Play Fair.

A few days ago, a disgruntled Rob Kardashian (allegedly) tweeted out his sister Kylie Jenner’s phone number over a family dispute. So, um, you can go on over and text it, but you’re gonna be wasting your damn time. There’s no way she’s hitting you back, much less 10,000 other creepy strangers — and that’s if she’s even kept the number.

Fortunately, there’s several dozen better ways to spend your time this weekend. Hopefully we haven’t wasted our time by putting together a list of a few ways for you to do just that. — Cory Graves

Kacey Musgraves at State Fair of Texas
At the complete opposite end of the rampant, repugnant bro country movement are acts like the Mineola-raised Kacey Musgraves, who blown up in the past couple of years thanks to her honest and tender songs about drinking whiskey, smoking weed and not giving a fuck about conforming to anyone else’s standards. It’s paid off, too, earning Musgraves multiple Grammy’s and other recognitions in recent years. And you can watch her totes for free, other than what you paid to get into the fair, that is. — CG

Johnnyswim at American Airlines Center
This power couple gives us hope when it comes to love. To be so intimately close in every aspect of life is… wow. We don’t even know if we could do it. But we wish them the best. Now the music that comes out of Johnnyswim reflects the strength and intimacy behind the duo, and is almost whimsical and fairy-tale-esque. Not that we’re complaining. See real life love in the form of music tonight at the AAC. — Chrissi Chetwood

Shane Smith & the Saints at Billy Bob’s
Shane Smith & The Saints are a folk rock band spawning in the wave of folk-rock bands that came after Mumford and Sons got big. They sound a lot like Mumford and Sons as well, whether you consider that a good or bad thing is up to you. Alls we know is they’re starting to get really big themselves. — Paul Wedding

Mishka Shubaly Happy Hour Stand-Up Comedy at Twilite Lounge (Free)
A hardcore alcoholic for 20 years, Shubaly decided he was going to quit one day, cold turkey, without the help of AA. And so he did. And then he became an ultra-marathon runner. And got shipwrecked at some point along the way and had to drink his own pee. And then he got rescued about five minutes later. He’s written about these and many other humorous tales, and here he’ll spin some of these yarns live in person. — CG

DJ Biz Markie at House of Blues
Biz Markie did this at 35 Denton earlier this year, and it got a pretty mixed response. He doesn’t really rap that much, he just plays a bunch of old songs from the ’80s and ’90s. But hey, if that sounds like fun to you, check it out. But you could probably do that at your house for free. — PW

Different Strokes at The Foundry (Free)
Two hours of Strokes covers from Dallas’ only Strokes cover band. — Different Nikolai

Reimagine Crowdus
At the final night of the pop-up park, Studio 22 starts to wind things down with free swing dancing and country dancing lessons. — CG

State Fair PolaWalk
Kick off the world’s first-ever three-day Instant Film convention with the Instant Film Society’s fifth annual State Fair #PolaWalk. They’re meeting up in Deep Ellum at 4 p.m., walking down to the fair together, and then back to Ellum for a little night shooting. — CG

C.W. Stoneking at Lola’s Trailer Park
C.W. Stoneking represents the last vestiges of a bygone musical era, namely the raspy blues rock of the early ’50s. In terms of controversy, it pales in comparison to the current market. That doesn’t mean Stoneking won’t be able to embody an element of danger at his Fort Worth gig this weekend. — Calvin Cashen

Brew-Haha Comedy Series at Rabit Hole Brewing
Laugh until Dark Snark comes out your nose as comedians CJ Starr, Tony Ybarra and Kerry Smith perform stand-up in this week’s edition of the brewery-set comedy series. — CG

An Intimate Acoustic Evening With Civil Twilight at Three Links
Civil Twilight is a South African band that loves you very, very much. In an emotional sort of way. You can tell by the grandiose ballads and all the falsetto singing, and also by the fact that they are sad all of the time. Maybe you should cheer them up by going to the show? Bring flowers. — Chelsea Upton

Doug Ybarra at Hyena’s (Dallas)
The Bedford-raised Ted 2/We Bought a Zoo actor continues his weekend-long run of stand-up sets in Dallas. — CG

