Chase Boys With Ingrid Michaelson.

Earlier this week, Andre “Christ Bearer” Johnson (read: the Wu-Tang-affiliated rapper that cut off his own junk and jumped off a balcony a few weeks back) explained to the media the reasons he committed said act.

The long and short of it involves smoking pot and reading books about monks and vasectomies.

Best to avoid combining those activities from here on out — y'know, just to be safe. Here are a few, much safer, alternatives.

Ingrid Michaelson at House of Blues
To this day, Michaelson still manages to hang on to her “DIY Diva” nickname, and while that tag was a fitting one several years ago when the Staten Island native's self-released, piano-driven pop tunes were scoring major placements in episodes of Grey's Anatomy and in commercials for Old Navy, she's since been embraced by mainstream audiences. Her sixth studio effort, this year's Lights Out, even employed the use of a half-dozen different producers. To her fans, though, she's still the self-sufficient indie-pop musician they've known all along. It's amazing what a pair of oversized prescription glasses can do for one's image. — Cory Graves

Ruth Reichl at Horchow Auditorium
Ruth Reichl's debut novel, Delicious, centers around a protagonist who is the editor at Delicious magazine, New York's most iconic foodie rag, until it shuts down and she makes “a life-changing discovery.” It's a situation Reichl is all too familiar with, having been the editor in chief at Gourmet magazine for a decade before it shut down in 2009. Before that, Reichl served as the restaurant critic for the New York Times. You can join the author tonight and enjoy a special three-course meal inspired by her favorite recipes. There will also be, of course, discussion of foodie fiction. — CG

Architects and letlive at The Prophet Bar
Until successful stints on the Vans Warped Tour and a co-headlining tour with Protest the Hero, British hardcore band Architects told interviewers last year that they were considering abandoning future attempts at tours in the U.S. because they were tired of losing money. Fortunately, the turnout for the band's most recent American dates was enough to convince the band to give it another go on our shores. Co-headlining this one is California post-hardcore outfit letlive, whose singer Jason Butler is the only remaining original member of the band. — CG

Bludded Head, Prizehog and Spacebeach at Three Links
While this trio of acts have all used completely different self-identifiers — doom metal, stoner metal, space sludge, surf metal, etc. — this bill is actually much more sonically cohesive than those differences imply. Between guitar-less Denton act Bludded Head, Fort Worth's Spacebeach and Portland-via-San Francisco outfit Prizehog, there's a common thread of heavy, trudging, ambient noise that'll tie the night together quite nicely. — CG

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.

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