Guess Who Is Knocking.

Consider yourself lucky. While the Northeast is busy getting pounded by Winter Storm Jonas, it'll be sunny and potentially in the 60s down here in Dallas. So much for another Snowpocalypse!

Lucky you, indeed. While all those Yankee chumps are holing up, there's damn near 60 ways to go out and enjoy your temperate fall-like winter weekend. Score! — Cory Graves

Friday
Patton Oswalt at Majestic Theatre
Known far and wide for his roles as Spencer in The King of Queens and as the voice of Remy in Ratatouille, and revered in indie film circles for his roles in the movies Young Adult and Big Fan, Oswalt — the original Comedian of Comedy himself! — is just as likely to riff on politics as he is to wax poetically about nerd culture, as he famously did during his epic Star Wars filibuster scene on Parks & Recreation. Expect lots of self-deprecation. — Pete Freedman

Futurebirds at Dada
Futurebirds hails from the musical hotbed of Athens, Georgia, a college town that has incubated acts like R.E.M., the B-52s and the Drive-by Truckers. That's not to say the band is reminiscent of any of those acts, though. Instead, Futurebirds sounds utterly unique, featuring a potent mix of psychedelia, alt-country, garage rock and folk. Susto opens. — Stephen Young

The Crooks at Magnolia Motor Lounge
Where so many other southern-sounding bands try and do things like mix in a little trumpets here and there, the Crooks is one of the few acts that actually pulls it off without coming off too cutesy or like a bunch of hipster charlatans. We've been a fan of this Austin-based, outlaw country act and its tough and convincing brand of western-themed tunes for a while now, which makes tonight's stop somewhat bittersweet. It'll be the band's last-ever stop in town. Next month, following one last blowout at Antone's, the band's parting ways to begin work on solo projects. — CG

Gershwin's Greatest Hits at Meyerson Symphony Center
The Dallas Symphony will be showcasing some of George Gershwin's greatest hits for three nights. The show will include songs from Funny Face , Lullaby and Porgy and Bess . Jeff Tyzik will be at the helm as conductor, Janice Chandler-Eteme holds down the soprano, Kevin Deas as the bass-baritone and the University of Texas at Arlington A Capella Choir will join in at the direction of Karen Kenaston-French. Friday and Saturday's show starts at 7:30 p.m. and Sunday's matinee will start at 2:30 p.m. Tickets are still on sale and range anywhere from $32 to $138. — Roberto Aguilar

Drinking and Learning at Perot Museum (Sold Out)
Science is cool as shit. You know what makes it even cooler? Alcohol. Perot is offering the unique experience to drinking-age adults to see their new exhibit, “Creatures of Light”, while imbibing various cocktails. The exhibit offers a closer look at the science behind bioluminescence and light. See new, innovative experiments and inventions and toss a few back with your mates. — Paul Wedding

Jacob Metcalf (Album Release) at Kessler Theater
Jacob Metcalf is a local musician — you may remember him from his stint in Fox & the Bird — who has spent the past several years living in a crawl space, saving money to put together his debut album, Fjord. Described by Metcalf as being about splintered people in a fractured age, the album shares a lot of similar elements to Sufjan Stevens's more folk-like albums, with meticulous orchestration and a heavy emotional tone. — PW

Avant, Jagged Edge, Dru Hill: 2016 at Music Hall at Fair Park
Relive the unforgettable corniness that is '90s R&B when Avant, Jagged Edge and Dru HIll perform at Music Hall in Fair Park. It's not Boyz II Men, but it's close enough. — PW

Paris is Burning at Texas Theatre
Now entering its third year, CineWilde has quick become one of the go-to organizations for queer cinema. Once again they'll kick off the year with a screening of the long-heralded 1990 documentary on old New York's ball scene of the '80s — this year it's a newly remastered, 25th anniversary edition, though — with an accompanying audience participation catwalk. Get your vogue on. — CG

DJ Craze at Red Light Lounge
The video on the main page of DJ Craze's website shows him watching videos of wack ass DJs while a clip plays from Tosh.0 ripping DJs for being professional iPod controllers. “Enough of this,” says the look on Craze's face as he walks over to his gold-plated turntables and begins scratching beats on his all-white vinyl. Friday night at Red Light Lounge, DJ Craze will bring this swagger to an all hip-hop set. Tickets for general admission start at $11.54, but for the baller price of $317.49, you get four tickets and VIP bottle service. Junk Food and YVNG CLOUD open. — RA