That Time of the Comedy Show at Drugstore Cowboy
Jasmine Ellis hosts this crop of homegrown stand-ups, including 2014’s funniest comic in Texas, Linda Stogner. — CG

Ice Nine Kills at The Prophet Bar
Like its name, which comes from Kurt Vonnegut’s Cat’s Cradle, Boston metalcore band Ice Nine Kills based every track from its most recent LP after a famous piece of literature. That is to say, unlike a lot of scream-y type bands, the words are pretty tantamount in this case. Sylar and Secrets open. — CG

Skid Row at Trees
Newsflash for any of you who were planning on attending this one just to bust Sebastian Bach’s balls about his role on Gilmore Girls or to beat him down with requests for Hep Alien tunes: Bach hasn’t fronted the band since 1997. Hats off to the rest of the band for keeping around so many original members since their 1986 formation, though. In all seriousness that’s not an easy thing to do. — CG

Two Door Cinema Club at South Side Ballroom
The Scottish trio says their forthcoming third album was mostly inspired by the music of Prince and Bowie, both of who seamlessly blended avant garde touches with massively appealing pop. Jack Garratt opens. — CG

Tycho at The Bomb Factory
Not necessarily known as an exciting performer, per se, Tycho’s warm and ambient brand of electro-pop are mostly able to handle the heavy lifting. And where they aren’t, the former graphic designer provides plenty of interesting visuals to fill in the gaps. — CG

The Warden (Vinyl Release) at Double Wide
The Warden is the stage name of longtime Dallas musician Ward Richmond. The Warden plays good ol’ fashioned Texas country music, with a focus on country guitar and the occasional horn, as well as strong storytelling in the lyrics. It’s fun and authentic music that’s at least worth a listen. And in addition to his usual Miller Lites, shots and fights, he’ll also be offering up copies of his album on vinyl for the first time. — Paul Wedding

Brutal Juice, Huffer, Mean Motor Scooter at Chat Room
Per the ol’ FB event page, Brutal Juice say they haven’t performed on Magnolia Avenue in over 20 years. With a new album out in the coming weeks, though, it’s time to get back into the swing. Huffer and Mean Motor Scooter open. — CG

Meat Beat Manifesto at Dada
Before The Prodigy, Chemical Brothers or Nine Inch Nails, there was ’80s electronica pioneers Meat Beat Manifesto. They’re doing something a little jazzier these days. Blixaboy and PINTALABIOS get the stage warmed up. — CG

Spoopy Show at Bearded Monk
Halloween-themed poetry readings, song singing and other performances. It’s never too early to get in the spirit, drink up the pumpkin beers and get a little extra mileage out of that costume. — CG

Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King at Texas Theatre (Sold Out)
When not serving as a correspondent on The Daily Show in recent years, Minhaj has been starring in his own one-man show on Broadway. Now he’s taking it on the road. — CG

Nora En Pure at RBC
From Coachella to RBC, Swedish house DJ Nora En Pure drops the beat in Deep Ellum. Closed Caption, Chrs Roze and Black Frames get the floors all warm. — CG

Doug Loves Movies Podcast at Hyena’s (Dallas)
Comedy Central darling and marijuana enthusiast Doug Benson is at Hyena’s Dallas tonight. He’s played a few roles in the industry; TV host, writer, actor and his latest project is a podcast called Doug Loves Movies . It’s basically just meandering funny banter on movies, which is something you can definitely sign us up for. It’s also something he’ll be recording at — get this! — 4:20 this Saturday. — Diamond Victoria

ACL Live Stream at The Bomb Factory (Free)
The Bomb Factory’s bringing in some fake grass to mimic the feel of Zilker Park, to make their live stream of this weekend’s ACL feel all the more authentic. It’ll also be your second-ever chance to hear Blue, the Misfit’s new album before the masses get ahold of it. — CG

White Mystery at Three Links
Helping celebrate the 40th of resident ice cream punk Aaron Barker, King Camel’s throwing a party with sets from beloved Chicago rock duo White Mystery, as well as perennial favorites Party Static and our new obsession, Lizzie Boredom. — CG

