Remembering The Lives of J.R. Ewing, Ugly Christmas Sweaters, Thanksgiving Leftovers and More.
Each week, dozens of memes, trends and pop culture items die quiet, unceremonious deaths. We'd like to publicly give these dead trends the proper memorials they deserve. Then, we kindly request that we never speak of them again.
Facebook Privacy Notice Rumors
Facebook Privacy Notice Rumors, six months, expired on November 24, 2012. An especially private person, Facebook Privacy Notice Rumors' body wasn't discovered until several days after his passing. Those who knew him best — a.k.a. friends and family members he interacted with via his Second Life account — will always remember him as a consummate prankster. Facebook Privacy Notice Rumors is preceded in death by his father That Photoshopped Back To The Future Image, his brother The Bald For Beiber Campaign, and his cousin Bill Murray Can Crash Here. He is survived by his son Interest Lists and his daughter The Dislike Button Is Just Around The Corner Rumor. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you please send them your username and password so that they can help keep you protected.
Born in 1935, J.R. Ewing passed away on November 23, 2012. Though he was groomed from birth to be the heir apparent to the Ewing Oil empire, J.R. was never really entirely satisfied with the oil business. Instead, a small part of the hobbyist astronomer always dreamed of someday becoming an astronaut. J.R. Ewing was preceded in death by his parents Jock and Ellie Ewing, his uncle Jason Ewing and his sister-in-law April Stevens. He is survived by his brothers Gary and Bobby Ewing, his half-brother Ray Krebbs, his cousins Jamie and Jack Ewing and his sons John Ross Ewing and James Beaumont. In lieu of flowers, the family asks, “Who shot J.R.?”
Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Ugly Christmas Sweaters, born in 2001, unraveled on November 22, 2012. After a Betty White-like resurgence of cool extremely late in her life, Ugly Christmas Sweaters eventually met her end following an argument with Rivers Cuomo. Ugly Christmas Sweaters was preceded in death by her parents Mustache Parties and Ironic T-Shirts, her aunt UGG Boots, and her daughters Satirical Earmuffs and Sardonic Mittens. She is survived by her aunt '90s Prom-Themed Events, her sisters Coke Bottle Glasses, and her son Obnoxious Scarves.
Thanksgiving Leftovers, born November 22, 2012, ate it on November 26, 2012. He was a generous and altogether versatile sort, always eager to serve those around him in whatever manner he was able to muster. He was called by some a potluck hero. To others, he was the gift that kept on giving. Still, he was always careful not to overstay his welcome. Thanksgiving Leftovers was preceded in death by The Last Piece Of Pumpkin Pie and The Last Of The Halloween Candy. He is survived by Which Wich's Thank You Turkey Sub, Stouffer's Stovetop Stuffing, Vodka Cranberry Cocktails, Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte and Something I'm Assuming Used To Be Green Bean Casserole.
Black Friday Stampeders
Born Thursday, November 22, 2012, Black Friday Stampeders checked out November 24, 2012. Black Friday Stampeders was a well-meaning wife and mother who always wanted the best for her loved ones. Unfortunately, her limits in this area knew no bounds. She will be forever remembered by her family, who she provided endlessly for, as well as the whole string of shoppers she left permanently injured in her wake. Black Friday Stampeders was preceded in death by When Animals Attack, Waffle House Fights, Mob Mentality and Lord Of The Flies. She is survived by Retail Priced Goods, Wrecked Big Box Stores and Severely Beaten Wal-Mart Employees. In lieu of coupons, the family asks, “So, what are you thankful for?”