Railroad Earth at Granada Theater
Railroad Earth is a progressive bluegrass band, which is apparently a thing. Known for its unique selection of instruments and refined arrangements, the band attempts to take what people think they know about bluegrass and Americana music and flip it on its head with the use of drums and amplifiers. Wood & Wire opens. — PW

Kevin Aldridge (Single Release) at The Chat Room Pub
Here, Fort Worth's Kevin Aldridge & The Appraisers drops the Juan Gonzalez-nodding single “El Juando,” the second of four tracks recorded for the band by Jordan Richardson. Spin it here and catch on the sing-along chorus at the official release show at Chat Room Pub this Friday. — CG

Turbid North, Pro test, Hint of Death at Three Links
If the names weren't a dead giveaway, the three groups are local heavy metal groups It's pretty standard metal fare, complete with heavy, brooding guitars, rapid drumming and disgustingly visceral screaming. You're probably going to want to bring earplugs for this one. — PW

Two Tons of Steel at Mother Truckers
Men, crease your Wranglers. Women, tease your hair. And get on over to Mother Truckers for a night of honky-tonk and two-stepping. San Antonio's Two Tons of Steel headline the night with their old school flavor of Western swing and country — and maybe even a Ramones cover like you've never heard before. And, be sure to catch locals The Blondettes as well. The trio of female vocalists cover pop artists such as Beyonce and Robin Thicke. — RA

Bullet Machine at The Underpass
The menu at The Underpass, for those who haven't heard, consists of TV dinners and Hot Pockets for Christ's sake. And what better to spend a sloppy night than listening to some of DFW's best current punk bands. Bullet Machine headlines the night with their crusty style of punk, but be sure to check out Blood Letters who will open along with Pink Smoke, Stealers and The Duck Creeps. — RA

Howard Kremer at Three Links
Comedian Howard Kremer has performed stand-up on numerous talk shows, and co-hosts the weekly podcast, Who Charted? He is also a comedic rapper, under the name of Dragon Boy Suede. The 44-year-old has released several instant classics such as “Nut Valet” and “Quit Playing Video Games and Get Laid.” He'll be telling jokes at the punk club tonight. Paul Varghese opens. — PW

Our Bodies Our Lives 2016 at Seven for Parties (Free)
The Texas Equal Access Fund is putting on the largest pro-choice event in Texas as they commemorate Roe v. Wade, the U.S. Supreme Court decision that legalized abortion in 1973. The party serves as a way for people to learn more about protecting access to healthcare and how to stop future bills harming these rights. The night's festivities start off with drinks, food and guest speaker Dale Hansen who is the outspoken sportscaster for WFAA. Amy Vanderoef, formerly of Good Morning Texas, will be master of ceremonies. DJ G will start the dance party at 8 p.m. until the night is over. — RA

National Pie Day at Norma's Cafe
Holy smokes! Free Pie? Yup, and Norma's Cafe is celebrating National Pie Day a day early by serving up the best mile-high pie at all three locations in Oak Cliff, North Dallas and Frisco. The featured pie is The Elvis which consists of peanut butter, banana, chocolate and bacon. Certainly a heart-attack pie fit for The King. The free pie is for dine-in only and limited to one per customer. — RA

Django Reinhardt Festival at Arts Fifth
With but two good fingers, Django Reinhardt crated a new technique of guitar playing now referred to as “hot” jazz. The festival will celebrate his life and legacy including three nights of film, music and French cuisine, as well as gypsy guitar clinics on Saturday and Sunday afternoon. This year's festival is dedicated to the memory of Slim “Smiles” Richey, a jazz guitarist from Austin referred to as “the most dangerous guitarist in Texas.” —PW

American Aquarium at Billy Bob's
Last year, the North Carolina-bred country rockers released their sophomore long-player, Wolves. After burning through over 20 different bandmates, the album is one that finds the band's hard-partying, road warrior frontman B.J. Barham finally locking down a more solidified lineup. At least you won't be drinking alone tonight. — CG

