Remembering The Lives Of Mr. Ranger, Reindeer Car Costumes, All Sriracha Everything and More.
Each week, dozens of memes, trends and pop culture items die quiet, unceremonious deaths. We'd like to publicly give these dead trends the proper memorials they deserve. Then, we kindly request that we never speak of them again.
Reindeer Car Costumes
Reindeer Car Costumes, 10, crossed the finish line on December 6, 2012. Though she was primarily known for her award-winning and often garish Christmas yard decorations, she didn't stop there. Throughout her lifetime, she accumulated decorations for her home, office and vehicle for every postal holiday — even seemingly unimportant affairs like Columbus Day. Sadly, it was this same obsession that caused her demise. After getting herself tangled in an unruly string of lights, Reindeer Car Costumes eventually succumbed to a lawn decoration avalanche in her storeroom. She was preceded in death by her prankster father Bloody Halloween Trunk Arms, mother Peeing Calvin Window Decals and brothers Truck Nuts, Sports Flags, Spinning Hubcaps and Fake Bullet Holes. Reindeer Car Costumes is survived by her grandfather Longhorn Hood Ornaments, uncles Fuzzy Dice and Mach 5 Paint Jobs, and her aunt Dashboard Hula Girls.
All Sriracha Everything
All Sriracha Everything, born in 1983, went up in smoke on December 8, 2012. Though he was a well-traveled sort, he never could stay away from his beloved pet roosters for very long. As well-liked as he was, All Sriracha Everything was well aware of his tendency to overdo things. All Sriracha Everything was preceded in death by parents All Bacon Everything and All Pumpkin Everything, as well as his children Sriracha Cookbooks, Sriracha Peas, Sriracha Halloween Costumes, Sriracha T-Shirts, Sriracha Tattoos, Sriracha Bloody Mary's, Sriracha Lollipops, Sriracha Condoms, Sriracha Hot Wings, Sriracha Peanut Butter Sandwiches and his cousin Ghost Pepper Fascination.
Born on December 9, 2012, IKEA Monkey was found wandering the Elysian Fields on December 12, 2012. IKEA Monkey spent his early days studying to be an escape artist, but was content to live out his final days spending time being fashionable, albeit on a tight budget. IKEA Monkey was preceded in death by his father Dogs Playing Poker and mother Courage Wolf. He is survived by brothers Panda On A Plane and Waving Bear, as well as a sister, Hipster Kittens. In lieu of meatballs, the family asks, “Have you seen my Monkey?”
Mr. Ranger, 12, got a one-way ticket to the City of Brotherly Shove on December 8, 2012. The all-time Rangers hits leader was a seven time all-star, and also managed to finish No. 1 all time in franchise plate appearances, doubles, triples, runs, at-bats, games played, total bases and extra base hits. Also known as the Face of the Franchise, and occasionally even Michael Young, Mr. Ranger's presence in the clubhouse will most certainly be missed next season. Mr. Ranger was preceded in death by The Rangers' 2012 World Series Hopes, Derek Holland's Mustache and CJ Wilson's Douchy Tweets. He is survived by Adrian Beltre, Elvis “The New Face” Andrus and Ian Kinsler's infielding abilities.
24/7 Christmas Radio Stations
Born in late October, 24/7 Christmas Radio Stations joined the choir invisible on December 11, 2012. Heavily grieved by the loss of close friend Reindeer Car Costumes earlier in the week, 24/7 Christmas Radio Stations finally ran out of holiday spirit. 24/7 Christmas Radio Stations was preceded in death by “The Monster Mash,” “The Chanukkah Song,” Year-Round Christmas Stores and Houses Whose Lights Are Synched To “Gangnam Style.” She is survived by a brother, TBS' 24-Hour Christmas Story Marathon. In lieu of poinsettias, the family asks, “For the love of God, can you please make it stop?!”