This Week, Walls Came Down As Our Quality Of Life Rose Dramatically.

Welcome to D-Rated, in which we try to determine if the quality of life in Dallas and its surrounding areas is moving up or down by arbitrarily awarding and subtracting point values to our living situation based on current events.

Real Time: Rumors have swirled for a long time, but now it's official and Bravo will indeed launch The Real Housewives of Dallas at some time in 2016. So now we just get to kick back and see how awful the people on this show will make our town look! I'm sure this is how Austin felt when The Real World came to town a decade ago. At least we're not alone; the Washington, D.C. area is slated to get Real Housewives of Potomac as well. To picture what might happen, let's just watch these clips of Lucille Bluth from Arrested Development and imagine she's saying them in front of a Highland Park school board meeting. Minus 2.

Doody Calls: The Dallas City Council unanimously voted this week to revise a 2002 equal-rights ordinance. It previously lumped gender identity within its “sexual orientation” protection. “Gender identity and expression” is now its own specific class under the ordinance, protected from discrimination in both employment and housing. This is a minor but important change, since gender, sex and sexuality are all different things and this makes it crystal clear that discrimination of any kind in Dallas is unacceptable. But, of course, some bigoted morons want to rile up fear, saying that this ordinance will now suddenly let men lurk in women's bathrooms to prey on them. Won't someone please think of the children?! First of all, this is hateful bullshit. Perverts aren't going to suddenly leap into action to exploit some totally invented loophole to hang out in bathrooms under the guise that they're really women. Second of all, our lieutenant governor (!) is basically lumping in transgender people with the guys from Porky's, which isn't fair to them or anyone with half a brain. Minus 3 for the stupidity, Plus 10 for the City Council doing the right thing.

Sliced Up: Robert Irwin's “Portal Park Piece (Slice)” sculpture, which previously split Pearl and Cesar Chavez, is coming down. But it won't be tossed aside. Starting in January, it will go into storage along with a statue of John Carpenter, and it will be reinstalled whenever the new Carpenter Park opens. That park will be bordered by Live Oak, Pearl, Pacific and US-75. Thankfully, the Parks & Rec department — along with the Belo-owned Carpenter Park LLC — will be saving this work of art, instead of just getting it out of the way. The artist is a MacArthur Genius and deserves our respect. Plus 2.

Clipped: That disloyal DeAndre Jordan showed his face again in Dallas — but, this time, the Mavericks were ready for him. The Los Angeles Clippers center, who famously went back on his word to sign with the Mavs this summer, showed up with his team Wednesday night. The Mavs nearly blew it, as they've shown a habit of doing, but they ended up winning by 10 points thanks, largely, to another monstrous Dirk performance. Still, it's not like it really matters, since only injuries could stop the reigning champion Golden State Warriors. Plus 1.

She's Gone: At the end of the year, Denton club Hailey's will shut its doors, to re-open as a regular old, no-music-having bar some time in 2016. The venue has seen business decline lately in part because almost every corner of Denton has live music. Sure, the fact that you could light up inside helped keep the doors open a little longer (not a big deal to a non-smoker like me, but a huge deal to the friends who do). But that wasn't enough to keep it going in the long run. It's a little sad to see it go — as a UNT alumnus, I danced many a night away during Hailey's once-legendary '80s-themed bashes — but I wouldn't call it a Denton institution or anything. The venue was like the person you went on a few dates with, not the serious long-term relationship. Minus 1.

Hardy Dose: The evidence keeps mounting against Greg Hardy, at least in the court of public opinion. This week, Deadspin released the transcript of his reinstatement meeting with the NFL, and it's a doozy. He and his attorney simply attempt to discredit his ex-girlfriend, using the old “she tripped and fell” excuse and essentially labeling her a slut. There's no real challenge to Hardy's version of events, though, and the NFL looks worse than it already does. But there's more! Then Hardy had to go and change his Twitter profile, using the phrase “innocent until proven guilty” and essentially calling out those who want him out of the NFL ignorant, all the while claiming “discrimination” in his defense. At least he didn't say “Only God can judge me.” You stay classy, Hardy. Minus 2, and we'll keep losing points as long as he's a Dallas Cowboy.

Walls Come Tumbling Down: They're tearing down an historic building in Oak Cliff for a parking lot? Man, gentrification is the worst! Well, until you realize the warehouse next to Carvalio Funeral Home in the Bishop Arts District has lain vacant for the past eight years and wasn't exactly in shape to host another business. Plus, have you tried parking in Bishop Arts? It can be a nightmare. This will piss off some purists, but sometimes this is exactly what needs to happen in a growing area. Plus 2.

This Week's Total: Plus 7.
Last Week's Running Total: Minus 7.
This Week's Running Total: Even!

Cover photo via Calvarios Funeral Home's Facebook page.


















































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