Over the weekend, a Canadian man reclaimed the Beer Mile World Record for his home country when he drank four beers — one every quarter-mile — and ran a mile in four minutes, 57 seconds.
This just won't do, folks. Being the best in the world at stupid things is about as American as it gets.
That said, it's time to start training. Run, don't walk, to tonight's destinations.
Iced Earth at Trees
Since forming as classic metal outfit Purgatory in 1985 — and subsequently evolving in the early '90s into the power metal band that's continued to tour to this day — Iced Earth has gone through five lead singers, seven lead guitarists, nine bassists and 10 drummers. Somehow, the one thing that's never changed the past 23 years is the band's tight, blistering live offerings. Sabaton, Revamp and Color of Aum open. — CG
Foster the People at South Side Ballroom (Sold Out)
Despite the fact that Foster the People's biggest hit takes on the subject of school shootings from the disgruntled bully's point of view, that didn't stop “Pumped Up Kicks” from becoming the biggest song of 2012. Seems you can sell just about anything these days if you put a catchy enough beat behind it. And though the band's just-released follow-up LP, Supermodel is a bit of a departure sound-wise, the band's largely anti-Capitalism lyrics are still paired with uber-polished, unavoidably catchy pop overtones. — CG
A Fat Wreck Indiegogo Finale Party at RBC (Free)
At midnight tonight, the crowd-funding campaign that's allowing some Dallas filmmakers to finish up work on its Fat Wreck Chords documentary will officially end. During the month-long campaign, the filmmakers managed to raise over $26,000 — or nearly four times what they thought they'd need to put a wrap on this thing. Tonight, they'll celebrate the campaign's overwhelming success by throwing a free party at the newly re-opened RBC club that'll feature performances from local ska outfits Rude King, Samuel Caldwell's Revenge and Holophonics. — CG
Comedy Open Mic at Dallas Comedy House
Somewhere out there, there is a VHS tape of you being caught off guard by the prompt to “Say something funny!” Well, you blew it. You froze. But it's OK. We've all been there before. And, thanks to Dallas Comedy House's Tuesday night open mics, you've now got the perfect venue in which to redeem yourself. Or, y'know, a place to just watch that one guy who totally thinks he's the funniest guy in the office bomb magnificently. — CG
To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.