Open Wide.

Are you dreading spending all day with your extended family this Thanksgiving? Worse yet, are you in charge of cooking for untold hours to feed a small army? Are both you and your partner's parents divorced leading to the super stressful scenario of having to hit four “dinners” in one day, all the while making sure to eat just enough so as not to appear rude while also not dying of gluttony?

Yeah, that's rough. Here's a few Thanksgiving-related laughs to maybe help you feel marginally better about what lays ahead.

Better yet, why not compensate by packing in more fun than usual this weekend? — Cory Graves

Friday
GZA at Trees
This month marks the 20th anniversary of GZA's sophomore album Liquid Swords. Genius as it is, it took until this past September for the record to finally sell its millionth copy, making it the first Platinum certified Wu-Tang-affiliated record in more than a decade. The Clan's spiritual head, not only comes armed with the second largest vocabulary in rap history, but with a new solo record, too. Buffalo Black and The Bodega Brovas open. — CG

J.D. McPherson at Granada Theater
While McPherson's roots lay in the same Talihina, Oklahoma area that also gave us Kings of Leon, the two acts couldn't be any more different. Not only is he not a raging douchelick, McPherson's retro revivalist catalog leans more in the Buddy Holly direction. Parker Millsap opens. — CG

Metric at The Bomb Factory
At this point, you know what Emily Haines, James Shaw and the rest of the Metric crew are going to give you, strong, melodic indie rock not unlike the stuff offered up by their fellow Toronto-sprung contemporaries in Broken Social Scene, Stars and The Dears. Sarah Jaffe and Hibou open. — CG

Tommy Emmanuel at Majestic Theatre
Emmanuel was inspired to pick up the guitar after hearing his first Chet Atkins record at age seven. These days, though, it might be fair to say he's even passed his old hero in terms of technical skill — and that's certainly no knock on Atkins. The noted finger-picker is not just the best guitarist to ever come out of Australia; he's one of the best acoustic players in the world right now. — CG

Anime North Texas at Hilton Fort Worth
Here, fans of anime will get together and ogle disproportionate drawings of the human form (it bugs me, sorry). For the next few days, fans of giant heads and eyeballs can gather to look at the people who draw the giant heads and eyeballs, and maybe get that person to sign a picture of a giant eyeball. — Chelsea Upton

Annie Lederman at Hyena's (Dallas)
You might have seen comedian Annie Lederman on MTV's The Girl Code, or as a guest on shows like @midnight, World's Funniest and Chelsea Lately. Either way, you'll certainly be seeing a lot more of her moving forward as, back in September, E! gave her and co-host Julian McCullough their own pop culture-skewering comedy show We Have Issues, which runs on Friday nights right after The Soup. She's in town all weekend performing stand-up. — CG

Altercation Punk Comedy Tour at Rubber Gloves
Altercation Magazine/Records head JT Habersaat initially launched the Altercation Punk Rock Comedy Tour as an attempt to “marry underground stand-up with the get-in-the-van ethos of Black Flag.” Fresh off stops at Fun Fun Fun Fest and the Elm Street Music & Tattoo Festival, Habersaat hits Denton this weekend, with Lisa Friedrich and Riverboat Gamblers frontman Mike Wiebe. — CG

Ari Shaffir at Addison Improv
Shaffir is, perhaps, best known for his Comedy Central series This is Not Happening, which is fairly similar to Dallas' live Oral Fixation storytelling series, but strictly for fellow comedians. It's pretty hillarious. He recently got in a bit of hot water when he talked a bunch of shit/body shamed a fellow comedian, who he mentioned by name. Of course, he's kind of always lived on the edge. I mean, the first time he popped up on our radar was for a web series called The Amazing Racist that he created, so… Anyway, he'll be here all weekend. — CG

David Cook at Kessler Theater
Native Texan, David Cook, rose to fame after winning Season 7 of American Idol, a high he rode for a couple albums before being dropped by RCA a few years ago and throttled down his public appearances. He's since been picked by Idol-exec Simon Fuller's label, and released a new album in September. Andrew Tripp opens. — Lauren Rushing

SoMo at South Side Ballroom
The Dennison native, who got his start posting cover versions of popular songs to his YouTube page while living in Denton, has since moved on to bigger and better things, releasing a pair of highly charting solo records and, now, headlining one of the larger rooms in town with Kirko Bangz opening. — CG