Deep Ellum Urban Race at Life in Deep Ellum
Regular scavengers hunts are already cool as they are, but the Deep Ellum Urban Race happening this Saturday? Even better. Not only teams venture out to find things as is the norm with scavenger hunts, but they’ll also enjoy activities such as painting murals, crafting instruments and more. So round up some friends and sign up! — Carly Seitz

Prairie View A&M vs Grambling at the Cotton Bowl
Though it doesn’t always get the same shine the annual Texas-Oklahoma game does, the State Fair Classic, as this game is sometimes called, is steeped in just as much tradition. Most years, it’s just as exciting a contest, too. Plus, it has a better halftime show. — CG

Andy Timmons at Granada Theater
The guy from whose instructional VHS I learned how to play bar chords from back in the day noodles all expert-like on the Granada’s stage, live in person. — CG

Cute is What We Aim For at Gas Monkey Bar N’ Grill
this year marks the 10th anniversary of the band’s debut album, The Same Old Blood Rush With a New Touch, so expect tonight’s set list to draw heavily from that brief time when they were actually a bigger deal than label mates Panic! at the Disco. — CG

Die Antwoord at House of Blues (Sold Out)
“Fuck the upperclass!” Die Antwoord sings in its single “Rich Bitch,” but is it real? Their delightfully tacky, aesthetic and trashy, Afrikaan-laced lyrics are amusing, sure, but is any of it genuine? And, at the end of the day, whether you find their appropriation of style originated by musicians largely trapped in apartheid-created slums fascinating or utterly appalling one thing is certain: they are hard to look away from. — CG

Eliot Sumner at The Foundry (Free)
English singer-songwriter Eliot Sumner is the offspring of Sting and Trudie Styler. But thanks to her well-received synthpop output, she’s made a name all her own. My Jerusalem opens. — CG

Flume at South Side Ballroom
Australian DJ/producer Flume spun at Lollapalooza earlier this summer. Now he brings the dance party indoors where it belongs. Wave Racer and Charles Murdoch warm the floors. — CG

Gojira at Gas Monkey Live
This French band that was once known as Godzilla, will try and save the environment through its green-minded prog metal. — CG

St. Lucia at Trees
Entertainment Weekly called St. Lucia’s most recent record the ’80s throwback effort of the year. RIYL Phil Collins, Lionel Richie and their cohorts. — CG

Texas Beer Camp at Long Road Farm
Like craft beer so much you have to drive to Princeton, Texas and sleep overnight about it? Welp, here you go. Since it’s a camping thing, we’ll offer up a pro tip we recently learned ourselves: nacho cheese Doritos make the perfect campfire starter. Yes, really. — CG

Oak Cliff Lively Fest at Bishop Arts District
It’s a family-friendly reggae/roots festival. — CG

Ninkasi Last Band Standing Finale at Dada
The summer-long battle of the bands is down to its final three contestants. Repel the Robot, Shotgun Friday and SuperSonic Lips vie for an opening slot on this fall’s Untapped Dallas. But everyone wins here, really, as Leagues is coming in for a special guest headlining set. — CG

Panther City Pep Rally at Lola’s Saloon
A shit ton of Fort Worth band peeps are mixing and mingling it up as tribute acts for the night. The music of STP, Fountains of Wayne, Tenacious D and Queens of the Stone Age are but a few of the acts whose catalogs will be represented. — CG

Inaugural OPening at The Box Company
The new gallery at 2425 Myrtle hosts its first-ever opening. This one features new works by Francisco Moreno and Paul Winker. — CG

Videofest Presents: The Kovacs Award and Tapeheads Screening at Kessler Theater
Before this month’s VideoFest, organizers will honor former Dallasite/Monkees guitarist Michael Nesmith with this year’s Kovacs Award, named after influential television comedian Ernie Kovacs. A screening of Tapeheads accompanies the proceedings. — CG

Eva O at Double Wide
The Queen of Darkness, aka ex-Christian Death member Eva O does a deathrock set that’ll hit harder than dad. Tearful Moon, iill, Static of Masses, Deform Uniform and DJ Ragnarok open. — CG

