It Was Rough Ridin' In Dallas And The Surrounding Areas This Week.
Welcome to D-Rated, an old weekly feature of ours that's coming back with a vengeance! Here, we try to determine if Dallas' quality of life is moving up or down by arbitrarily assigning point values to current events.
Washed Out: Well, I guess we have to start here, since it's been the biggest story in the country all week. Without getting too controversial, here are the facts: There was a pool party in McKinney; the police were called; and one of the responding officers barrel-rolled into the place, body-slammed a bikini-clad girl and pulled a gun on two on-looking boys. There have been rallies and demands for investigation into the whole police department. And that officer? He's since resigned. Either way, we made The Daily Show for the second time this year for an incident we'd all wish wouldn’t have even happened. (This was the other time that happened.) All in all? Yeesh. Minus 15.
Presidential Meat Sweats: If you frequent NorthPark, you're probably familiar with its ever-reliable food offerings — or, better yet, the lack thereof. Long story short: There aren't many restaurants on site here that will wow you. But, hey, that might be changing soon! The group behind such delicious eateries as Smoke, Spork and Chicken Scratch will soon open up The Theodore right there in the mall. Inspired by our most badass president — Teddy Roosevelt. duh — the restaurant will feature vintage furniture, a variety of meats that would make Ron Swanson proud and an open bakery that will let diners and passers-by watch all those delicious carbs as they get whipped up. Plus 5.
Move Along: Someday, if it ever gets finished, the Dallas Midtown development set to take over the Valley View Mall's real estate is going to be a happening place. Not familiar with the plans? Think The Shops at Legacy, but bigger. Which, of course, raises some questions — like, namely, how we're supposed to get around such a big place. By walking? Get outta here. This is the future, dammit. And the people demand a people mover to move around. That’s right: We could get a tram like they have at DFW International Airport, just to get around the mall. WALL·E will be here before you know it. Plus 1, I guess?
Butt Seriously: So, this whole “unlicensed butt injection” thing was looking like it was going to be my favorite story of the year. Then one of the ladies who got the injections was found dead. And now? It's mostly just sad. Why anyone would trust an amateur to inject any unnatural substance into their butt is beyond me. To have said injection take place within a sketchy makeshift office only makes it more curious. Now, though, the jerks who may have been responsible for that death are closer to being brought to justice: Jimmy Clarke, who prefers to go by Alicia, has been arrested. His partner in crime, Denise Ross (aka “Wee Wee,” seriously), is still being sought. Plus 1 out of 2.
Call of the Amazon: So, sure, some douchey developers want to turn Oak Cliff into a yuppie paradise. But there is, actually, some good news for Dallas' southern portions this week: Amazon just announced that it's going to be building a fulfillment center down there, bringing hundreds of jobs with it. These are jobs the city — and especially South Dallas — need. So, good on ya, Amazon! Now hurry up with that one-hour delivery I ordered, already. Plus 3.
A Most Violent Year: The good news first: Murder is down compared to last year — by, like, 10 percent fewer homicides! Now, the bad news: Most every other type of violent crime is up. Sexual assault is up a staggering 38 percent. Robberies and aggravated assaults are up, too. On the other hand, family violence is down slightly, but just keep in mind that these numbers are all based on what's reported, and some victims of these crimes never report what happened out of fear. Basically, just remember to stay safe out there, folks. Minus 8.
This Week's Total: Minus 13. We may be getting some new jobs and some new places to eat, but there's still a butt-injector named Wee Wee on the loose, and there's violence aplenty going down both in the heart of the city and in the northern suburbs. Let's try to do better next week!
Last Week's Count: N/A. The last time we did one of these was in September 2012. So, let's just assume we're starting from scratch.
Running Count: Minus 13.