The Great American Canyon Band, Reed Turner, Denim Wonder (Album Release) at Double Wide
Most musicians that do the whole playing-in-bands thing long enough eventually find themselves at the crossroads of trying to balance long-term relationships, full-time jobs and raising kids — y'know, adult stuff — with the young man's game of pursuing their rock 'n' roll dreams. For Daniel Hopkins, this happened about five years ago, when it started becoming apparent that his longtime project, Radiant, had gone about as far as it was going to. Then came a son — and then a second and third son in the years that followed. Between his straight job and raising three boys under the age of five, Hopkins kind of resigned himself to the fact that the music thing was a chapter in his life that had closed. Well, except for those few quiet moments in the day — usually the ones when he was in the shower, he says — when little sonic ideas would form in his mind. It wasn't long until the realization that he was never going to have an outlet for any of these song nuggets unless he just buckled down and made it happen for himself came. From there, he cashed in some vacation time and booked some time with Matt Pence at the Echo Lab to flesh out the song snippets that had been piling up on him the last few years. The result is Carnation, his debut solo LP under his previously anonymous Denim Wonder moniker, the release of which is being celebrated at this show. — CG

Color TV (Album Release) at Three Links
Here's a deal for you, for $7, you not only get to catch a set from promising new local rock outfit Color TV (more on them later today), but you'll get to walk away with a complimentary copy of its brand new album, too. Sets from Rise & Shine and Natural Anthem are an added bonus. — CG

“As BIG As TEXAS” Jewelry Launch Party at Brass Tacks Barbershop (Free)
It's party time at Oak Cliff's coolest barber shop again. This time the occasion celebrates the release of a new line of men's turquoise jewelry crafted by Molly Sharp, with help from local bands Crypt Trip, Creepeth and Orcanaut and free booze for those that donate a little bread to the performers. — CG

Blue Velvet at Texas Theatre
What kind of beer to you like? Heineken? Fuck that shit. Pabst Blue Ribbon will be on special at the bar during this screening, in honor of one of this '86 masterpiece's most famous scenes. But maybe we're burying the lead here. Isabella Rossellini herself will be there to intro the screening and talk about how the film launched her career. — CG

Bart Crow at Billy Bob's
With the release of September's Dandelion — an LP that was produced by Pat Green and features several members of his band — Texas country's “nice guy” is poised for a big breatkthrough, even if just in his home state. The album's lead single hit No. 15 on the Texas charts, meaning he's pretty big in the state that he plays some 150 shows a year in. Makes sense. — CG

The Front Bottoms at Gas Monkey Bar N' Grill
The pop-punk sphere lives on well past crowded Warped Tour events and the pseudo-angsty ambience that pumps out of Hot Topic. Somewhere buried underneath all the aesthetics lives a thriving music scene filled with witty lyrics and eclectic sounds that attracts the “all ages” crowd. To those who fear the type of emo-tinged revival his vaginally-named lot represents we urge you to at least rejoice in the inevitably short lines at the bar that almost always happen at shows like these. — Porttia Portis

Quintron & Miss Pussycat at Fred's Café (Free)
This husband-and-wife musical and puppeteering team straight out of New Orleans brings its eclectic type of entertainment — known as “swamp tech” — to Funky Town tonight. Fun fact: Quintron is known for inventing the crazy machines he uses in his performances, such as the “spit machine” and the “disco light machine.” Fungi Girls and Fogg open. — EL

Gwar at Gas Monkey Live
Last year, Gwar found itself facing a hard decision as how to best replace founding member Dave Brockie after he passed away due to a heroin overdose. In what's being called the comedy shock-rockers' most shocking movie yet, the band introduced a new character into its realm named Vulvatron, the most prominently featured female member of Gwar in the band's 30-year history. Sticking with its long-established lore, the character apparently shoots fake blood out of her giant prosthetic breasts during the band's performances. Because why wouldn't she? — CG

Keys N Krates at Lizard Lounge
Unlike most other EDM acts, Canadian trio Keys N Krates recreates its tunes completely live, using drums, keys and live-triggered samples. Erykah Badu mixtape producer Zach Witness also performs, as does Johnny Funk. — CG

Late Night at the Dallas Museum of Art (Free)
Come celebrate the opening of the DMA's new Jackson Pollock exhibit with cocktails, painting robots, live jazz and a screening of Ed Harris' Pollock. — CG

Saturday
Bone Thugs-N-Harmony at The Bomb Factory
This weekend marks one year since 94.5-FM flipped to its classic hip-hop format. This anniversary celebration, of sorts, features a whole slew of old school heavy hitters, from headliners Bone Thugs-N-Harmony to Cypress Hill's B-Real, Bun B, Scarface, Z-Ro, Slim Thug, DJ Sid Wilson (of Slipknot) and more. — CG