That Thing You Do! at Alamo Drafthouse (Richardson)
In Tom Hanks’ That Thing You Do!, the audience is taken on a joyous journey alongside an ambitious boy band that starts out with nothing. It’s exciting to watch along as those characters grow and progress with their music. There’s drama, sure, but the focal point of the film is the group’s success and the fun its members have while getting there. It also doesn’t hurt that the film’s catchy title song sneaks up on you in the best possible way. — Chase Whale

PolaCon at Evers Hardware Building
Day 2 of the world’s first-ever three-day instant film convention heads to Denton, where activities will include an instant film pop-up museum, a town square PolaWalk, and a variety of workshops and demos from folks like Impossible Project’s Patrick Tobin, for instance, who will be at Denton Camera Exchange from noon to 3 p.m. — CG

Endless Night Vampire Ball at The Church
This year’s big Endless Night Vampire Ball in New Orleans will bear a Cirque du Vampyre theme. This official pre-party celebrating the “mystery, magick, romance, sensuality and immortality of the Vampire World and culture,” will feature performances by IckyMuffin, Miss Malicious, Emma D’Lemma and Courtney Crave among others. — CG

Captain Blood at 508 Park Amphitheater
The first of eight films co-starring Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland, this 1935 pirate flick was the epic that took them from unknowns and made them major Hollywood stars. — CG

Catfish & the Bottlemen at House of Blues
British rockers Catfish & the Bottlemen aren’t big on subtlety, instead favoring huge choruses that have been described by some critics as “ham-fisted.” NME‘s Ben Homewood, for instance, says the band is, like, so 2005. Maybe some of you remember that year more fondly than he. — CG

Ex-Cult at Dada
Previously known as Sex Cult, Ex-Cult creates a sound all its own by combining elements of several historic genres: ’60s psychedelic rock, ’70s post punk and ’80s U.S. hardcore. POWER, Thyroids and Slimy Member open. — CG

Maná at American Airlines Center
Well-adored by that of the Hispanic community is Maná, a four-piece Latin rock outfit famed for blending “the perfect amount of visuals, special effects and storytelling” with its global audience is taking to the 18,000+ person capacity American Airlines Center. — EH

New Language at Double Wide
New Language is At the Drive-In/Sparta drummer Tony Hajjar’s new band, that only started playing live back in April. Get in on the ground floor, relatively speaking, as Dead Mockingbirds and Aztec Death open. — CG

Stevie Ray Vaughan Remembrance Ride and Concert at South Side Ballroom
Los Lonely Boys headlines the concert portion of this 22nd annual SRV motorcycle ride. It takes off from the Hard Rock Cafe on Houston Street, and winds all through town on the way to the venue. — CG

Thrice at Gas Monkey Live
After a three-year hiatus, Cali post-hardcore outfit Thrice reunited, releasing its ninth LP this spring. This tour is in support of that disc, obvs. — CG

PolaCon at Patterson-Appleton Arts Center
During Day 3 of PolaCon, Jason Lee will discuss his new Refueled Magazine ONE SERIES photobook. There’ll also be a live podcast taping, a Q&A with the Impossible Project’s Patrick Tobin, and a workshop to brainstorm ideas for next year’s PolaCon. Yup, looks like this thing aims at becoming an annual event. — CG

Gay Day at the State Fair of Texas
October is LGBT History Month, and so while the State Fair hasn’t officially thrown its endorsement behind this event, a whole lotta folks aim at making this an unofficial Gay Day at the fair. Rainbow shirts and the like are encouraged. — CG

Two-Year Anniversary at CBC
Hell, Texas and Mo Robinson will play the sweet country jams to commemorate CBC’s second anniversary of slinging cold beer in Deep Ellum. Don’t worry, they’ll wait until after the Cowboys are done playing. — CG

Gnash at Trees
Garret Nash, or just Gnash as he’s known in the DJ world, is a 23-year-old singer/songwriter/producer/DJ that shares almost all of his musical influences with Seth Cohen. — CG

Maltese Falcon at Alamo Drafthouse (Richardson)
Fans of the classic film noir genre rejoice! Join Humphrey Bogart and Mary Astor in a tale of deception, love and greed. This 1941 adaptation of Dashiell Hammett’s novel of the same name is directed by John Huston and was nominated for best picture and best screenplay at the 1941 Academy Awards. — DV

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