Suffer From Fistophobia at The Magnolia.
For all the polluting, murdering and other hazards that come with living in such a big city, one of the few things you can't complain about is the wide array of dining options.
No matter your dietary restrictions or preferences, aversions to GMOs, affinity for anything locally grown or devotion to whatever latest dietary craze (we're looking at you, paleo dieters), you can find someone locally serving up the goods.
And thanks to this article on the health benefits of drinking cow urine, you even have a new dinner mission tonight.
Assuming you decide not to join us in our quest, we'll see you later in the night.
Fortunately, the rest of the night's options are much less gross.
Maxwell Hughes at The Prophet Bar
Though Hughes has released three solo albums, it was the time he spent touring as the unofficial fourth member of The Lumineers that's brought him the most notoriety. And while he did write a handful of the songs that appeared on that outfit's Grammy-winning debut LP, you won't really hear much overlap between The Lumineers' sound and Hughes' more Kaki King-inspired solo work. The international fingerstyle guitar champion likes to refer to his solo sets as 45 minutes of showing off — and zero minutes of “Ho Hey” covers. — Cory Graves
Midnight Run at The Magnolia
Every review of the 1988 action-comedy vehicle can be summed up in one sentence: Who needs an original plot when you've got such great actors? Despite every bit of triteness packed into this odd couple, bounty hunter flick, the chemistry between Robert De Niro — here in one of his earliest comedic performances — and Charles Grodin is what really makes this film work. — CG
Analog Assault: Get Crazy at Alamo Drafthouse
Little did you know, but dramatically reading “totes mcgoats”-filled text messages with James Earl Jones for a series of Sprint ads is far from the most ridiculous thing that Malcom McDowell has ever done on screen. In 1983, for instance, he starred in the coked-up rock 'n' roll classic Get Crazy, a film so manic director Allan Arkush has described it as having “5,000 punch lines and only 2,000 jokes.” Magically enough, more than a few of those center around McDowell's talking penis. Oh, and like all the other films screened as part of this monthly series, this is one that never made the jump from VHS to DVD or Blue-Ray. — CG
Tuesday Night Tease at Sue Ellen's
Sure, there are plenty of other weekly drag events that go on in this town, but none of them hold a candle to Tuesday nights at this two-story, predominantly lesbian bar. Enjoy the go-go and line dancing all you want, but it's the burlesque queens and drag kings that truly rule. — CG
To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.