Thank God For This Here Life of Sin.
Just like when we first heard that Doritos and Taco Bell were teaming up to make the nacho cheese-flavored Doritos Locos Taco — and then again when they took things a step further with their Doritos Locos Taco-flavored Doritos chips (yes, that's a real thing) — we again find ourselves questioning aloud veracity of the chip-maker's latest pairing.
According to sources on the internet, Doritos and Mountain Dew are apparently teaming up to produce a liquid abomination called Dewitos. The drink is already testing well among the demographic of folks that love chugging liquid cheese straight from the jar, but are too embarrassed to do so in front of other humans.
Hopefully when it comes to planning your future moves, though, you do a much better job of it than, say, the higher-ups at Pepsi Co. Just to be safe, we've laid out something of a road map to help in that regard.
Pallbearer at Three Links
Carry that weight.
Atmosphere at House of Blues
The best day.
Thee Oh Sees at Hailey's Club
San Fermin at Dada
Chili Confrontation at Four Corners Brewing Co.
Dallas Mavericks vs Miami Heat at American Airlines Center
Beat the heat.
The Pizza Underground, Har Mar Superstar at Trees
Don't make me hit you.
Justin Townes Earle at Gas Monkey Bar N' Grill
Look the other way.
Wiz Khalifa's Blacc Hollywood Big Secret Tour at House of Blues
They dem boyz.
Turbo Fruits at Lola's
Get up, get on down tonight.
David Sedaris at Winspear Opera House
He'll talk pretty for you.
Daley at Trees
What Ever Happened to Baby Janeat The Magnolia
Too late to call for help
Merle Haggard at Bass Performance Hall
Just stay here and drink.
The Whigs at Dada
Clerks at Sundown
You're supposed to be here today.
The Cyanide and Happiness Show Premiere at Alamo Drafthouse
Candlelight Walk on Henderson
It's beginning to look a lot like the holidays.
Oral Fixation: “Train Wreck” at Texas Theatre
The encore presentation.
We Were Promised Jetpacks at Trees
There's safety in numbers.
The Second City at Dallas City Performance Hall
The 55th anniversary tour.
Patty Griffin, Mavis Staples at Majestic Theatre
Go wherever you wanna go.
Brew Haha Comedy Tour at Deep Ellum Brewing Co.
Laugh 'til Dallas Blonde comes out of your nose.
Dallas Fetish Ball Opening Party at Red Light Lounge
Have a ball.
Galactic at Granada Theater
With Big Freedia.
Fort Worth Rock Assembly III at Lola's
They've got it covered.
Foxy Shazam at Trees
Welcome to the church of rock and roll.
Dennis Miller, David Spade at Winstar Casino
That's nucking futs.
Wanda Sykes at Majestic Theatre
Laugh your butt off.
A Vegan Holiday Dinner at Whole Foods Addison
Not so meaty.
Friday on the Green at Magnolia Green Park
With The Unlikely Candidates, Son of Stan, War Party.
Sturgill Simpson at Dada
Just let go.
ArtCon X at 500 Singleton Blvd.
Get your street-level art philanthropy on.
Dallas Whiskey and Fine Spirits Festival at Fair Park
Get in the spirit.
Deep Ellum Outdoor Market at 2636 Main Street
Early Christmas shopping, anyone?
Punks Alive Tour at Three Links
With Sniper 66, Potato Pirates, The Scandals, The Bad Engrish, Violent Affair.
Sam Lao, Tunk at Texas Theatre
They got the juice.