How To Be Single on Valentine's Day.
Tomorrow, we celebrate the holiday most Americans love to hate. Yes, Valentine's Day once again.
Say what you will about this holiday that makes it OK to love love, but we all know it's never not going to be observed at this point, so we might as well shut the hell up and deal with it.
Those of you attached this holiday probably already have your plans set. You'll most likely spend your night doing cliche things like going to a fancy dinner with a set menu, drinking expensive wine, giving your loved one some corny Valentine's-themed gifts and having kinda awkward and almost expected sex.
Those of us in the single boat aren't so lucky. But this doesn't have to be a night for us feel sorry for ourselves. Not at all. In fact, I'd argue, it's a night for the rest of us to revel in our singlehood, taking pride that you donâ€™t need a man or lady to have a good time on a Thursday night.
Honestly, we singles have plenty of options this year. Here are just a few suggestions for you to get your Single Valentine's Day going.
â€¢ Buy a bunch of cheap wine, round up your single friends and get plastered. I mean, how fun does that sound? Insist that everyone buys a bottle of vino that's 10 bucks or less, pick someone's apartment to take over and get to uncorking. Don't worry, my helpless, borderline alcoholic friends: This won't make you all depressed; it's a sign of solidarity, a surefire way to make sure you and the rest of your fun, classy and fiscally efficient friends have a good time.
â€¢ Plan a movie marathon with yourself or a chosen friend. Here's something couples don't want you to know: Going to the movies alone is the greatest thing since twist-off wine bottles. Think about it. Why do we need to go to the theater with someone in the first place? You don't talk. You just sit in silence and watch. This Valentine's night, plan a mini-marathon at the Angelika or Magnolia. Scope the times in advance, buy your tickets online and score yourself a big-ass bag of popcorn and an irrationally expensive plastic cup of alcohol from the concessions stand (a must, duh). Also, if you only buy a ticket for one movie but sneak into another, we promise not to tell anyone.
â€¢ Invite friends over for your own Valentine's Day set-menu dinner. You know those cookbooks you insisted on owning that are now serving as mini tables you stack other books on top of? Brush those babies off, find an entree course that seems impossible to make and just go for it. Just make sure your friends bring solid sides in case your attempt at becoming Julia Childs falls hopelessly to shit. There's no better time or reason to try your culinary hand than this Thursday night. After all, it is a night about love, and your friends will still love you even if you can't cook filet mignon to save your life.
â€¢ Dress to the nines and go out on the town! What better a night than Valentine's to go out and meet people? Don't play dumb. You know who's going to be out drinking on Valentine's Day? Other single people. You'll be hard-stretched to find a couple having a romantic rendezvous at, say, Barcadia, Anvil Pub or, say, The Double Wide's Totally '80s Prom Night. So pick a local bar you love or make a mini-pub crawl out of the night. Then go flaunt your singlehood in public like a boss. Who says we singles should be shunned and made to stay indoors for the entirety of the night? Couples don't own this town just because they're in committed relationships. If anything, they've openly relinquished that kind of control by going steady like that.
â€¢ If all else fails, just stay home alone. No need to treat Valentine's Day like it's any different from any other night of the year. Because y'know what? It is like any other night. Although it's nice, receiving a box of chocolates or a dozen roses or, hell, even a blow job on Valentine's Day doesn't represent your worth as a human. If anything, it just puts way too much value and expectation on boxes of chocolates, roses and blow jobs. Bring home a bag of chocolates, order a pizza, sit on your couch, drink wine alone and pay way too much money for an On Demand movie. When you wake up on Friday, the world will be back to normal — minus your chocolate and wine hangover. But, damn, if that hangover won't hurt so good.