Die Hard.

It's rarely a good idea to document one's criminal activities.

An even worse idea? Blasting your misdeeds to all of your social media followers and/or hashtagging your crimes to make it easier for bored authorities to find.

A Florida man found all this out the hard way when he was charged with 142 felonies stemming from photos a police officer saw on his Instagram account.

We're not saying you've got to keep a wholly clean nose this weekend, but it's probably a good idea to keep your questionable shenanigans on the down-low. Or maybe just stick to this weekend's numerous aboveboard options.

To that end, there are certainly more than a few places to keep yourself out of trouble these next few days.

Wax at Trees
For those who, like us, were actually excited by the prospects of a reunion tour from the Mallrats soundtrack alumni when they saw the name Wax pop up on Trees' calendar, we hate to be the bearers of bad news: While the California rockers remain broken up, the rapping internet sensation that has since swiped the moniker will be in town tonight. — Cory Graves

Die Hard at Texas Theatre
If you plan it out just right, you can catch the greatest Christmas story ever committed to film in theaters five times this week — that is, if you caught the 9:20 p.m. showing over at Texas Theatre and then hightailed it over to the Magnolia quick enough to catch their Midnight Madness screening on Friday night, repeated the process Saturday, and then caught Texas Theatre's matinee on Sunday. Sounds like a pretty solid way to commemorate the flick's 25th anniversary, if you ask us. — CG

Piranha Bear Art Show at Shipping & Receiving
Here's a Christmas-themed event that's got all the trimmings. You can purchase holiday gifts for your loved ones from 817-based artists, donate clothing to charity, and enter an ugly sweater contest. — CG

Swindle Boys (Album Release) at Three Links
This literal band of brothers recently picked up its roots and relocated from Arkansas to Fort Worth, and found a home for their musical pursuits via local label Hand Drawn Records in the process. The Boys' latest EP will earn its release at this show, which is being supported by fellow Fort Worthians We'rewolves and Austin's Brandon Callies Band. — CG

Dead Flowers, Goodnight Ned at The Grotto (Free)
To coincide with the second season of their locally-focused Chevy Music Showcase video series — which is now six episodes deep — the Chevy folks are kicking off the second season of their live series tonight in Fort Worth. Season Two bands Dead Flowers and Goodnight Ned are tonight's featured performers. We've also been told that The Grotto will be using the show to celebrate its fifth anniversary. — CG

Ice Skating at Klyde Warren Park
Didn't get your fill of slip-sliding around/busting your ass on the frozen sidewalks and streets that kept you home-bound all last weekend? Lucky you, as the managers of the Woodall Rodgers deck park will finally open its long promised artificial ice rink on Friday morning. Skate rentals are free following Friday's 11 a.m. opening ceremony, as well as every Tuesday from here on out. But they'll cost you a ten spot the rest of the weekend. — CG

Dallas Uber Alles, Stab Your Front and Manzig at Double Wide
Just in time for Friday the 13th comes this early '80s punk tribute triple-bill. Members of J. Charles & The Trainrobbers will show off their leather-clad, face-painted dark side as they take on the Misfits catalog, Denton's Pink Smoke and Dallas' The Lash Outs will combine forces to tackle The Damned, and the award-winning Dallas Uber Alles will nail their headlining Dead Kennedys set. Hell, if you get enough Yoohoo Yeehaws in you beforehand, you might even swear you're watching the real thing. — CG

D.L. Hughley at Arlington Improv
Comedian D.L. Hughley is known for, um, The Hughleys. And for having a show on CNN for a while. And he'll be at the Improv all weekend long, performing a whole slew of shows. The first one's tonight at 8 p.m. — Mikel Galicia

The SantaLand Diaries at WaterTower Theatre
Long before Billy Bob Thornton's Bad Santa played up the illicit antics of alcoholic mall Santas for comic effect, it was a reality that humorist David Sedaris lived. He famously recounted his disgruntled winter spent working as an elf at Macy's in a 1992 essay that has since become something of a holiday tradition in its own right. (You can listen to Sedaris reading his 1992 essay here.) Anyway, the Addison Theatre Centre will begin staging its adaptation of the work tonight. It will run through the 29th. — CG

Date Night Skate Night at Hilton Anatole
Unlike the other, more kid-friendly, outdoor ice skating rink opening down the street, The Anatole turns its imitation frozen pond into a two-hour couples skate session every Friday at 8 p.m. A quick word of advice, though: Don't continuously complain to your date that you could've gotten a free skate rental if you had only opted to skate Klyde Warren's rink instead. C'mon, rookie, you don't want to look cheap. — CG

A Spune Christmas at Dan's Silverleaf
Originally set to take place last Saturday, Spune's Denton Christmas party has been rescheduled for tonight. In the process, another couple of bands have been added to the bill. The full lineup now includes Robert Gomez, Moonbather, The Days, Blessin' and Tiger Tooth & Paw. There'll also be free tacos if you show up early enough. — CG

semigloss.magazine Issue 4 Release Party at Beefhaus
The fourth issue of Sally Glass' art quarterly — this issue's titled “FUTURE” — will earn its release at Art Beef's Beefhaus (833 Exposition Avenue) this weekend, where Pierre Burger's solo exhibition “0 Likes” will also be celebrating its opening. Admission and booze are free, but the magazine costs $10. — CG

