The Scott Weiland Interview That Almost Really Happened.

Tomorrow night, former Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver frontman Scott Weiland will perform a set at Trees with his backing band The Wildabouts. As is customary in these situations, we recently reached out to Weiland's to publicist to try and score a phone interview in advance of the show.

The publicist's response? Sure! Except, one condition: Weiland would only call us if we agreed not to discuss Stone Temple Pilots, Velvet Revolver or anything that's happened to him in the past. He only wanted to discuss his new album.

One problem: That album's not out yet. And it doesn't seem close to being finished, either.

Also? Weiland's been playing almost nothing but STP and Velvet Revolver covers on his current tour.

Still, we reluctantly agreed to these clauses. Listen: Interviewing notoriously douchey, washed-up '90s rockers is kind of our thing. So we scheduled an interview for noon this past Thursday.

But here's the thing: Mr. Weiland never called.

Shocking, we know, given Weiland's reputation for being responsible and easy to work with.

Our loss, we suppose. And maybe yours? Even though it didn't end up going down, we thought we'd share the list of questions we came up with, which were basically the only ones that we could, given the strict criteria set forth by Weiland and his publicist.

Check them out. Then join us in wondering what Weiland's responses might have been.

• While outlining plans to send a manned space mission to Mars by 2030 last week, NASA chief Charles Bolden came out and said that colonizing mars will be necessary for the survival of the human race. Do you think your long-in-the-works third solo album will be finished by the time of that manned mission? And, if so, do you think Martian audiences will be more or less receptive to your solo work than audiences on your home planet?

• What's with that Game of Thrones rape scene? Too much?

• Being an expert on conflict, do you think the U.S. should intervene in the situation between Russia and the Ukraine?

• Given what you know about replacement performers, do you feel that Stephen Colbert was the best person to take over the Letterman job? Does the fact that we've really only seen him portraying a character concern you at all?

• After a years-long battle, a Connecticut high school student recently got McDonald's to agree to phase out gender stereotyping of the toys it gives away in its Happy Meals.You're kind of an androgynous guy. Did a part of you ever want the “girl toy” growing up?

• Last week, the governor of Georgia signed a law allowing its citizens to carry guns inside schools, bars, churches, and basically, everywhere else, too. Do you think this is what the forefathers had in mind when they wrote the second amendment?

• Did you watch True Detective? I bet you watched True Detective.

• Do you think the government will ever approve the sale of powdered alcohol? Do you think that, though its manufacturers expressly warn against it, people will experiment with snorting the product?

• How have you been most affected by the national lime shortage?

• Where are you going till tomorrow? Where are you going with the mask I found?

Scott Weiland performs Wednesday, April 30, at Trees.

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