Burn One Down.
Recently, Ukranian model Valeria Lukyanova — more commonly known as Human Barbie — admitted to having Photoshopped some of the “defects” out of some of her recent photos.
Shocking, I know.
Is anything even real anymore? If we can't count on a woman with highly unattainable proportions to tell the truth about her doll-like figure, then what out there can we believe in?
By and large, about the only thing you can count on in this world is that there is never a dull Thursday in Dallas. Here's more than a dozen pieces of proof to that effect. No, really! — Cory Graves
Natasha Leggero at Hyena's (Fort Worth)
Hear that? That's you from the future, chuckling heartily at risque jokes! If you want my incredibly intuitive prediction to come true, head out to Hyena's Fort Worth the next two nights to enjoy the comedic stylings of frequent Chelsea Handler collaborator, and recent Justin Bieber roaster, Natasha Leggero. She's as foul-mouthed as they come, so leave the babies (and baby-faced friends) at home. — Chelsea Upton
AT&T Patio Sessions at Sammons Park (Free)
Look for local outfit Mayta to bring a jazzy aesthetic to its Spanish-language indie rock at this free, weekly outdoor event, where fellow locals SuperSonic Lips will open the night with its English-language punk. — Ashley Gongora
Strung Out at Three Links
Formed in 1989, Cali melodic punk rockers Strung Out were one of the first acts signed to Fat Wreck Chords back in the day. And they're still there. Even without moving on to a bigger label in its 26-year existence, the group's managed to move a million units and play thousands of shows on five continents. They'll add another to the tally tonight in Dallas, where Red City Radio, La Armada and PEARS open. — CG
Hamilton Leithauser (of The Walkmen) at Dada
As anyone that's every been to a Walkmen show can attest, those who show up are quite obviously in love with Leithauser and his band's music. Or is it the love they love? See what we did there? In any case, we're guessing folks will be just as enamored with his solo offerings as he is when we performs with the rest of the Walkmen. — Kalan Briggs
VIP Party at Bomb Factory
It's tough to say what exactly about this even makes it one for the “very important” set — y'know, given that over 2,000 people have been invited to its Facebook event page and all — but, hey, it is happening and there is a secret headliner booked. Yes, we know who it is. No, we can't tell you, sorry. But it should be fun! And, listen, here's the bottom line: If you still need an excuse to see the Bomb Factory for yourself — and you really should want to do that — this is your chance. Didn't get an invite? Head to any number of bars around Deep Ellum. While out earlier this week, we saw Bomb Factory staffers dropping stacks of tickets to various bars. So there's your in, non-important people of the world. — Pete Freedman
Shivering Timbers at Dan's Silverleaf
According to Sarah Benn, the stand-up bass player and lead vocalist of husband-wife duo Shivering Timbers, the band's scheduled plenty of days off on its current “Wild West Tour” to go hiking and camping. Expect the Akron-based folk outfit — which also includes a touring third member on drums — to be plenty refreshed headlining Dan's tonight. Bosque Brown and Dan's mainstays Hares on the Mountain open. — CG
Barefoot at the Belmont at the Belmont Hotel
Like every single edition of this cozy little weekly series, tonight's performances by Israel Nash and The Roomsounds at the Belmont Hotel sold out almost immediately after going on sale a couple weeks back. Next week's show with Kaleo is sold out, too. If you want to see Leon Bridges in this intimate setting on June 13, we'd be refreshing the site religiously at 10 a.m. on June 3 when tickets go on sale. — CG
Craft Beer and Artisan Cheese Pairing at Community Beer Company
I know it sounds crazy, but beer and cheese actually have a lot in common. I mean, they're both fermented. Anyway, this event will feature four of Community's brews, each paired with a complimentary and a contrasting cheese, and experts from both fields helping guide you through the differences. Anyway, by our math, that's four beers and eight cheeses for only $30. Tickets are limited, and be purchased here. — Lauren Rushing
DCH Cookout at Dallas Chop House
Tonight, Downtown eatery Dallas Chop House hosts its first DCH Cookout from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m. The event is free, with benefits going to the North Texas Food Bank. — Porttia Portis
Whiskey Shivers at Lola's
Austin's Whiskey Shivers may be somewhat newer to the hillbilly jamboree, but the band's passion for showmanship will surely help them keep up with acts that have been making this kind of music for decades now. Even newer is Dallas' Vandoliers, which makes its Fort Worth debut at this one. The Last Knife Fighter opens. — PP
Crate Dating at Off the Record
Find your next bf/gf at this unique singles event, which combines crate digging with some good ol' fashioned music snobbery and asks that you discuss your music selections with your potential fling. It beats swiping away on Tinder, for one. Plus, it should provide more suitable matches, seeing as how you'll already have two things in common — your love of vinyl and hanging out in bars on weeknights. It's also worth noting that tonight's edition will be the final month hosted by the event's founder, Vanessa Quilantan, who'll be moving to New York in the near future. — CG
Mahler's Symphony No. 3 at Meyerson Symphony Center
Gustav Mahler's six-movement, 90-plus minute third symphony is by far his longest piece. That's partially why it's performed much less often than his other symphonies. The other reason? To really pull off the magnificent scope of piece as the composer intended, it requires more than 100 musicians and two choruses. It's gonna be a tight stage. — CG
Crowne Plaza Invitational Golf Tournament at Colonial Country Club
Today marks the first official day of the Colonial, Fort Worth's annual PGA event that'll crown its champ come Sunday. Unlike most years, this year's tournament precedes the Byron Nelson by a week and features 26 of the top players in the FedEx Cup, including Adam Scott and recent Masters winner, the 21-year-old Dallas boy Jordan Spieth. — CG
Mean Girls at Granada Theater
It's Thursday, so we guess wearing pink is optional tonight — that's something, you might recall, we definitely do do on Wednesdays. Attending tonight's Mean Girls screening, however, is mandatory — especially you ever expect “fetch” to happen. — CG
Paul Wall at Hailey's Club
If you're anything like us, you've probably wondered at some point what happened to Paul Wall. It seemed as if he fell into obscurity almost as fast as he rose to the mainstream, doesn't it? Alas, that's just the nature of the music business as we've come to know it. Or is it? As it turns out, Wall turned down major label deals to create his own independent label, Paul Wall Music, with the help of friend and fellow Houston rapper, Slim Thug. These days, he's developing his own music style and fan base, taking it back to basics via the underground. Or so he says. — Porttia Portis
Fresh 45s at Crown and Harp
For quite some time now, Crown and Harp's regular third-Thursday, all-vinyl DJ affairs presented by Salt-N-Pepa's Spinderella and Too Fresh Productions' Joel Salazar have been widely considered one of Dallas' reigning must-attend affairs. Resident DJs Jay Clipp and JT Donaldson will also be there, as will special guest DJ Boogie Blind from New York. So expect a time, folks. Oh, and get there early, too. Why? Well, because this one is this sure to become a crowded affair. — PF
Deep Ellum Wine Walk
Code for “get classy drunk and shop local,” the premise for this thing is quite simple: Purchase an official wine walk glass at 2646 Main Street for $10, and then fill 'er up for free at participating locations, such as The Akola Project, B4, Dallas Pin-Up, Dallas School of Burlesque, Deep Ellum Trading Company, Elluments, Epocha, Get Reel Goods, Kettle Art, Life of Riley, Lula B's, The Mozzarella Company, The Rag Parlor and The Upper Paw. — CG
To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.