Toys For Tots Concert at Trees
Similar to last month's Thanks For Giving concert, which required canned food items as part of its admission, you'll have to bring an unwrapped toy to the venue tonight if you want to catch sets by Drowning Pool, Adakain, Even the Dead Love a Parade and As Above, So Below. We've also heard it's a good way to get back on the big guy's “Nice List.” — CG

Dallas Winter Warmer at Main Street Garden Park
There are plenty of beer festivals during the warmer parts of the year. In the winter, though? There is only one. Seasonal winter beers from 40 breweries will be on hand for sampling purposes. Somebody's Darling and Jace Everett (of True Blood theme song fame) will perform as well. — CG

Lord Blakely: Portraits of a Ninja (Opening) at Public Trust
Portland artist Blakely Dadson returns to the Public Trust for his second solo exhibition at the gallery. This one focuses on a handful of mixed media portraits of the Jamaican dancehall DJ, alleged rapist and murderer, and pro-gun advocate Ninja Man. It will be interesting to see if Blakely's portraits capture nearly as much of the “Murder Dem” musician's blatant arrogance as the rudeboy's own lyrics do. — CG

Curtis Heath Cancer Benefit at Dada
Curtis Heath of Fort Worth band The Theater Fire was recently diagnosed with melanoma, and, much like Bludded Head musician Nevada Hill, who was diagnosed with the disease earlier this summer, Heath is also currently without health insurance. Also, much like Hill's friends and bandmates, who have been organizing benefit concerts on his behalf to help relieve some of the mounting treatment costs, Heath's friends have organized this benefit, which will include a buffet courtesy of Fuzzy's and Which Wich, raffle items and sets from the newly re-formed Pleasant Grove, as well as from Will Johnson, Myopic and Panther Robe. — CG

Santa Rampage at, um, a lot of places around town
What the fuck is a Santa Rampage and how do I avoid this at all costs? Just kidding. It's actually a bar crawl where you're encouraged to dress in a Santa suit because that is in no way creepy. Nope. Not creepy. — Chelsea Upton

Sealion, Native America and War Party at Double Wide
Fort Worth's War Party will use tonight's punk-heavy affair to release its new Tomorrow's a Drag cassette. Between the time that the doo-wop punks released a handful of EPs last year and began working on this, its first proper full-length at Eagle Audio, the band's added a trombone to its already heavily trumpet-infused sound. On top of that, the piano and organ overdubs they added in the studio give War Party's catalog a newfound focus and polish, but not at the expense of some of the rougher edges. — CG

Mingle Jingle Jingle Mingle at WAAS Gallery
The measly $5 cover to get into the WAAS Gallery tonight will go quite a long way at this art-minded holiday party. Aside from the requisite keg, the gallery's current “American Painting Now” exhibition will be ripe for oogling, and DJ Taylor Effin Cleveland will unveil a new mural and a “multi-sensory audio-visual collaboration” with Christopher Jon Martin. — CG

Gatsby's Winter Ball at Gatsby's Mansion
The full lineup of touring and local acts playing this day-long Denton DIY show has changed a few times since it was first announced. But if you click the link above, it should reflect the most up-to-date list of confirmed acts as well as directions to the spot. We guarantee the performers will be a diverse lot, though, from the folkier Ryan Thomas Becker end of the spectrum to the heavy-as-shit Terminator 2 extreme. — CG

Everlast at Hat Tricks
Lewisville's premier live music venue celebrates its 10th anniversary on Saturday night with original House of Pain frontman Everlast, who is currently in the middle of his “The Life Acoustic” tour. We can only imagine that this means he'll rotate through “The Ends” and “What It's Like” a handful of times before winding up the proceedings with a special solo acoustic version of “Jump Around.” — CG

An Evening With Tammi True at Lucky Dog Books
Tammi True, who at age 75 is just weeks removed from her most recent burlesque performance, is an interesting character, to say the very least. The former regular at Jack Ruby's Carousel Club has also recently co-authored a biography on that notorious Dallasite, which she'll be signing tonight out in Oak Cliff. — CG

Christmas Lights Bike Ride at Trinity Hall
Screw the tree. String those lights on your fixie and meet the Switching Gears crew up at Mockingbird Station's Trinity Hall Irish Pub at 5 p.m. Then go admire Christmas lights around town with your two-wheeled compadres. Ugly Christmas sweaters are highly encouraged. — CG

Brian Setzer Orchestra at Allen Events Center
The biggest beneficiary of the mid-'90s swing dance revival brings his annual Christmas shindig to town for the 10th straight year. Seriously, though: Who has any idea what the other dudes from the Stray Cats are up to these days? There are worse fates than being relegated to year after year of doing holiday shows, though. We read the other day that the abysmally-named Cherry Poppin' Daddies are all working day jobs these days. — CG

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.


















































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