Please Say The Rapper.

Fresh research from Greenwich University’s department of money-wasting shows that drinking alcohol helps dull pain. The study, led by Captain Obvious and published in the Journal of Pain show that being legally drunk is a more effective way to kill pain than taking a Tylenol. Fascinating!

But it should have gone without saying – or throwing tons of money down the drain. Just saying, we could have saved them a lot of time on that one. Also, we can save you some time figuring out how what to do this weekend, maybe even some money, too. Just consult the list below. By now, that should go without saying, too. — Cory Graves


Texas Frightmare Weekend at Hyatt Regency DFW Airport
One of the largest horror conventions in the nation, Frightmare brings together horror fans and legends from all over the country to convene and hang and watch scary movies. This year’s special guests include the casts of Bates Motel, Suspiria to name a few. There’s also going to be Q&As, panels, lectures, cosplay and plenty of horror movie watching. — Paul Wedding

The New Pornographers at Granada Theater
The original indie rock supergroup continues its 20-year run, headlining the Granada on the heels of its synthy left turn of a new LP. It’s dark and poppy, somehow continuing the long-running trend of making each record catchier than the last. Waxahatchee opens. — CG

JMBLYA at Fair Park Coliseum
Few people changed the music game more in the past year than Chance The Rapper. He was the first unsigned act to perform on SNL, and he literally forced the Grammy folks to change up their rules, earning the first-ever streaming-only album to receive Grammy noms. He scored three of those for last year’s Coloring Book, including Best Rap Album, but who’s counting? So it makes sense that he’ll be headlining all the big music fests this summer, like Hang Out, Governor’s Ball and Bonnaroo to name a few. Again, who’s counting? But Dallasites won’t have to make the trek or shell out the big bucks to catch Chance on the festival circuit, as he’ll also be headlining this weekend’s fifth annual JMBLYA. Also performing will be Gucci Mane, Steve Aoki, Migos, Lil Uzi Vert and several more. — CG

Brian Posehn at Hyena’s (Dallas)
The Metalocalypse star and Nerd Poker podcast host continues his three-city tour of the Metroplex this weekend, following last night’s stand-up set in Fort Worth’s Hyena’s location with this Dallas show. He’ll hit Plano on Saturday. — CG

Dallas International Guitar Festival at Dallas Market Hall
Though there are roughly 2000 guitar shows held annually worldwide, word is the first ones were held right here in Dallas in the early ’80s. The Dallas International Guitar Festival remains one of the largest guitar shows in the country with over 15,000 people expected to attend this year’s event. George Lynch, Ernie Ball, Rhett Butler and many more perform at the event on Friday. — CG

ADULT. at Three Links
The dark and erratic techno duo has been pushing the grounds of electro-punk for 20 years, but they took their “strangeness” to new heights on March’s Detroit House Guests, a reference to musicians like Swans’ Michael Gira, Light Asylum’s Shannon Funchess and Nitzer Ebb’s Douglas J. McCarthy, who lived with them for a period while contributing to the project. — CG

Flatland Cavalry at Billy Bob’s
Lubbock’s Flatland Cavalry recently headlined George Dunham’s annual Jub Jam charity concert over at the Kessler, quickly selling it out. Now they headline the World’s Largest Honky-Tonk on a Friday night for the first time in their career. They’re a band quickly on the rise. — CG

New Found Glory at The Prophet Bar
The Florida pop-punks are celebrating their 20th year together. So, even though they just released a new LP called Makes Me Sick last Friday, the bulk of Friday’s set lists will be much older. For this tour, the band is playing Sticks and Stones and Catalyst in full. — CG

Emo Night L.A. at The Prophet Bar (New Found Glory After-Party)
After the final strains of “My Friend’s Over You” fade out, an emo dance party will break out. — CG

Franco de Vita at Majestic Theatre
Since first topping the charts in 1986 with “Un Buen Perdedor,” the Latin pop rocker has continued to top charts in each of the decades since. The Grammy-winning performer shows off the chops that have to lead to that kind of longevity when he performs in Downtown Dallas on Friday. — CG

