Miss You Already, Derek Holland's Mustache.
Dear Derek Holland's Mustache,
And just because the guy whose face you sat upon wanted to give you “a little bit of a vacation” or some bullshit like that.
A forced vacation? Huh? What the hell is that?
Not cool, that's what.
It's only been a day since you left, and we already miss you pretty freakin' hard. We imagine Mr. Holland does, too. Dude gave up eight runs in the first two innings of last night's game — his first after bidding you adieu.
To be fair, D-Rock hasn't had the best of goes at things this year. In the short portion of the baseball season completed thus far, his .500 record and a 5.11 ERA is far from anything we'd call an opus — and a far cry, too, from the 16-5 mark he posted last year with a 3.95 ERA. Meanwhile, that's saying nothing of the incredible performances you helped him offer up in the 2011 post-season.
Listen: We know Holland's early-season struggles this year haven't been your fault. If anything, you might've been the one thing keeping him from completely collapsing altogether. Granted, it's a small sample size we're looking at thus far, but his numbers with you this year are way better than his numbers without you.
Point is, we just want to make sure you're not mad at us. You know we had nothing to do with Holland's decision to shave you off, right? Hope you do, man. Because, even though you weren't the thickest or manliest or best-groomed mustache we've ever seen, you were always OK in our books.
Better than that, actually. Having you around was kind of a must in our eyes. Seriously. You can't even spell “Derek Holland's Mustache” without the word “must.”
That's a fact, actually. Look it up.
Long story short: We just hope you're not gone for good, and we hope we see you again sooner rather than later.
It's just that you've always been pretty cool to us, y'know? And we've always appreciated that.
The Central Track Staff