Uptown Funk.

The Uptown Neighborhood Association Is Trying To Force Uptown Bars To Close At Midnight.

The Uptown Neighborhood Association — TUNA, for short, so you know they’re very serious — is absolutely, utterly and completely fed up with a congestion of bros and barbies constantly making a ruckus in the wee hours of the Uptown Dallas morning.

So, tonight, the neighborhood association will meet with Dallas City Council member Philip Kingston at the La Tour Condos on McKinney Avenue in the hopes of drawing up a plan that would require bars of Uptown — an area known for its nightlife, its walkability and its nostalgic approach at accepting black people — to close at midnight or to obtain a special use permit that would allow them to stay open until the citywide standard of 2 a.m.

As the Dallas Morning News has already pointed out, TUNA looks like it’s trying to mirror the specific use permit ordinance that went down along Lower Greenville a few years ago and effectively turned it into a yuppie paradise. Thing is, as was the case with the residents along Greenville Avenue back then, didn’t everyone involved in TUNA know what they were getting into when they moved into Uptown in the first place? It’s been the party home to Dallas’ spoiled and aspirationally spoiled alike for years and years — well, at night, at least. It was even a known red light district back in the 1880s.

Could this meeting spark the fire that finally kills this long-standing Uptown legacy? Will the young Dallas bro wearing a button down shirt with a dragon on it lose his nighttime stomping grounds? It’s a definite maybe.

That in mind, let’s turn to senior Central Track Uptown correspondent Ivan Drago for his thoughts on the matter.