Master Your Craft.

Last week, Guatamala elected Jimmy Morales to be its next president. He's a comedian with zero political experience and no real policy platform, who has oft been called “Guatamala's Stephen Colbert.”

No political experience and no real policy platform, hmm, where have we heard that before? So maybe the idea that America, as a country, is dumb enough to actually elect Donald Trump to be its president isn't that farfetched. Morales was only polling at 1 percent in recent months, as opposed to the commanding lead Trump seems to have over his right-wing adversaries.

Is that our future? Who knows what'll happen a year from now? Not us, though we do have the next seven days mapped out pretty well.

Monday (11.2)
Subhumans at Three Links
All gone dead.

Pretty in Pink at Alamo Drafthouse
He's good. She's good. He's just Duckie.

Tuesday (11.3)
Puscifer at Majestic Theatre
Donkey punch the night.

Bianca Del Rio's Rolodex of Hate Comedy Special at Texas Theatre
The race is on.

Dallas Mavericks vs Toronto Raptors at American Airlines Center
First home game of the season, y'all.

Wednesday (11.4)
The King Khan & BBQ Show at Dada
Bad news boys.

Slow Magic, Giraffage at Trees
So cute.

Bar Politics Gets Polluted at The Rustic
Life's a dirty game.

Thursday (11.5)
Misfits at Gas Monkey Live
Playing Static Age in full.

Tops at Dada
2 shy.

CHVRCHES at The Bomb Factory
Leave a trace.

AWOLNATION at South Side Ballroom
Kill your heroes.

Parquet Courts at Rubber Gloves
The last great New York band.

Dwarves at Three Links
Playing two sets!

BounceDTX at Random Art Gallery
With Cardo, Blue, the Misfit and Justus.

WrestleMania 32 On-Sale Party at AT&T Stadium
Cuz Stone Cold said so.

David Sedaris at Bass Hall
He talk pretty for you.

V for Vendetta at Alamo Drafthouse
Remember, remember the fifth of November.

Friday (11.6)
Jane's Addiction at Gas Monkey Live
Playing Ritual de lo Habitual in full.

Zac Brown Band at Gexa Energy Pavilion
Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

Jack Beats at Red Light Lounge
The ill shit.

Madisen Ward & The Mama Bear at Kessler Theater
Fun for the whole family.

Fort Worth Rock Assembly IV at Lola's
A whole lotta cover sets, all weekend long.

Saturday (11.7)
Lewis Black at Majestic Theatre
In god we rust.

Peaches at Trees
With a book signing at The Wild Detectives beforehand.

Untapped: Dallas at Fair Park
Featuring the Flaming Lips and 400 craft beers.

Cheap Trick at The Bomb Factory
Hello Wisconsin!

Operation Bravo Homebrew Competition at Shannon Brewing
Score!

Yonatan Gat at Texas Theatre
With PVC Street Gant, Orgullo Primitivo.

Daniel Markham & Claire Morales at Fred's
Performing Harmony in Hell in full.

Escape the Fate at Gas Monkey Bar N' Grill
This war is ours.

Francine 13 at City Tavern
With Mercury Rocket, Lily Taylor.

Ye Ol' $50 Show at Bobby on Drums
That's what it is.

Zombie Bike Ride at Pizza Lounge
They're alive.

Sunday (11.8)
Girlpool at Rubber Gloves
Blah blah blah.

Gogol Bordello, Antemasque at The Bomb Factory
Start, um, wearing purple?

AAA Texas 500 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series at Texas Motor Speedway
Jeff Gordon's final Texas race.

Psychedelic Furs at House of Blues
Love their way.

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