You're Just The Coolest, Polar Vortex.
Dear Polar Vortex,
Hey there, cool guy. How've you been lately? We hope good, as we've just been having an exceptional month on our end of things. And a big part of that, we think, is because of you.
It's weird. We've been hearing a lot of people trying to steal your thunder lately, saying things like how you're not a real Polar Vortex. But we just wanted to tell you to shake them haters off.
Granted, maybe those weather snobs do have a point. Because they're not wrong: The pretty much month-long blast of unseasonably cool temperatures we've been blessed with of late have actually been caused by a circumpolar vortex in the troposphere, and not by the textbook polar vortex layer that sits up in the stratosphere above the North Pole.
So we get their position. Well, sort of, anyway.
But our point is this: While we may not truly understand why or how you do what you do — or where your name comes from, for that matter — we do know that this morning's low temperature was a glorious 70 degrees. And that, my friend, is simply incredible. Even better? The day's high is only supposed to be 80. Yes, 80! And it's not supposed to get past 93 degrees until Monday.
The hits just keep on coming, man.
And it just makes us think about where we'd be without you.
Take this time last year — August 1, 2013 — for example. It was 102 degrees on that day.
Fuck. That. Shit.
And it's not just today, either. You've been keeping it under one hundo for pretty much entire month of July. To wit: Only five days last month reached triple digits. So we thank the spirit in the sky that you were here this year. I mean, we really could have used you back in 2011 when 30 of July's 31 days hit the 100-degree mark.
Truth is, we much prefer your brand of record-setting. Hitting a record-low of 65 not once but twice last month? That was a nice touch, pal.
But let's forget about the past. Because you're here now, helping keep our electricity bills in check and keeping us alive when we have to drive in our A/C-less cars for more than 15 minutes at a time.
Oh, and you've also given us an excuse to rock those hoodies we bought on clearance this summer way before we thought we'd get the chance to wear them. And that's quite the solid.
Long story short: You, sir, are a class act. And we simply cannot thank you enough for, y'know, just for being you. It should go without saying at this point, but we're going to say it anyway: You're welcome around these parts anytime. Well, except maybe over the winter.
Cory Graves and the rest of the Central Track staff