Here Are Your Bad Cowboy-Related Earthquake Jokes. And Also, An Introduction To A Soothsayer.
I felt it, guys. Yup. Out here by White Rock Lake, even. I totally did. It was very real. Or, rather, I think it was: This fan I keep on my bookcase kinda wiggled there for a second — like it was turning on, except, y'know, no one was turning it on.
Then, soon as that monumental event even registered, it was over. Thankfully, Twitter confirmed it: Yes, that was an earthquake. Yes, it registered a 3.5 magnitude. Yes, it was centered in Irving. Right near the old Texas Stadium spot.
Twitter, of course, wasted no time in making a correlation between this and the Dallas Cowboys. Without further ado, here they are, just as expected, the worst immediate Dallas Cowboy joke reactions to The Great Quake of '15. Boo to you all.
Well, except for one of you. Scroll to the bottom to have your mind blown.
So there was apparently an earthquake in Dallas…Was it Chris Christie jumping off the Cowboys bandwagon?— Aaron Talasnik (@ATalasnikCSN) January 6, 2015
Earthquake in Dallas? Please, people. That's just the aftershocks from Chris Christie jumping up and down at the Cowboys game.— Barack Hussein Ebola (@rovibe71) January 6, 2015
Everyone calm down that earthquake was God clapping for the Cowboys!— vicente hernandez (@DeltaKnight248) January 6, 2015
Earthquake in Dallas is just hell freezing over after the cowboys were gifted a playoff win.— Kevin KeeVee (@_getOFFofDeeZ) January 6, 2015
Earthquake in Dallas, in my opinion GB Packers would do anything to shake Dallas Cowboys!!— LÜIS R LOPEZ (@LuRoLopez) January 6, 2015
An earthquake was felt in Dallas. Apparently, the city’s foundation can’t hold Jerry Jones’ ego.— Mike Hart (@HartAttakSports) January 6, 2015
Earthquake in Dallas? Don't worry, that's just Satan coming to collect the soul Jerry Jones sold him for that game Sunday.— Peyton's Head (@PeytonsHead) January 6, 2015
No, that wasn't an earthquake in Dallas. That was Chris Christie falling to his knees to blow Jerry Jones— DTK (@DanKlein9) January 6, 2015
BREAKING: Earthquake 5.4 epicenter Jerry Jones suite, Arlington, Texas. Oh, it's Chris Christie.— Mike Clemens (@MikeClemensNFL) January 5, 2015
Earthquake in Irving? Thanks a lot Romo.— Brandon Bogusch (@bbogu5ch) January 6, 2015
First of all, shame on you all for those fat-shaming Christ Christie jokes. Governors are people, too.
But, second of all, you're not even that creative. This dude Frank Scaven did it first — on Sunday and during the game, no less — and, not only that, but he also predicted the earthquake.
That Fat Pig Christie jumping up & down could cause an Earthquake; & kissing Jerry Jones old ass? Disgrace.— Frank Scaven (@fscaven) January 5, 2015
Praise be, Frank Scaven, who is clearly deserving of many more than just the 39 followers he currently has.
Cover photo not of Frank Scaven, but rather of former WWE superstar Earthquake. We're not sure yet if Leader Scaven wants other photos of him posted to the Internet.