Cinco de Mayo Party at Double Wide
Lil Chris of Faded Deejays spinning Latin hip-hop on the patio, churros for sale, the debut the Off the Wagon mobile bar, discounts on Mexican beers and a one-night only offering of frozen churro pina coladas. And you don’t even have to know what historical event Cinco de Mayo commemorates to participate! — CG

Quix at Lizard Lounge
The New Zealand drum and basser is releasing a new EP on Dim Mak, anchored by a pop-meets-trap original called “Riot Call,” which features vocals from Nevve. So while his song selections might run the gamut at this party, they’ll all be anchored by their shared boom basslines. — CG

Cinco de Mayo Party at Lava Cantina
The Colony’s new 1,500 cap venue hosts its second-ever show, its first weekend party, celebrating Cinco with Beastie Boys DJ Mix Master Mike among others. — CG

Last-Ever Cinco de Drinko at Crown and Harp
In case you haven’t got the memo, the Crown’s closing it down after this weekend. That makes this the last Friday the club will ever be open. The last Cinco party it’ll ever host, too. — CG

The Boxmasters at Rockin’ Rodeo
The Boxmasters’ latest record was one of Rolling Stones‘ favorite country albums of 2015. So you can get why they get a little pissed when they’re referred to as Billy Bob Thornton’s vanity project. In fact, Thornton doesn’t even like to talk about his acting career when doing interviews about The Boxmasters. Gotta keep ’em separated. — CG

Limited Edition Art Show at The Lost Toys
Limited edition action figures and paintings of – you guessed it! – limited edition action figures! — CG

Cinco de Mayo at Sundown
Kicking off prior to the New Pornographers show next door, and continuing long after, The Clinton Years, DJ Sober and Pearl Earl will perform at this Cinco party, which will also feature flautas and Modelo specials. — CG

Cinco de Mayo at The Rustic
Photos with a baby burro, Texican tapas, Lemon Drop Margaritas and several other not-at-all racially insensitive celebrations are in store at this one. — CG

Cinco de Mayo at Fearing’s Restaurant
Guest mixologist Lucky Campbell of Parliament is serving up a new Cinco-themed tequila cocktail called “El Playero” at this free party. It’s open to the public, reservations not required. — CG


Off the Rails Country Fest at Toyota Stadium
So the lineup for this is actually really good. There are a lot of big country music stars at this festival, with Miranda Lambert, Justin Moore, Turnpike Troubadours, Tyler Farr and many more all performing on Saturday, and even more on Sunday. If you like country music, this a a more stacked line-up than you’re bound to get anywhere else. — PW

Bugs and Brews at Granada Theater
Charley Crockett, The Tontons, Somebody’s Darling, Atlantis Aquarius and tons of others play the Granada’s back parking lot while you get busy sucking the head. — CG

Angaleena Presley at Shipping and Receiving
Perhaps the least household name of The Pistol Annies, expect Presley to enjoy similar success to her bandmates Ashley Monroe and Miranda Lambert in the coming years – especially on the heels of her recent solo release. — CG

Texas Frightmare Weekend at Hyatt Regency DFW Airport
Other guests this weekend include the casts of The Thing (including Wilford “Diabeetus” Brimley) and 31 to name a few. — CG

Brian Posehn at Hyena’s (Plano)
The comic winds up his three-city tour of the Metroplex up Plano way. — CG

An Evening With Leo Kottke at Kessler Theater
Such a vigorous finger-picker, acoustic wiz Leo Kottke had to develop new styles and tune is guitar increasingly lower in recent decades to deal with injuries brought on by his aggressive style. But he’s still at it, picking and grinning through the pain, holding down this stage all night with no openers. — CG

Dallas International Guitar Festival at Dallas Market Hall
The world’s largest guitar show continues through the weekend, with Mark Lettieri, Chris Duarte, George Lynch, Jim Suhler, Jimmy Wallace’s Guitar Army and many more scheduled to perform on Saturday. — CG

