Thanks For Making Me Feel Better About Being Drunk, Lakewood Whole Foods Bar!
Dear Lakewood Whole Foods Bar,
You have single-handedly solved all of my problems. Thus, you are a lifesaver.
Until recently, I never knew that you could purchase a bottle of wine inside of your grocery store confines, walk to the back of the space (near the cheeses), pull up a sturdy seat and just straight open that baby up, no problem, to guzzle it down.
You're a godsend, really. Sitting at your waist-high bar, I can drink as much of my bottle as I wish — all while being served the most amazing cheese, chocolate and cracker “samples” anyone's going to find in this town this side of the Central Expressway.
Oh, and you serve beer, too? Ain't you a peach.
But here is why I have fallen so madly in love with you, my dear sweet Lakewood Whole Foods Bar, which is also known as Lakewood On Tap: You've turned Whole Foods into something like a Walmart megastore, but not.
Thanks to you, I can purchase face wash, pita chips, vitamins and local organic non-pesticide apples, all while feeling a little tipsy. Thanks to you, I can no longer pretend to just be shopping when all I want to do is flirt with the clientele at your wonderful, possibly overpriced, store. Thanks to you, I can feel productive even when I am clearly not getting anything done on my to-do list.
My hips thank your salad bar, sure. But my liver also thanks the fact that you shout out “Last call!” at 9:15 p.m., helping me feel like I'm drinking “responsibly,” even if, well, I'm not doing that at all.
You know what else is cool? When I was at your bar the other night, four out of your five patrons were in workout clothes. I was one of those four people. Normally, I feel gross when I pull up to a bar in my workout clothes. But you made me feel special, like one of the gang.
You've made me responsibly irresponsible, Lakewood Whole Foods Bar.
Let's hang out more often, yeah? Maybe Thursday nights? Also, I'll stop by on Sunday afternoons, too. And then maybe on Tuesday evenings. Just to check in, y'know?