon by another name that feels so sweet, this one also takes advantage of the trails around White Rock Lake. — CG

Vegan Potluck at The Bearded Monk
Pretty self-explanatory. Bring a dish, and eat other people’s dishes. Sharing is caring. With the one caveat that they ask you to bring a card denoting every ingredient you used in preparing your item. — CG

Khalid at Cambridge Room
Not the major keys DJ/Snapchat hero, but the teen soul musician from El Paso. — CG

The Butch Lord Comedy Squad w/ Aaron Aryanpur at Hyena’s (Plano)
Aryanpur has a sharp delivery and expert timing, but those aspects alone aren’t enough to explain how Aryanpur has become one of the best — and most respected — comics in DFW. He talks openly onstage about his life, and he’s able to find terrific, singular comedy in deeply personal matters. That willingness to be honest and vulnerable with crowds is what makes him an irreplaceable performer. — AG

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our event directory.

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