Harlis Sweetwater Band at Gas Monkey Bar N' Grill (Free)
Harlis Sweetwater Band hails from Huntington Beach, California, and knows how to play blues rock as much as they know how to rock grizzled beards and sunglasses. Their latest album, Put It In Dirt, goes from melodic acoustic to blistering guitar riffs in the blink of an eye. Danny Hill opens playing his mean steel guitar. — RA

Pulp Fiction at Inwood Theatre
Can you describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like? If your answer is “What?” then we double-dare you to say “What?” one more time. If your answer is anything else, we double dare you to check out the screening of Pulp Fiction showing at midnight this Friday and Saturday. If you wanna dance, if you wanna win… well, just go to this tonight. — Trace McCaslin

Saturday
Three-Year Anniversary at Community Beer Co.
Community Beer Company is celebrating its three-year anniversary by providing more than 40 craft beers, a plethora of food trucks and live music from Charley Crockett and Shotgun Friday. Not to mention you can show off your best beer face at the Photo Wagon photo booth. As with most beer festivals and parties, there will be three levels of admission. A $65 Premiere ticket gets you in at noon, a complimentary food truck ticket, a t-shirt, a commemorative glass and a drink card. Forty-five dollars gets you early entry at 1:30 p.m., a glass and a drink card. For all you general addmissioners, $30 gets you in at 3 p.m. and a special glass to drink all the beer you want, responsibly of course. — RA

Ryan Bingham at Billy Bob's
In maybe the show of the weekend, the gravel-voiced Americana singer-songwriter — and co-author of the Oscar-winning song “The Weary Kind” from 2009's Crazy Heart — hits up the legendary Fort Worth honky-tonk tonight. — CG

Barrence Whitfield & the Savages at Three Links
It's been written that '80s outfit Barrence Whitfield & The Savages are to the soul genre what the Cramps are to rockabilly. How so? Well, they offer up a skuzzy, fast-paced musical gateway into a musical realm previously not all that familiar to its audience. Back in 2013, after a decade-long hiatus, the band released a raucous debut effort for Bloodshot Records, following it up with another in 2015. Johnny Hootrock opens. — CG

Kathleen Madigan at Majestic Theatre
Kathleen Madigan has been performing comedy for the past 25 years and has been on pretty much every late-night talk show you can think of. She is also one of several comedians recently to accuse Amy Schumer of stealing jokes. Expect a fiery performance this weekend. — PW

Sarah Jaffe at Dan's Silverleaf
Like she does once a year, Sarah Jaffe heads back to the Denton club where she once worked as a bartender to headline back-to-back nights. Both will probably sell out, so advanced ticket purchases are highly recommended. Ronnie Heart opens night one. — CG

A Conversation with Bogdan Perzyński at Liliana Bloch Gallery
Bogdan PerzyÅ„ski is a Polish-born artist currently residing in Austin. For nearly 40 years, he has specialized in installation art, seeing art as organic and fluid rather as strictly objective. The gallery is holding this event in correlation with the release of his newest exhibitions, “TABLE” and “32° 47' 56.6678'' N, 96° 50' 9.5598″ W.” The former being a large-scale photographic installation and the latter being a live video feed from directly above the gallery. Here's a chance to better know PerzyÅ„ski and his work. — PW

Dog Fit Dallas at Klyde Warren Park
Dallas' version of Cesar Millan (read: Dog Fit Dallas owner Art Ortiz) is every bit as gifted as the famed Dog Whisperer. Ortiz once made news after parading six members of his pack through a local Neiman Marcus to judge how dog-friendly the store was. And you know how many times he was approached by angered employees? None. None times. He'll be at Klyde Warren Park for this event, offering up some tips to try out on your own pups. — CG

The Unlikely Candidates, BUHU, Panic Volcanic at Lola's
BUHU, an electronic artrock band from Austin, is releasing its debut full-length, Relationshapes. The trio writes wonderfully danceable songs all about being young, loving your friends and everyone's favorite, LSD. Opening up is Fort Worth's Panic Volcanic, a band whose grinding sex rock will get your youthful juice flowing. Local Atlantic signees The Unlikely Candidates close out the night. — RA

Danny Diamonds (Album Release) at Rubber Gloves
Denton's favorite agro-indie-rockboy, Danny Diamonds, is releasing his new self-titled album at the venerable Rubber Gloves. Recently, he posted to Facebook a message in all caps deploring Denton not to become Disney-fied with a picture of a family crossed out like a smoking ban that reads, “Family-Free Denton.” Other Denton up-and-comers Abacaba and The Speedlights open the show. — RA

