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We Got Five On It.

In past versions of this column, we’ve tested the limits of what types of materials the USPS would handle and what types of unconventional packaging could successfully pass through the system. With varying degrees of success, we’ve proven thus far that our local branch is fairly lenient, delivering some fresh-cut locks of our hair in a plastic baggie, and even some unwrapped hotdogs . This week, instead of continuing to try and gross out and/or just weird out our mailwoman, we thought we’d change things up and test her honesty.

The thinking was to affix some cash to the back of an envelope in such a way that it would be easy enough to remove should the carrier be so tempted. We went with a $5 bill partially because a $1 bill wouldn’t really provide much temptation for absolutely anyone, and because it wasn’t a high enough denomination that it would ruin our day if it didn’t come back. And, if we’re being perfectly honest, it was the last bit of cash we had to our name at the time.

Our thinking was that if our mailwoman wrinkled the envelope a bit, she could totally take the bill and tell us it fell off naturally in transit and that we’d just have to take her word for it. It’s the perfect crime, really. And if we did decide to press the issue, they would simply tell us our unconventional mailing method was to blame and we wouldn’t really have a leg to stand on.

Luckily for us, the bill made its way back to our mailbox just one day later. Good thing, too, because, like we said before, it was the last bit of cash we had. And, of course, we immediately spent it with a $5 glass of whiskey and club soda.

Item: $5 bill taped to the outside of an envelope.
Estimated Value: $5
Cost of Postage: $0.45
Method: We loosely taped a folded $5 bill to the back of a standard white envelope with store-brand Scotch tape. We wrote “$5” on the envelope, with arrows pointing to the bill.
Days to Deliver: 1 day.
Condition Upon Arrival: Immaculate. The bill appeared virtually untouched.
Running “Can You Mail It?” Success Rate: 75 percent.

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