USA! USA! USA!

If you read Central Track daily — and you do, don't you? — then you know that we have a love for all things weird, wild and Nicolas Cage-related.

The man just brings no surprises — only the awesome. But the latest “What?” news regarding the free-spirited actor could leave you a bit soft.

Here's what happened: For whatever reason, the web porn purveyors at WoodRocket — doing everything it can to really put itself front in center of the Internet limelight — released a photoshoot with porn stars dressed up as The Cage, mustache (when necessary) and all.

To see the full gallery, follow this SFW link.

A warning, though: You're gonna have a tough time getting these images out of your head.

Well, maybe these events around town can help take your mind off of it. — Chase Whale

USA vs. Germany at American Airlines Center
Don't miss your chance to watch USA beat Germany on the big screen at AT&T Plaza in Victory Park. Since the last showing at Klyde Warren Park was pretty packed before the game even starts, you might want to snag your spot early. Oh, and bring chairs! —Ashley Gongora

Swans at Trees
Swans was one of the more influential and confrontational bands of New York's No Wave scene, what with frontman Michael Gira's gritty persona and his lyrical penchant for the aggressively religious. After forming in 1982, the band broke up in 1997, only to reform in 2010. The band's new To Be Kind LP was produced by local studio ace John Congleton and features multi-tracked vocals from fellow Congleton-devotee St. Vincent throughout the record, too. Fellow experimental outfit Xiu Xiu opens. — Chelsea Upton

Eddie Izzard at Majestic Theatre
Izzard is England's whimsical, rambling, sometimes cross-dressing comedian that's considered by many — including John Cleese himself — to be the lost member of Monty Python. He'll bring the funny to Dallas' historic Majestic Theatre tonight. — Cory Graves

Barefoot at the Belmont
KXT 91.7's annual summer concert series seems to have been nothing but a success thus far, with every single show selling out. Only four shows remain as summer draws nearer to close, so be sure to get your tickets well beforehand. Tonight, Bootstraps headlines and Oil Boom opens. (And, yes, as is always the case, tickets are already sold out). —Chrissi Chetwood

Godfrey at Arlington Improv
It's the “Make 7-Up Yours” guy! No, not that one. The other one. — Stephen Young

Kenny Uptain, Sam Anderson and Dave Matsler at Fred's Texas Cafe
On the eve of his band releasing its latest LP at Three Links in Dallas, Foxtrot Uniform's Kenny Uptain will do the solo acoustic thing at Fred's Cafe out in the Fort. So too will Quaker City Night Hawks members Sam Anderson and Dave Matsler. — CG

Matt Hillyer at Dan's Silverleaf
After spending the majority of his adult career with North Texas country band Eleven Hundred Springs, Matt Hillyer has changed direction with his recent solo moves. His solo effort, If These Old Bones Could Talk, reflects this new phase of his career, but he still promises to keep his loyalty to the band that got him started. —CC

Waka Flocka at Lizard Lounge
When Waka Flocka played Trees back in January, it was quite the lively show. Waka slapped hands with seemingly the entirety of his adoring audience, and he even joined his fans out in the crowd for a few verses. With security instructed to step aside, Waka made his way to every corner of the venue. The whole venue went wild in that moment, with fans rushing to crush their own bodies up against Waka's sweat-dripping one. It was an impressive display — especially given how well he was able to handle his swarming crowd and keep his show going. Expect more of the same at the even more party-atmosphere-inclined Lizard Lounge as Waka returns to town. — Kathy Tran

Rap Trivia at Crown & Harp
Calling all hip-hop heads: If you know your stuff when it comes to funky beats, mad flows and killer MCs, take a chance at winning some free drinks, T-shirts and future show admissions tonight at Crown & Harp's quiz. —CC

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.

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