You're The Best, Wolf Brand Chili.
I love you, Wolf Brand Chili.
Yeah, I said it. I'll shout it out from the rooftops.
I don't care. I love a canned meat. Deal with it.
But you're not just any canned meat, Wolf Brand Chili. You're really not. You're the greatest. You know that, right? Not just because you were born and bred right here in Texas, either. And not even because you were literally proclaimed the “state food” of Texas in 1977.
It's because you're so versatile, so accommodating.
I mean, what other chili offers themselves in so many different ways. There's the no beans package, the with beans package, the turkey meat package, the lean beef package, and, let's not forget, the hot, mild and spicy packages.
You are the most selfless canned meat I have ever come across!
You pour yourself out to everyone you meet. Literally, even. Like on a hot dog. Or a Frito pie. Or a pile of nachos. Or a burger. Or a tamale. Or even a square of Ramen noodles.
It's more than that, though. I love how you are so proud of being Texan that you even stamped our state right there on the front of your can. The fact that you were so loyal to us that you didn't even share yourself with any other state until you were 59 years old in 1954 is just a bonus. A grown man without commitment issues is an admirable thing!
Can we talk about your trademark slogan, too?
“Neighbor, how long has it been since you had a big, thick, steaming bowl of Wolf Brand Chili?” you ask. Then, before we can even answer, you respond: “Well, that's too long.”
Ugh. So adorable.
Some days, I wish there were Wolf Brand Chili vending machines. It sounds silly, I know. But how great would it be to roll up to a vending machine, drop in .50 cents and pull out a can of steaming hot Wolf Brand Chili, right and ready for the top to be popped and for me to guzzle down? I'd do it every day if I could.
I know I'm just daydreaming there. And, honestly, reality with you is just as great as fantasy.
So thank you Wolf Brand Chili. Thank you for adapting to the many needs and desires I have for a canned meat. Thank you for staying true to Texas.
And thank you for just being you. You rule.
The Central Track Staff.