Remembering The Lives of Said No One Ever, Honey Boo Boo, Binders Full Of Women and More.
Each week, dozens of memes, trends and pop culture items die quiet, unceremonious deaths. We'd like to publicly give these dead trends the proper memorials they deserve. Then, we kindly request that we never speak of them again.
Said No One Ever
Born January 12, 2012, Said No One Ever died quietly on October 21, 2012. A generally sarcastic and humorous individual, he kept friends in stitches as an endless source of dry, often cynical wit. His final words were, “I am so looking forward to this whole death thing — like for real.” But soon after he passed, it was difficult to tell whether he was being entirely serious. Said No One Ever was preceded in death by his grandparents Sike and …Not! and his parents Just Playin' and Not Really. He is survived by a twin brother, Shit No One Has Ever Said. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you just forget that their loved one ever existed in the first place.
The 2012 State Fair Of Texas
After 24 strong days, The 2012 State Fair Of Texas went up in flames on October 21, 2012. He crammed a lot of living into his extremely short existence, including hosting a Chinese Lantern Festival, the world's tallest Ferris wheel, dozens of pig races and dog shows, a renowned pumpkin carver and the most uniquely gluttonous fried food vendors in the country. But even though he was born with a terminal illness, his untimely end was still something of a surprise. Although his death was officially determined to be of natural causes, there are still some in the family that suspect foul play. The 2012 State Fair Of Texas was preceded in death by The 2012 Texas State Veggie Fair and Big Tex. He is survived by State Fair Brand Frozen Corny Dogs (found in your local grocer's freezer) and Undying Big Tex-Related Conspiracy Theories.
Binders Full Of Women
Binders Full Of Women, born October 16, 2012, slipped from consciousness on October 23, 2012. Because of his three-ring nature, he was a huge fan of all things circus related –especially bearded ladies. As the world has continued to become more and more digitally-oriented, Binders Full Of Women lived out his final days quietly, often overheard mumbling something about the world going paperless. Binders Full Of Women was preceded in death by his grandmother Trapper Keepers, parents Romney's Etch-a-Sketch, Fired Big Bird and uncle Clint Eastwood's Empty Chair. He is survived by his older brother, Paul Ryan Work Out Photos. In lieu of flowers the family asks, “Well, gosh, can't we find some women that are also qualified?”
Honey Boo Boo
Honey Boo Boo, 7, went belly up on October 19, 2012. Despite her relatively short life, she still managed to become redneck-ognized worldwide during her time with us. Late in life, she fell on hard times and was often promising strangers on the street that she would holla if they would give her a dolla. In the end, there just wasn't enough Go Go Juice on earth to keep her going. Honey Boo Boo was preceded in death by her parents Joe Dirt and Honey Badger Don't Give a Shit. She is survived by a grandmother, Toddlers In Tiaras, and a pig, Glitzy.
Things That Aren't Buns As Buns
Things That Aren't Buns As Buns became worm food on October 20, 2012, after suffering a massive heart attack. She was an exceptionally creative individual — almost to a fault. Still, it never stifled her endless creativity, especially in the kitchen where she thrived. Things That Aren't Buns As Buns held many positions in its work life, including stints as the KFC Double Down, Jack In The Box's Waffle Sandwich, Krispy Kreme Donut Burgers, McDonald's McGriddles, Hamburgers With Grilled Cheese Sandwiches As The Buns and the Jumbaco. She is survived by a copy of The Original Buns Of Steel on VHS.