Vice Palace Presents: Lord Byron, Tidals, Francine 13 at Deep Vellum
This showcase of Dallas' most unique, forward-thinking artists promises to be one of Vice Palace's most inspiring and intimate shows to date. The show includes the dark, poetic rapper Lord Byron, the ethereal synthetic sounds of Tidals and the inner alchemist by way of the planet Venus, Francine Thirteen with Shooknite. Five dollar wristbands go on sale at 9 p.m. sharp, and only 100 of them are available. So be prompt, it'll do you some good. — RA

Slackbeat at Crown and Harp
If you look at the Facebook event page, apparently nothing is happening. But that is surely not the case if you are familiar with the raucous sounds of Slackbeat. They improvise, they yell things, they make noise. It's metal and magnetic, well, if you're drawn to a cacophony. Trauma Model and Curtain open. — RA

One-Year Anniversary at The cOoompound
North Dallas house venue The cOoompound is throwing its first birthday bash with an extensive list of bands. There's nine bands total, but only 11 musicians between them, which is pretty rare. The Facebook event page claims there should be creative collaboration abound. The lineup includes some soundscape artists, some freak folk and one band, Field Guide, that sounds very Olympia, Washington in the early 2000s. Admission is a suggested donation of $5, and BYOB as any good house venue should be. — RA

“UNCERTAIN PLACES”: Ken Craft & Adam Neese at 1717 Gould St.
The Ro2 Gallery is holding an opening reception for Ken Craft and Adam Neese at their pop-up location at 1717 Gould Street. The multi-faceted work of painter and illustrator Ken Craft depicts landscapes mixed with elements of cartoonish storytelling. His showcase partner, Adam Neese, is a photographer and assistant professor at the University of North Texas. His work contemplates landscapes and its inhabitants. One photo project of his titled “Texas Bigfoot” explores the mythology and fable of Bigfoot in Texas. Uncertain Places will continue to show through February 21. — RA

Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy at Verizon Theatre
Along with with a couple of onetime Dallasites (Ron White and Bill Engvall) this southern-fried pair make up 50 percent of the Blue Collar Comedy outfit. Miss it and you might not be a redneck. — CG

In Memory of Man at the Curtain Club
Curtain Club is turning 18, and just like an 18-year-old the show will be confused, angry and driving their parent's insane. In Memory of Man is running the show, so you'll definitely see them strut their stuff on stage. Included in the lineup is Mad Mexicans who do this rap/rock thing that maybe you never heard in the '90s. In the Happy Hour slot is Right on Red who promise that their intentions are legal. Stareview, Innrcor and Caliber Theory fill out the bill. — RA

School of Rock Dallas End of Season Shows at Three Links (Early Show)
School of Rock, for those who don't know, is a training ground for whipper snappers to learn their chops of the rock 'n' roll variety. The Dallas School of Rock is putting on their end of year shows at Three links, which is probably like their finals or something. If Nikki Sixx has anything to do with School of Rock, which he has visited once before, these kids should come out wailing, torching and dropping the mic like the little rock stars they dream of becoming. Tickets are $10. — RA

Bowlmor Dallas Grand Re-Opening Celebration
Tony Romo is, hopefully, out of his sling and ready to roll — a bowling ball that is. He'll be at the grand re-opening of Bowlmor Dallas. The place is being “reimagined, redesigned, and is now ready to amaze,” according to the Bowlmor Facebook page. There will be giveaways, handshakes with No. 9 and a free game of bowling. You don't even have to pay for shoes for that game either. Not bad at all. — RA

Texas Chainring Massacre in Valley View
The Texas Chainring Massacre is just as scary as it sounds — unless you're an avid road biker. There are three races and one fun ride that range from 50 to 100-plus miles. The races are $50 for registration and winners will be paid out handsomely. The course consists of dirt roads, gravel roads and unpaved roads through a tough but beautiful countryside. There will be an aid station at the 50 mile marker just in case you end up with a a busted wheel or a face full of gravel. The event organizers encourage each rider to carry ample supplies, because you never know if you'll get stranded. The ride starts in Valley View at 9 a.m. — RA

