Per The Ticket’s Craig Miller, The Only Dallas Morning Radio Show Host With The Courage To Say So, The Second Tuesday In August Is The Worst Day Of The Year.
Bad news, everyone: It’s the second Tuesday in August, which means it’s once again the worst day of the year — at least according to our favorite personality on KTCK 1310-AM/96.7-FM The Ticket, one Craig “Junior” Miller, who has detailed this belief over the airwaves on various occasions.
Today, even in the midst of a still-ongoing pandemic, Miller is re-asserting this position. Once again, the host of the morning drive-time show “The Musers” is choosing to “celebrate” this terrible occasion with the concession that this coronavirus-filled year has been filled with many bad days.
It bears noting that Miller’s reasoning for choosing this date is nigh-unimpeachable. His logic boils down to the following points:
• August sucks and is objectively the worst month of the year on its own accord.
• It’s always stupid hot outside this time of the year — and especially so in Dallas.
• There are really no holidays of note around this date.
• Network TV is still in re-runs, and prime-time options are slim pickings.
• Sports-watching options at this time of year are slim, at best. (Apologies to baseball fans.)
• Kids are about to go back to school, so they’re in bad spirits.
• Summer is ending, which is a bummer.
• Tuesdays are the worst day of the week — because you’re no longer refreshed from the previous weekend and the next one is still a ways off.
• Even more specific, the second Tuesday of the month is the worst of all because, during the first Tuesday, you’re still refreshed from the previous month and, during the third and fourth, you can “see the finish line.”
If you want to get even more specific, Miller believes that the worst moment of the year also falls today, right when the clock strikes 2 p.m. — given that the night’s entertainment options have yet to arrive and everyone’s still in a post-lunch lull.
Teflon reasoning, all of it.
So: How should one deal with this? Again, we turn to Miller for guidance. Here are go-to his suggestions on how to get through the day:
1. “Jar your urine, just in case all hell breaks loose.”
2. “Stop, drop and roll… sound advice no matter what the circumstance.”
3. “Surround yourself with comforting items like a teddy bear or a blanket, and remove all sharp objects from the room so you’re not tempted to take your own life.”
4. “Hold hands with coworkers.”
5. “If you can, get a church or strip club or another place of comfort to ride this out.” (Miller also suggests seeking refuge in an interior closet, as one might during a tornado.)
6. “If all else fails, grab a piece of pizza.”
As ever, we would like to thank Junes for his courage in speaking out on this issue. Hear him speak out on it yourself right here.