Today Is The Worst Day Of The Year.
Bad news, everyone: Today, the second Tuesday in August, is the worst day of the year — at least according to our favorite personality on KTCK 1310-AM/96.7-FM The Ticket, Craig “Junior” Miller, who has detailed this belief on the air on at least a few occasions.
Miller’s reasoning is sound, and boils down to the following points:
• August sucks and is the worst month of the year.
• It’s stupid hot outside.
• There are no holidays of note.
• There’s usually no good sports on TV (this year’s Olympics being a possible exception).
• Kids are about to go back to school.
• Summer is ending.
• Tuesdays are the worst day of the week because you’re no longer refreshed from the previous weekend and the next one is still a ways off.
• The second Tuesday of the month is the worst because during the first you’re still refreshed from the previous month, and during the third and fourth, you can “see the finish line.”
If you want to get even more specific, Miller says that the worst moment of the year also falls today, right when the clock strikes 2 p.m. — given that the night’s entertainment options have yet to arrive and that everyone’s in a post-lunch lull.
Again the logic is sound. So how should one deal with this? Again, we turn to Miller for guidance. Here are his suggestions on how to get through today’s impending 2 p.m. doom:
1. “Jar your urine, just in case all hell breaks loose.”
2. “Stop, drop and roll — sound advice no matter the circumstance.”
3. “Surround yourself with comforting items like a teddy bear or a blanket and remove all sharp objects from the room so you’re not tempted to take your own life.”
4. “Hold hands with coworkers.”
5. Visit a church or strip club or another place you might turn to for guidance and comfort.
6. If all else fails, grab a piece of pizza. Because pizza.
As ever, we would like to thank Junes for his courage in speaking out on this issue. Hear him speak out on it yourself right here.