Joe Ely at Kessler Theater
Have you ever seen Dallas from a DC-9 at night? Quintessential Lubbock-based, and founding member of The Flatlanders, Joe Ely raves along at the Kessler. Charley Crockett opens. — Evan Henry

The Black Lillies at The Rustic
Likening the Knoxville, Tennessee outfit to a male-fronted Alison Krauss & Union Station, Rolling Stone called The Black Lillies one of its bands to watch in 2014. Some would say they're still worth knowing. — CG

Blood, Sweat and Tears at Eisemann Center
Literally hundreds of musicians have rolled through Blood, Sweat & Tears over the decades, including current singer and onetime American Idol hopeful Bo Bice. Hey, it's working for Queen and Adam Lambert. — CG

Jon Pardi at House of Blues
Jon Pardi is bringing his oh-so-wonderful voice and virtuoso guitar skills to House of Blues. Once the show is over he'll be “Missin' You Like Crazy” and “Up All Night” counting the money he just made. The Brothers Osborne open. — RA

Saosin at South Side Ballroom
Do you remember Saosin from your emo kid days back in junior high? Were you even aware that they were still a band? They, well, sort of, still are. They've been mostly inactive since singer Cove Reber left the band in 2010. We though last year's swing through town might have been the last we'd see of them but, nope, once again here they are. — Carly Seitz

Chris Holt at AllGood Cafe
Don Henley sideman, Dallas' own Chris Holt, takes some time away from the from that gig to play some tunes from his new solo record — one that features Henley backing him for a change. We doubt the ex-Eagles drummer will be on hand, but the chicken-fried steak alone is worth the trip. — CG

Austere: “EGO” — The Release Party at 2809 Canton St.
On this week's episode of Burning Bridges, I was joined by Eliza Trono, Natasha Brito and Vicky Andres, the founders and editors of Austere Magazine. It's probably the giggliest episode of the podcast to date. Here, this trio of impressive young creatives jumped into the hot seat together for a conversation that touches on everything from their publication's origins and inspirations to their perspective on what it's like to operate an up-and-coming print produce in this increasingly digital era. It's a good time to have this talk, too, with the team currently wrapping work on its ego-themed, 16th issue, the release of which will be celebrated this Saturday in Deep Ellum. (Head here for more info on that event.) — Rodney Blu

Cosign Issue 16 Release Party at Epocha
That other local mag's releasing its latest issue tonight, too. Free booze when you pick up a copy. DJ SO4KIS spins. — CG

Full Moon Bike Ride at Continental Avenue Bridge
This group ride takes place every full moon. It's a werewolf thing. Just, uh, meet up at the Continental Bridge Park at 8 p.m. (earlier if you wanna drink beers in the parking lot) if you wanna join this night ride. And bring a light, duh. — CG

Sunday
Sarah Jaffe at Dan's Silverleaf
Doug Burr opens night two of Jaffe's annual homecoming thing. — CG

Asleep at the Wheel at Kessler Theater
In the span of the band's 40-year-long career, the Ray Benson-led Asleep at the Wheel has recorded 20-plus studio albums, charted more than 20 singles and earned itself nine Grammy's. They currently remain the main driving force keeping alive the style of Texas swing originated by Bob Wills in the '30s. Tonight they'll perform two shows in a theater perfectly befitting the band's storied history. — CG

Christian Death at Trees
Influential '80s deathrockers Christian Death adapt with the times, funding the latest album via an online crowd-funding campaign. That's certainly a sentence that didn't exist 30 years ago. It did afford one superfan the opportunity to have the band perform at their funeral, presuming they kick the bucket before the band does. Mansion, Nervous Curtains and Scary Cherry & the Bang Bangs open. — CG

Mike Gordon at Granada Theater
Phish's bass player brings his fourth solo LP to town, a record that some critics have posited will sound huge when played live. — CG

The Protomen at Gas Monkey Bar N' Grill
Since 2003, The Protomen have been creating concept albums based off of the Mega Man videogames, something that's garnered them a loyal cult following among video game enthusiasts. It actually makes sense that bands would be inspired by the themes in videogames, since they usually deal with struggle, redemption and trying over and over again. Y'know, human stuff. — Chelsea Upton

Sunday School at BrainDead Brewing
Every other Sunday, turn water into beer and beer into pee. Or, um, just come and fill your face with beer and your head with knowledge about beer. It's a win-win. — CG

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.

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