Strip Down.

Ever since Beyonce dropped her semi-surprise visual album on Saturday, the Beyhive has spent countless hours trying to figure out who this damn “Becky with the good hair” mentioned in one of the songs is. Thus far, they’ve narrowed it down to a handful of leading candidates, though it’s entirely possible the song/album isn’t even autobiographical — or at least not intended to be taken so literally.

The one thing we do know for certain is that everyone’s been wasting entirely too much time on Becky Sidepiece, and it needs to stop. There are just so very many better things you could be doing with that time. Here are but a few. — Cory Graves

Peter Murphy “Stripped” at Kessler Theater (Sold Out)
Peter Murphy is now 58-years-old. Thirty years ago he was the frontman of one of the best bands of the ’80s, Bauhaus. The band revolutionized the post-punk scene and gave way to other Gothic and industrial musicians like Nine Inch Nails, Cocteau Twins and, most recently, Zola Jesus. Well, Murphy is gracing us with his presence at the Kessler Theater in a “stripped” down quasi-acoustic set. The show is already sold out, so hopefully you’re one of the lucky ones. But, hey, there’s always a dark night by yourself under candlelight listening to “Terror Couple Kill Colonel.” — Roberto Aguilar

David Sedaris at Winspear Opera House
David Sedaris is one of the funniest people of all time. He’s not a comedian or an actor per se, but he is an enormously talented writer and speaker. He’s also the brother of the kooky Amy Sedaris (Strangers With Candy), which explains a lot. Some of his best books include Me Talk Pretty One Day, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim and Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk. If you’re not a fan of reading, that’s alright because Sedaris’ books are best listened to. After all, he is the narrator of his stories and listening to him read them makes it all the better. No telling what he has in store for this event, but be prepared to run the gamut of emotions. — RA

AirSex World Championships at Three Links
What exactly are the AirSex World Championships? It’s pretty self-explanatory. Whoever can fuck the air in front of them the best wins. A variety of people of all genders, races, colors and creeds will perform in front of judges to demonstrate various positions and methods of fake fucking in order to take home first place. Frankly, if this doesn’t sound interesting as fuck I don’t even wanna know you. — Paul Wedding

Cypress Hill at House of Blues
Cypress Hill is a ’90s rap group most famous for the hit single “Insane in the Brain.” The weed-loving emcees are almost a parody of themselves these days, smoking seven-foot bongs during their shows and whatnot. — PW

My Own Private Idaho at Alamo Drafthouse (Dallas)
In what looks like an emotional yet witty film, Gus Van Sant’s 1991 adaptation of Shakespeare’s Henry IV, My Own Private Idaho is one of his strongest films to date. In those early years, production budgets were low, but that didn’t stop River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves–mostly Phoenix–from delivering top-notch acting. The story follows two young men’s journey from Idaho to Italy to find their roots and themselves along the way. After Phoenix won the 1991 Volpi Cup Best Actor Award he was quoted as saying,”I don’t want more awards. Venice is the most progressive festival. Anything else would be a token.” — RA

Communion Dallas at Dada
Communion Dallas is a show being put on by the Communion record label. Headlining the show is Jakubi, a Melbourne-based R&B band with a killer, laid back sound. Their songs are infectiously chill and every single member of the band kills it. My Jerusalem is an Austin-based band describing themselves as “Post Coital Gothic Revivalism.” They’re really just an alt-rock band, but they’re also pretty good. They’ve got kind of a grimy tone to their sound and the singer can fucking belt. Opening are two solid local acts, NEONNOAH and Larry g(EE). — PW

Pegasus Reading Series Presents: Edwards, Leverone, Rock, and Chris Garver at Kettle Art
The Pegasus Reading Series features writers from across the country reading from various selected works. This time around it features three different poets currently working on doctorates from various universities. Trista Edwards, a doctoral fellow at nearby UNT, reads from her latest collection of poems, Till The Tide. Apparently there aren’t enough mermaid poems out there. Also speaking are Julia Leverone and Martin Rock. — PW

Enter Shikari at Gas Monkey Bar N’ Grill
British “electronicore” outfit Enter Shikari is a band I probably would have really enjoyed in middle school. Their buddies Hands Like Houses open. — PW

The English Beat at Granada Theater
Ska heroes The English Beat will be ripping up Bob Marley posters performing tonight at the Granada. Bet you they play “Mirror in the Bathroom.” — Trace McCaslin

Iron Fork at Fair Park
Iron Fork is basically like the Food Network’s Iron Chef. Jermaine Brown of Julia Pearl Southern Cuisine and Oliver Sitrin of Blind Butcher go head to head in this challenge to see who can make the best food from the chosen ingredients. Attendees will get to taste the chef’s concoctions, as well as food from local restaurants and beer, wine and cocktail sampling. — PW

Dollar Hot Dog Night at Globe Life Park
Hot dogs are pretty much the staple food of baseball games, and at only a dollar, it’s probably nine dollars cheaper than any other food or drink item at Globe Life Park. In other news, the Rangers play the Yankees tonight. — PW

Prong at Trees
Prong is a heavy metal band from the ’80s that doesn’t really give a shit if you like them or not. They play hard, fast and dirty music without much cheer in sight. It’s fighting music, it’s pissed off music, and in that it excels. Rivethead opens. — PW

Blog Haus Revival Party at Beauty Bar
Earlier this month, a nostalgia-heavy piece about onetime blog house queen Uffie’s new album from the solid-again folks at MTV News went viral among once-were-scenesters of a certain age. Rightfully so? Maybe? Or is it just nostalgia? All of the above? I dunno. I just miss the Fallout Lounge era sometimes, man. Tonight, however, DJs Blake Ward, Redsean and Tony Phantom will be reviving those times over at Beauty Bar with a whole night of songs exclusively from that era. Iron your bangs and practice pouting beforehand. — Pete Freedman

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