Marcus Striplin at AllGood Cafe
Striplin’s performing the songs of Margaret Chavez and his band Pleasant Grove at this one. Matthew Gray opens, and chicken-fried steaks will be served. — CG

aTrolla Festival at Reunion Tower
Music festivals are, by their very nature, a young person’s game. If you’re over 30, there’s a good chance you already feel too old for that shit. But Dallas’ newest festival is flying in the face of that logic. aTrolla will be bringing a decidedly mom-friendly lineup to the field that sits under the shadow of Reunion Tower, by offering up Peter Cetera and KC & the Sunshine Band as its headliners. Uh huh, uh huh. Tickets start at $79, which might sound like a lot to you, but consider your mom’s pension plan! — CG

Bonnie Bishop at Magnolia Motor Lounge
You’ve got two chances to catch the country-rock singer-songwriter turned soul powerhouse and her cracker jack band this Saturday. She’ll dazzle both the MML and a free in-store down the street at Chief Records beforehand. — CG

Chris Brown at American Airlines Center
Chris Brown is a lunatic. He’s legit crazy, but the little asshole can sing and dance like hell. Check him out at AAC if you believe talent is better than morals as, let’s face it, most of us do. We won’t judge (too much). — H. Drew Blackburn

Hinder, Nonpoint at Trees
Coming to you from the year 2002 is Hinder, a southern alt-rock band that combines the vocal style of Scott Stapp and Chad Kroeger with the generic sound of any alt-rock band from the early aughts. — PW

Festival of Laughs at Verizon Theatre
The Friday co-stars reunite when Mike “Day-Day” Epps and John “Willie Jones” Witherspoon perform stand-up in Grand Prairie – on Saturday, though. — CG

Stephen Lynch at House of Blues
The Tony Award-nominated, guitar-playing comedian brings his uncommon style of social commentary to Dallas tonight as part of his latest comedy tour. — CG

Locked & Loaded at Armoury, D.E. (Free)
The Bristol Hills, Mother Tongues and the Moon Waves side project Rosegarden Funeral Party team up for this free patio party. — CG

Talk Derby to Me at The Rustic
An excuse to get all dolled up in your most luxurious Derby-worthy duds and oversized hats – there’s a $200 prize in it for you if you do. — CG

Cinco de Bayou Crawfish Boil at Deep Ellum Brewing Company
It’s $30 for three DEBC beers and two pounds of crawfish. So, um, suck the head? — CG

Artisan Market at Oak Highlands Brewery
Cold beers on draft, food trucks, tacos and a whole bunch of local vendors hawking their lovingly handcrafted wares. — CG

Marijuana March of North Texas 2017 at Burk Burnett Park
In conjunction with similar marches in 300 other cities, DFW NORML will be leading a #legalizeit rally at the Fort Worth park. I mean, god made weed and god don’t make mistakes, amiright? — CG

Deep Ellum Maymosa Walk at Kettle Art
Once again this month, the DEBC wine walk adopts the brunch drink theme. Pay $20 for a glass and get refills from dozens of participating shops all over the neighborhood. — CG

Deep Ellum 40 Oz Walk in Deep Ellum
Sick burn! — CG

Denton Mudbug Boil at Lucky Lou’s
Proceeds will be used to support several local charities: Cumberland Children’s Home, Denton County Friends of the Family, Denton GOAL Program, Michael’s Memories, Friends with Benefits, Knights of Columbus and a special family in need. In addition to all the delicious crawfish you can eat, there will be live music, a children’s play area and a silent auction. — Carly Seitz

El Fuerte: Fort Worth Taco Fest at Panther Island Pavilion
Just like last weekend’s Dallas-set Taco Libre festival, taco festivals like these are the perfect place for over-indulging. And with their small size, street tacos are the perfect food for sampling. That’s good, because there’ll be more than a dozen taco vendors on site, and you’ll want to try them all. — CG

