Remembering The Lives of Shark Week, Handlebar Moustaches, That's What She Said and More!
Each week, dozens of memes, trends and pop culture items die quiet, unceremonious deaths. We'd like to publicly give these dead trends the proper memorials they deserve. Then, we kindly request that we never speak of them again.
That's What She Said
That's What She Said was born February 14, 1992, in Aurora, Illinois, and passed away on August 11, 2012 in Scranton, Pennsylvania. He was the son of Wayne and Cassandra Campbell. He began his television career with a public access show filmed in his mother's basement. After selling the rights to his program to a crooked arcade owner, he thought his dreams of stardom were forever dashed. So, following his retirement, he moved east and began working in the paper industry. Thanks to a nationally televised documentary filmed in his office, That's What She Said enjoyed more popularity in his final days than he ever could have imagined. He was preceded in death by a grandfather, Not!, a grandmother, Sike!, and a brother, That's Not What You Said Last Night. He is survived by a grandfather, I Know You Are, But What Am I?
Juggalos, 18, went to join the big gathering in the sky on August 13, 2012, as a result of injuries suffered at the hands of a scientist following a disagreement regarding the manner in which magnets function. His
friends family will remember him, though, as a jovial man, always quick with a dirty joke or eager to offer a bottle of Faygo. Juggalos was preceded in death by his parents, Deadheads and The Kiss Army, and is survived by a son, Beliebers. In lieu of flowers, the family… Family, Family, Family!
McKayla is Not Impressed
McKayla is Not Impressed was born on August 7, 2012, and died August 10, 2012. Although born in good health, she took her own life three days later. According to a note she left behind, she simply took a look at the world around her and just didn't feel like anything was all that remarkable about it. McKayla is Not Impressed was preceded in death by a father, Spock is Not Impressed. She is succeeded by Upside Down Synchronized Swimmers. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you please at least try to send something that's remotely amusing.
Shark Week, born July 17, 1987, became fish food on August 14, 2012. Shark Week was a prominent activist best known for his role in raising awareness and respect for shark-related television programming. He ultimately jumped the shark while attempting to disprove the adage, “if you stop, swimming you'll drown.” Shark Week was preceded in death by his father, Jaws, and mother, Nova. He is survived by a son, Lobster Wars.
Handlebar Moustache, age 162, died on August 12, 2012. After several close shaves during late nineteenth century gun battles, Handlebar Moustache's life was finally cut short following a tragic pomade mishap. He enjoyed a diverse array of careers in his life, including time as a bare-knuckles boxer, a sheriff and a stint as a major league baseball player in the '70s. He was an avid enthusiast of motorcycles and penny-farthing bicycles. Handlebar Moustache was preceded in death by father, The John Waters, brothers, The Dali and The Zappa, and a daughter, The Bearded Lady. He is survived first by The Yacht Rock, then The Hitler and, finally, by nothing at all.