Five Dates To Avoid At All Costs.
Let's face it: The argument for chivalry being dead is a strong one. But, once every full moon, when the breeze is just right, dates do still happen in this day and age.
So you might as well be prepared — just in case you're you're lucky enough to be asked out on an actual date or have enough balls to do the asking.
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Preparedness doesn't just involve great date ideas, though. It also includes avoiding downright horrible date ideas — ones that will only further bitter you and your date to the entire idea of courtship.
It's a tricky balance at play here. What you may consider the greatest outing of all time may, in reality, be one of the worst ideas you could possibly ever come up with.
Check yourself against this list to ensure you're not planning a laughable excursion for you and your prospective partner.
Bad Idea No. 1: A Picnic.
It doesn't matter how lovely, quaint or romantic the movies make picnics seem. The ugly truth is that they're uncomfortable. And sticky. And full of insects. Unless you're having an indoor picnic with candles, soft music and cool air conditioning, forget it. Have you ever looked at yourself in your car mirror at the end of the day? You know how you can see every single mistake on your face, down to the teeniest, tiniest blackhead? Take that and multiply things by 10 when you're sitting outside, midday, on a picnic blanket with a dude you really would like to make out with sometime. Yeah, you may think that you bleached the shit out of your mustache early in the week, but you could be wrong. You may have been patting yourself on the back for plucking even the smallest of eyebrow hairs — but perhaps you didn't notice all the irritated, red markings you left behind. Natural lighting is unforgiving, dangerous and exposing; therefore, so are picnics. Steer clear of this revealing date idea and, instead, opt for a walk around Klyde Warren Park or White Rock Lake. Moving together with the tantalizing idea of maybe holding hands is way more stimulating and safe. And it's prettier than sitting stagnant on a picnic blanket. Plus, who wants to sit on the ground? Trust me on this one.
Bad Idea No. 2: Any Dinner Involving Foreign or Messy Foods.
Foreign food is fun and different — but only when you're in an established relationship or with a friend who you're not trying to sleep with. Don't get me wrong. I love trying any and all food types at least once, and I've even been taken to an Egyptian restaurant on a date before. But was I halfway terrified of exploding in my pants unexpectedly throughout the duration of the night? Yes. Did I actually do that? No, but that's not the point. When you're planning a first, second, third, fourth or even fifth date, stick to unoriginal cuisine. You want to be as simple as possible when choosing eateries for dates– at least until you know exactly how this person's digestive system works. Yes, that may sound gross. but, hey, so are long-term relationships. Anyway, messy foods also fall under this bad date idea bullet point. Yes, wings and ribs doused in delicious, dripping sauces are incredible, but not when you're trying to be sexy. Unless, maybe, the dude who took you to said wing place thinks gnawing into chicken bones and smearing ranch all over your face is sexy. If that's the case, marry his ass. The bottom line here: Messy foods and foreign foods are just too high-maintenance and unpredictable. Daintily nibbling on lettuce is your best option until you've seen each other naked and accepted one another's flaws.
Bad Idea No. 3: Popular, Crowded Places.
Whether it's a bar, a restaurant or some other super-stereotypical date setting, don't be so uninspired that you take your date to a popular one. It's hard enough as it is to think of conversation to make in a quiet place, so sitting in a crowded, piercingly loud space where you can barely hear yourself racking your brain for conversation makes it even more difficult and uncomfortable. It's also sort of a cheap way out of not having to make any sort of connection with your date. When the setting is that loud, you just end up drinking way more than you should, people-watching and counting down the minutes until you're drunk enough to make a move. On the flip side, a boring and dead environment is equally as bad. Yes, exploring new dwellings in the area can be fun but, perhaps when it involves a date, you should let everyone else break it in first before you go and sit in silence with nothing to comment on except for how not-busy this new establishment is and how at least the wine tastes “OK, I guess.” When it comes to popular and new places of businesses, just avoid them. Go for what you know and own it.
Bad Idea No. 4: Anywhere Outdoors Between The Months of June and September.
Everybody sweats just like everybody hurts, sometimes. It's a natural and healthy bodily function of the human species. But when it's happening in your new summer dress and right outside of a bar during the Texas summer, it doesn't feel normal at all. It feels disgusting and embarrassing. This is a preemptive bad idea, but when summer rolls around here in Texas over the next quick months, just don't invite a date out to somewhere outside. There are, of course, some exceptions here. A lawn party with baby pools? Great! Laying around the FOE pool and soaking in rays? Even better! Sitting outside on a patio with no shade and barely any mist from the misting fans? Steer clear. There's already enough to worry about on dates. Adding in armpit stains and the oh-so-nasty upper lip sweat factor and you're not helping anybody. Instead, use the unforgiving southern heat as an excuse to hide indoors with your potential partner. Have a daytime movie marathon and get frisky on the couch. Dunno about you, but that sounds like a perfect summer's day to me.
Bad Idea No. 5: Not Having a Plan.
Far worse than all of these aforementioned not-that-great ideas? Not having an idea at all. As mentioned above, dates nowadays are so rare these days that, when they do occur, they really should be thought out. Don't go into it like a doucher with questions like: “So, uh, what do you wanna do?” or “Where do you wanna eat?” or “What are you in the mood for?” I've been asked all of these before and, let me tell you, these questions make a girl want to call a date off right then and there and walk back into her apartment , lock her dead-bolts and give up on dating forever. Have a plan. Even a loose plan will do. Beers at a bar down the road? Hey, it's better than a meager “I don't know.” You got us in the car with you. Do something with it, dammit! As long as that something doesn't involve picnics, foreign food, crowded places or the outdoors during summertime.