Celebrate Downtown! Dive In Rooftop Tour at Main Street Garden Park
How many photos of the Dallas skyline are there in the world? It’s got to be in the millions, no? What’s truly remarkable is that, though we’ve all seen our share of skyline photos, there’s still a photographer or two in town who can snap a shot of the familiar cityscape that manages to stand out among the rest of the postcard fodder. Part of these ace photographers’ secret? More often than not, these folks are shooting from rooftops and other vantage points most of us don’t have access to. That’s what makes Saturday’s tour sound like such an incredible opportunity: From 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., a tour will allow participants access to the rooftops of seven historical Downtown buildings – each with a wonderfully rich history of its own. Think of all the Insta-gold, y’all. — CG

#CourtneyForever (Opening Reception) at Jen Mauldin Gallery
Courtney Miles’ decade-long selfie project predates the term “selfies,” or even the social media platforms where most of our shitty self-portraits get posted. This exhibition raises questions about vanity and where our real lives end and our fake digital lives begin. WTF is even real anymore? — CG

Two-Year Anniversary at TUPPS Brewery
The McKinney brewery’s celebrating two years in biz with a “mini music fest,” food trucks galore and 20 brews on tap. — CG


John Fullbright (Full Band) at Kessler Theater
Born in the same small Oklahoma town that gave us Woody Guthrie, John Fullbright never shied away from his roots. He first made a name for himself performing in an annual folk fest named after Guthrie. Since, he’s released a trio of albums that exude a similarly bold, rootsy style to forbearers Steve Earle and Townes Van Zandt, and his tune “Gawd Above” appeared on the August: Osage County soundtrack. — CG

Primavera de los pueblos at Maroches Bakery
Art! Zines! Music! Food! Poetry! Oh my! Plus, Serious Shit and Bargoyles perform. — CG

Off the Rails Country Fest at Toyota Stadium
Jason Aldean, Dierks Bentley, Old Dominion, Charlie Daniels Band, Lukas Nelson and many more play Day 2 of this big ol’ country party. — CG

Texas Frightmare Weekend at Hyatt Regency DFW Airport
But there’ll be so many more guests at this thing, too, like wrestlers Sting and Ric Flair, among others. Woo! — CG

Duelo at Billy Bob’s
Grammy-nominated norteño grupo performs its accordion heavy Mexican music to town this Cinco weekend. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence. — CG

World’s Largest Dog Day at Dr Pepper Ballpark at Dr Pepper Ballpark
Suck it Rangers, this gimmick from your AA affiliate boasts more dogs than your own bring-your-dogs-to-the-park day. Don’t have a pup to bring? Adopt one when you get there. Who are the Rough Riders playing? Does it really matter? — CG

La Oreja de Van Gogh at House of Blues
Van Gogh’s Ear makes Spanish pop music that won’t make you want to cut your own ear off. This, for one, has nothing to do with Cinco. Come on, they’re from Spain, not Mexico. — CG

Dallas International Guitar Festival at Dallas Market Hall
Closing down the show are Andy Timmons, Derek St. Holmes, Monte Montgomery, Buddy Whittington, Rob Balducci and several others scheduled to perform on Sunday. — CG

Citizen Jane: Battle For the City at Texas Theatre
This documentary is a bio on Jane Jacobs, the New York journalist/activist that fought a David and Goliath battle to kill off city planning policies that would have effectively killed off everything that made NYC great. — CG

Psyche!: A ‘90s Cartoon Art Show at Barcadia (Dallas)
Following well-received art shows centered around contemporary cartoons Bob’s Burgers and Rick and Morty, the Henderson Ave barcade is paying homage to all your childhood favorites this time around. — CG

Helado Negro at Good Records (Free)
This weekend, Deep Ellum frozen treat spot is debuting its new black ice cream. In totally unrelated news, the Florida indie-rocker whose name literally translates to “black ice cream” performs a free in-store over at Good Records. — CG

AQUA: Chris Lake at SiSu Uptown Resort
The British house producer plays this still-pretty-chilly pool party. — CG

Jason Eady (Album Release) at Shipping and Receiving
The traditionalist Texas troubadour released his self-titled sixth LP a couple weeks back. It’s a low-key, live-sounding record that Rolling Stone summed up best, describing it as “more reminiscent of a back-porch picking party that a downtown honky-tonk show.” — CG

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our event directory.

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