Slap Us Five.

Not to freak you out, but 68 percent of bathrooms and 75 percent of bedrooms have at leats one spider in them. In fact, there are 29 million tons of spiders crawling the earth right now.

Why they don’t overtake us and gobble us all up, I have no idea. But it’s probably just a matter of time before they do, right? Alls we’re saying is that we better make the most of whatever time we have left.

Monday (4.3)
Texas Rangers Opening Day at Globe Life Park
Suck it, Indians!

2001: a Space Odyssey Anniversary Screening at Alamo Drafthouse (Cedars)
Still the ultimate trip.

Tuesday (4.4)
Why? at Trees
If I’m sinking in laughing at something sunken in I am.

1984 at Texas Theatre
Big brother is watching.

Wednesday (4.5)
Dollar Hot Dog Night at Globe Life Park
Have you seen my weiner?

Soluna Preview: Simultaneous Duo Version at Meyerson (Free)
Dueling pianos.

Thursday (4.6)
Grand Opening at Halcyon Dallas
Mmm, coffee.

Mr. Carmack at House of Blues
Let me go.

Fresh 45s at Off the Record (Free)
Wax nostalgic.

Old 97’s County Fair Pre-Party at The Rustic
With Vincent Neil Emerson, Madison King and Castro.

Friday (4.7)
Drive-By Truckers at Granada Theater
Go where the devil don’t stay.

Chris Rock at WinStar World Casino and Resort
Everybody hates him.

Savor Dallas: Shaken + Stirred at Happiest Hour
The ultimate cocktail party.

Vince Staples at South Side Music Hall
Norf Norf.

The Sonics at Gas Monkey Bar N’ Grill
Have love will travel.

Dallas Art Fair at Fashion Industry Gallery
Deal with it.

Luke McGlathery (Album Release) at Lola’s Saloon
Life ain’t hard.

Cottonmouth, Texas: The History of Popular Music in Dallas at Kessler Theater
An evening of storytellers and songwriters.

Saturday (4.8)
Old 97’s County Fair at Main Street Garden Park
With Lucinda Williams, Mavis Staples, The Jayhawks and more.

Central Track Turns Five at Double Wide
It’s our party.

Savor: The Grand Tasting at Centennial Hall
The culinary centerpiece.

Lollie Bombs Presents: A Fifth Element Show
There is no future without it.

Three-Year Anniversary Party at Republic Street Bar
With Pearl Earl, Andy Pickett, War Party.

Cappadonna at Shipping and Receiving
Wu-Tang is for the children.

Dallas Record Show at Richardson Convention Center
Wax poetic.

”The Difference Between a Duck” (Exhibition Reception) at Beefhaus
If it does art like a duck…

Terry Malts at Three Links
Tumble down.

Real Estate at South Side Music Hall
Serve the song.

The Orwells at Dada
Terrible human beings.

Steve Martin and Martin Short at Verizon Theatre
Two out of three amigos ain’t bad.

Sunday (4.9)
Sober’s Record Pop-Up at Off the Record
DJ Sober’s hawking all his hip-hop.

Small Black at Dada
They’re no strangers.

Ariana Grande at American Airlines Center
Bang bang.

Bastille at Verizon Theatre
Good grief.

Puffy AmiYumi at Trees
Hi hi.

O’Reilly Auto Parts 500 at Texas Motor Speedway
Go ‘round in circles.

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our event directory.

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