The Nine Best North Texas Locations For Surviving The Impending Zombie Apocalypse.
Movies and books on zombies all start the same way. Mysterious crimes on the coasts, followed by suspicious whispers of odd behavior on the scene.
Actually, it's usually worse than just odd behavior. More often than not, the hushed conversations about these incidents follow more along the lines of unnatural behavior. Like, say, a quick bite of someone else's flesh the chewing off of a dead man's face or, in the most blatant of cases, the full-on consumption of brains.
No longer, however, can this be classified as strictly science fiction.
Frighteningly enough, each of the above, hyper-linked instances very much happened in real life in recent weeks. And, a man drunkenly biting off his cousin's nose — seems innocent enough, more likely the exception than the rule.
Still, the fact remains that the locales of these zombie-related scares are increasingly nearing Texas soil.
To that end, it's probably in all of our best interests to start plotting our defenses. With that in mind, here's a rundown of the nine best locations in and around North Texas to defend yourself against the rise of the zombies.
Reunion Tower. In George Romero's Land of the Dead well-off humans survived the zombie onslaught by holing up in the penthouse suites of a city's high-rise buildings. The same idea is at play here, albeit with some added advantages: The food supplies offered by Wolfgang Puck's Five Sixty restaurant are a plus, as is the fact that the space rotates within the tower's ball, giving survivors an easy way to scout the surrounding areas from their perch above. Potential downside: If you forget to turn the power to the tower's external LED lights off, you're just going to attract a lot of unwanted zombie attention.
The tunnels of Downtown Dallas. Not only will you be able to walk beneath the zombie-infested surface-level streets of the city by using these walking tunnels, but you'll be able to gain access to most of the area's buildings when searching for supplies. And the food courts should provide some sustenance, too. Potential downside: With so many points of entry, properly barricading yourself into this underground safe haven is a herculean task.
Lee Harvey's. There's booze, there's food, there's a fence surrounding the exterior of the property and there's a second line of defense thanks to the inner bar. There's probably someone nearby with a gun, too. Potential downside: That exterior fence will need some serious reinforcement.
The SMU crane. Hardly a long-term solution, but if you're looking to evade some zombies for, like, 12 hours, it's not a the worst option. Potential downside: No, the zombies won't kill you. But the fall will.
Billy Bob's Texas. There's booze, there's food, there's cows to slaughter when supplies get scarce, there's plenty of room to amble about in and, better even than the few points of entry, there aren't too many windows to worry about. Plus, you can, like, play pool if you get bored. Potential downside: Given this location's popularity as an entertainment destination, it's possible that zombies will descend upon Billy Bob's because of subconscious memories from their time as sentient humans.
Cowtown Cattlepen Maze. You can probably outwit the mindless zombies who follow you into this labyrinth. Plus, from the second-story observation deck, you can always know your weak points. Potential downside: There's plenty of wood for fire here, but few supplies otherwise.
Ray's Sporting Goods. It will take you a long time to run through all of the ammo and weapons stocked up at this hunting warehouse. And it's big enough to support a burgeoning society. Potential downside: You'll be defended well against zombie attacks, but what about the inevitable point at which humans turn against one another?
Cowboys Stadium. You and 100,000 of your closest friends can hole up in this massive safehouse, watch all the high-definition television you could possibly want, and have plenty of stadium foods to satisfy your urges. Potential downside: This building's usual inhabitants aren't exactly known for winning when it counts, so it stands to reason that the building itself is cursed.
Spec's Wines, Spirits & Finer Foods. Tons of food and tons of space, yes, But more important: Tons and tons of booze. No, not so you can get drunk, but so that you can make as many Molotov cocktails as you'll need for your defenses. Potential downside: With all that booze so readily available, people will get drunk, and drunks, fun as they can be at times, will be a definite liability.
NorthPark Center. You know why everyone died in Dawn of the Dead. It wasn't because the mall was a bad place to hole up — with all the room and food and supplies, it's pretty great, actually. It was because they left the mall. An added perk to NorthPark in particular? There will be no one under 16 to worry about looking after. Potential downside: You won't be able to walk around with your pants sagging. That's pretty much it.