There's Not A Lot To Like About You, Tim Conatser.
Dear Tim Conatser,
How are you feeling right about now? Remorseful, we hope, although we wonder if that's an emotion you're even capable of.
Sure, even though Union Valley Fire Chief Edward Ragsdale — y'know, the guy that canned your ass earlier this week from a position you volunteered for — told KTVT this week that you recognize what you did was wrong, we remain unconvinced.
I mean, it's one thing to cold-heartedly gun down two of your neighbor's dogs. Whipping out a camera afterwards to snap a few pics of their still bleeding corpses, like you did? That's some next level evil right there. Only, well, it's what you did next that's the worst — and the type of stomach-turning stuff that nightmares are made of. Instead of telling your neighbor you just murdered his pets, you proudly posted pics of the crime scene to your now-deleted Facebook page, simultaneously beating your chest and warning any other would be wildlife that wants to come over and start up a misguided game of fetch with a caption that read, “Somebody didn't put any truth my warning. Keep your damn dogs on your property.”
Holy fuck, man! That's some coldblooded shit right there!
Seriously: Entire horror franchises have been based on less-frightening premises. In any case, remind us not to piss you off.
But also? What the fuck is wrong with you?
One of your buddies told some news outlets that you were upset because the dogs — a pair of labs, it should be said — were getting into your barn and messing with one of your calves. “Keep 'em at home, put 'em on a leash, build a fence, do something,” he says you told their owner — a claim that guy refutes, by the way. But, really? That's your excuse?
You live in Hunt County, for Chrissakes, a town that's so quaint that the City Council meets in the same volunteer fire station that once employed you and where there is no law requiring owners to keep pets confined.
Beyond that, let's pretend for a second that labs weren't widely considered to be among the friendliest, least-threatening breeds of dogs. Even if these two purportedly viscous monsters were threatening your livestock on the daily, the fact that you were too lazy to build a fence or maybe just shut your barn door isn't really enough to justify the killing. To us, it sounds more like you were just being a whiny little dick.
Think of all the other local dogs that have done so much worse and have gotten off scot-free. The worst of the lot just might be a sonofabitch boxer named Wrigley that was pretty much single-pawdedly responsible for causing one of the worst Texas Rangers seasons in franchise history. You know what happened to him? He was pretty much immediately forgiven.
Then there are cases like the #adorbola little King Cav named Bentley that many folks feared was going to kill us all with his Ebola germs. As much Ebola hysteria as there was at the time, even ol' Bentley staved off execution. Hell, we spent $27,000 keeping that bundle of sweetness alive.
The point is that most people wouldn't have done what you did — like, no people, actually. The idea to post pictures of dead animal pics to Facebook never would've occurred to most people, either. Because, unlike you, most people aren't irredeemable monsters. Somewhere in your warped brain, did you think that your now-former Facebook friends were going shower that creepshow with “likes” and supportive comments? You must've, right?
That's really twisted, dude.
Fortunately, that's not what they did at all. Rather, one of your ex-pals screenshot-ed the thing and shared it. From there, a few hundred thousand other Facebookers shared it, too — not because they thought what you did was cool, mind you, but because we were all so mind-fucked that we actually live on the same planet as so deplorable a sack of shit as you. Hence why we've heard you've been getting death threats from people as far away as England, Canada, Portugal and elsewhere.
Still, those are only threats. To date, nobody has, say, blasted you in the skull and posted a retro-filtered photo of your rotting corpse to their social media feeds. We reckon that's because the only person fucked in the head enough to do that is, well, you.
In conclusion, you're the fucking worst.
Cory Graves and the rest of the Central Track staff.