From Lawsuits To Fist Fights, Local Politicians Lost Their Damn Minds This Week.

Welcome to D-Rated, in which we try to determine if the quality of life in Dallas and its surrounding areas is moving up or down by arbitrarily awarding and subtracting point values to our living situation based on current events.

They'll Sue The Pants Off You: In a not-at-all-surprising development, Exxxotica has sued the city of Dallas for banning the adults-only convention from using the city-owned convention center. This was only a matter of time, since refusing to allow to Exxxotica to rent the public space is pretty obviously unconstitutional. But don't worry, our tax dollars will now go to fight adults who want to meet adult film stars — just like God intended. The funny part in all this is that councilman Philip Kingston made an off-handed comment about how “even the dentists enjoyed it.” This is a statement backed up with evidence since a dentists' convention shared the space with Exxxotica last year and some of the DDSs got their XXX on and came over during breaks. That comment inspired John Findley, who leads the Dallas County Dental Society, to write a letter clarifying that these particular dentists do not like green eggs and ham — er, porn stars and BDSM. Minus 3 for Dallas putting taxpayers in this situation, Plus 1 for the chuckles John Findley provided.

Shady Lane: A disturbing story just got another wrinkle. Back in April, 57-year-old Ronald Shumway went missing. Then, his home was sold in June. Then, in September, his remains were found in the yard on the side of his home. Something's a little fishy here, obviously. Now Dallas police suspect that impostor Christopher Brian Colbert posed as Shumway to get the illegal sale going. Colbert allegedly used a phony ID to sell the house and used Shumway's debit card. So crazy. But worth noting: The murder investigation is still pending and Colbert is not currently a suspect. Minus 3.

Welcome To The Club: While the Mavericks might be teetering on the edge of the lottery, they at least have something to be excited about: Dirk Nowitzki became just the sixth player ever to pass 29,000 points. The German power forward hit the milestone on Sunday's win over the bottom-feeding Philadelphia 76ers, joining the likes of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Karl Malone, Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan and Wilt Chamberlain. Plus 3.

Don't Wanna Fight: Gotta love Dallas politics. John Wiley Price and Dwaine Caraway got into a fight at — wait for it — a local gospel radio station. Witnesses differ on the cause of the fight. Some say it's over the unincorporated town of Sandbranch, which does not have running water. Others say Caraway exploded over comments about Price sleeping with Caraway's wife. Whatever the reason, keep in mind that these public officials are both running for Dallas County Commissioners Court and that they started fighting at a gospel radio station. I personally think they should settle this in a cage match. Minus 1.

Take Me To The River: If you're breaking attendance records and trying to keep it up, you might as well go for broke. And the Frisco RoughRiders are doing just that by putting in a lazy river just past their right field fence. If this sounds crazy to you already, just wait till you hear how big it is. Once completed, the outfield river will be bigger than the Arizona Diamondbacks' pool or the Jacksonville Jaguars' two hot tubs. Choctaw Casino will sponsor the water feature and fans can get access to the area for $39 on Tuesdays — a price that also includes all-you-can-eat food and Dr Pepper. Because Texas. Plus 2.

This Week's Total: Minus 1.
Last Week's Running Total: Minus 9.
This Week's Running Total: Minus 10.

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