Double Wide's 12 year Anniversary Party w/ The Octopus Project
I don't know that I can properly express my affection for the Double Wide in this space. I'm not sure I can properly express it anywhere, really. Truth is, I'm just a total sucker for all things Double Wide-related. Pretty much everyone knows this about me, too. It's easily my favorite spot in town. And I really have no issue with saying as much — even though I constantly catch flack for it. It's become a running bit among friends of mine: If I'm out, I'm probably ending up at the Double Wide. And, honestly, I might be offended by that joke if it weren't essentially the complete truth. I can't help myself; the place just has a pull on me. I love everything about it: the friendly bar staff, the gritty aesthetic, tongue-in-cheek marketing, the weekly DJ and karaoke nights, the shows in the venue — it's all great. Tonight they'll rope off the perimeter for another of their favorite parking lot parties, while Austin indietronica wizards play a set. — Pete Freedman

CF Concert Series at Gas Monkey Live
Just like every year about this time the CF Concert Series brings headliner Rhett Miller and host Gordon Keith of 1310-AM The Ticket together for a Cystic Fibrosis benefit. This year, Evan Felker of Turnpike Troubadours, Erik Chandler of Bowling for Soup and Dallas folk duo The O's also join in on the fun. — CG

Festicle at BrainDead Brewing
BrainDead Brewing has teamed up with the Big Texas Beer Fest for its first annual BrainDead Festicle. The outdoor event showcases more than 30 breweries, and first access to BrainDead's bottle release for its Red Wine Barrel Wiere Gardes and Bourbon Barrel Hammer of the Gods. The event takes place on Saturday, November 21, from 2 to 6 p.m, with tickets still available. — PP

Pumpkin Spice 15K at Panther Island Pavilion
Celebrate PSL season and get a little preemptive Thanksgiving workout in at this new race with 5, 10 and 15K options. — CG

Don Williams at Arlington Music Hall
The 76-year-old Country Music Hall of Famer will use his silky bass pipes to sing selections from his catalog that includes 17 No. 1 country hits. — CG

Cranksgiving at Main Street Garden Park
Equal parts scavenger hunt, charity event and bike ride, participants in this nationwide tradition will pedal from store to store, collecting items to take to the StewPot in Downtown Dallas. — CG

Cowtown Cranksgiving! at Trinity Bicycles
See above. But this one benefits the Tarrant Area Food Bank. — CG

Last Comic Standing at Verizon Theatre
The Top 5 contestants from this summer's eighth season of NBC's Last Comic Standing, including winner Clayton English, perform stand-up sets live in person. — CG

Leslie Jordan at Majestic Theatre
Small-statured veteran character actor Leslie Jordan (Lois & Clark, Boston Legal, about a million other things) brings another of his humorous one-man shows to Dallas. — CG

Festibowl at Hinkle Soccer/Rugby Field
More than just a charity flag football game between the 35 Denton and Oaktopia crews, this one feature's some pre-gaming (both senses of the term) at Lucky Lou's at noon. From there, buses take you to the game, and The Single Issues perform a halftime show. Then it's back on the busses for the post-game bar crawl. Monies raised throughout the day benefit a new music scholarship the Friends with Benefits folks are starting up. — CG

Coone at Lizard Lounge
Hardstyle Belgian techno DJ, Coone, brings all his Blur and Dimitri Vegas remixes to Deep Ellum. Cache Money and Johnny Funk will be there, too. — CG

A Clockwork Orange + Concert at Texas Theatre
Stanley Kubrick's script for 1971's A Clockwork Orange was based on the American version of Anthony Burgess' 1962 dystopian novel A Clockwork Orange. It's an important distinction, as the original British version of the book features a much happier, more redemptive ending than that depicted in the film. To make up for the not-so-happy ending, this screening will wrap up with live sets from George Quartz, Seres and Black Taffy behind the screen. — CG

The Bake Sale at Urban Goods
Good things come to those who wait. Drop by this pop-up bake sale and pre-order some Thanksgiving treats to pick up Wednesday and Thursday. You won't have to show up to your family's Thanksgiving get-together emptyhanded — or tell them you didn't bake it yourself, if you don't want to. — CG

“Mysterious Muck” at Circuit 12 Contemporary
This group show — which features new works from Nick van Woert, Evan Gruzis, Matthew Craven, Ryan Travis Christian, Mathew Zefeldt, Nina Chanel Abney, Susy Oliveira, Taylor Baldwin, Tilman Hornig, Langdon Graves and Jennifer Nehrbass — “combine seemingly unrelated imagery, materials, environments (virtual or physical), and abstract forms to illuminate the loss of context in the internet-age.” — CG

