It's Been Another Up-and-Down Week in Dallas.
Welcome to D-Rated, our weekly feature that tries to determine if things are looking up or down for Dallasites by arbitrarily assigning point values to current events.
By air, land and sea: Earlier this week, JetBlue Airways sent Dallas mayor Mike Rawlings a pair of lobsters on the first incoming-to-DFW flight on their new Dallas-to-Boston connection. They gave the lobsters seats. Not a bad take at $119 a ticket. Granted, it was a one-way flight. Because Rawlings ate them. Plus 2.
Paved Paradise: Councilmember Dwaine Caraway compared White Rock Lake to Disney World this week, which is in and of itself fairly notable, except he then added that, like Disney World, White Rock Lake's greenspace needs to be paved over to make way for parking. Somewhere, Joni Mitchell weeps. Minus 20.
Parklife: It's May — and that means it's festival season in and around North Texas. Also? Sunburn season. Plus six.
There's no crying in baseball: At Rangers Ballpark this week, a couple made headlines for intercepting a game ball tossed toward a toddler — and then cheerfully celebrating that fact as the baby cried about it in the seat next to them. Later, the kid and couple both remembered that the ball came from Mitch Moreland before dishearteningly shrugging and going about the rest of their lives. Minus 9.
Mathletes Kindergartners at St. Phillips' Academy in Dallas are learning math at a third grade level, presumably because their verbal skills are still so lacking that they can't correctly utter the phrase, “But when will I use this in real life?” Plus 3.
Pissed off: A seventh-grader at Zumwalt Middle School in Dallas says one of her teachers broke her arm as she tried to excuse herself from detention to use the bathroom. “Urine for it now!” the teacher apparently said as he lunged at the student. Minus 7.
Race for a cure: County Commissioners John Wiley Price and Maurine Dickey traded some tense words this week. During an argument between Price and fellow commissioner Mike Cantrell, Dickey blasted their discussion by saying that it sounded like “the pot calling the kettle African-American.” Price responded by calling Dickey “a typical racist ass.” Dickey, we hear, replied to Price by saying, “I know you are, but what am I?” to which Price supposedly added, “I am rubber and you are glue, and whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you,” and then everyone screamed because “bounces” was the secret word of the day. Minus 2.
Get out of jail free-ish: 29 years later, two Dallas men have been exonerated of rape and kidnapping charges. The judge who declared their innocence reportedly told the men, “Our bad, you guys. Faulty police work on our end. That's all it was. It definitely had nothing to do with the underlying and rarely spoken of historical racial tensions throughout the city. Like, at all. I mean, you understand.” Minus 2.
Half the man he used to be: A Dallas woman is accused of stabbing and castrating a dude that she may or may not have known. Details are scarce at this point. Point is, maybe keep your legs crossed for the next few days, fellas. Minus 1.
Just like a woman: A transsexual was cited for using female restroom at Parkland Hospital this week. Authorities became suspicious when she tried to shake their hands before washing her own. Minus 1.
Shine on: The argument over the reflections coming from the facade on new Arts District residential skyscraper Museum Tower, which have come under fire of late for potentially causing irreparable damage to the Nasher Sculpture Center and its garden, reached new heights this week as The New York Times weighed in on the matter. Untouched in this an all other articles on this subject: The curious uptick in Nasher Center garden sunbathers. Minus 1.
Mightier than the sword: A 27-year-old man is accused of using a machete to rob a bank in the White Rock Lake area earlier this week. Said councilmember Caraway of the arrest: “See? Pirates of the Caribbean. Disney World. I fucking told you.” Plus 25.
Last week's total: Plus .96
This week's count: Minus 7
This week's total: Minus 6.04.