Cedars Open Studios 2015
If you've ever been mega-curious about what goes on inside an art studio, today is your lucky day! The artists on the Cedars are opening their doors, so you can finally satisfy your curiosity. — CU

The Closing of “African Amedia” at African American Museum of Dallas
African Amedia is a satirical art exhibition created by Adu that includes paintings, photography, video pieces and other art installations that showcase the stereotypical fashion that African Americans are portrayed in the media. If you've yet to check it out, just know that this is your last chance. — CG

Etsy Dallas Jingle Bash at South Side Music Hall
Since '07, the organization Etsy Dallas has been organizing independently run art and handmade craft shows in the area, encouraged and supported local crafters as well as the handmade movement as a whole. A full bar, live music and an overall hipper vibe ensure it won't be just another typical quote-unquote craft show. — CG

Amaranthe at Gas Monkey Bar N' Grill
Swedish metal outfit Amaranthe descends upon Dallas with its three-headed attack. Butcher Babies and Lullwater open. — CG

Peter Case at Magnolia Motor Lounge
Case has had a long history of songwriting and music-making, most notably with '70s power-pop trio The Nerves. Case has often said he doesn't like to pigeonhole any of the music he listens to into any one genre. It's a courtesy we'll extend to Case, himself, too. While his music is a tad hard to define, it's certainly not hard to forget. He was ahead of his time in the '70s and now that it's 2015 –well, he's ahead again. — Jordyn Walters

STS9 at House of Blues
Sound Tribe Sector Nine is easily the best jamtronica band out there whose name sounds like a place where the government might keep aliens for experiments and stuff. — Trace McCaslin

Rockin' Lloyd Tripp at Fred's Café (Free)
Born in the U.K., where he palled around and played with Morrissey and Shan MacGowan, rockabilly musician has lived in our neck of the woods for nearly 30 years. This ain't your average burger joint singer-songwriter thing. — CG

City Tavern Chili Cook-Off
Unlike most other chili cook-offs, bragging rights and a little prize money won't be the only things up for grabs. If previous years' form holds true, the winner of the Downtown bar's fifth annual chili cook-off will have the honor of having their award-winning recipe on City Tavern's menu for the next year. All that meaty goodness should pair well with live tunage from the likes of Madison King, Greg Schroeder and others. — CG

Sunday
The Ghosty Awards at The Underpass (Free)
In a couple weeks, the Dallas Observer will hold its 27th annual local music awards ceremony at The Bomb Factory. But is that enough glad-handing, inward-gazing and back-patting for one scene? One local entity says no. That'd be local, independent music blog The Ghost of Blind Lemon, which throws its first such ceremony this Sunday. Rahim Quazi, monkeysphere, Skaduf, Meia and Camille Schuh will play live sets, too. — CG

Raw Dallas: Uprising at Gas Monkey Live
Building from their exploration of creativity, RAW Dallas offers a glimpse of the area's future with other 40-plus local artists making waves in the metro. From advances in communication, to visual art, RAW has access to it all. You too can have access to such for $15 to $20 a pop. Gather and organize your friends and explore. — Evan Henry

The Ataris at Gas Monkey Bar N' Grill
That shitty pop-punk band that rose to some semblance of fame on the back of its cover of Don Henley's “Boys of Summer” is back. More importantly, Dallas indie rockers Red Like Heat will be using this show to celebrate the release of its new album. Denton's ever-kickass The Birds of Night opens. — CG

Phil Vassar at Kessler Theater
Singer/songwriter Phil Vassar's country tunes will take you to a whole other world — or better yet make you realize you're deep in the heart of Texas. You're probably even more familiar with hit songs he's written for the likes of Alan Jackson, Jo Dee Messina and Tim McGraw than the ones he's saved for himself. With his recently released “Love is Alive” single, though, he's bound to take your country heart just the same. Madison King opens. — Ashley Gongora

Ramblin' Jack Elliot at The Live Oak
There's no arguing that the 81-year-old Elliott is a bona fide folk legend. In his time, he's toured with Bob Dylan, became friends with Johnny Cash and taught Arlo Guthrie to sing like his dad. Meanwhile, did you even remember to eat breakfast this morning? One thing you won't forget after this show is where the long-winded storyteller got his “Ramblin'” nickname from. — Stephen Young

Stone Foxes at Magnolia Motor Lounge
Perhaps you heard San Francisco rock outfit's “King Bee” single in all those Jack Daniel's Tennessee Honey commercials a few years back. Now see them in person, presumably while drinking real live whiskey. Honey flavoring optional. — CG

Cover photo by Evan Henry. To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.

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