Ugh. You Drank An Entire Faux Loko Last Night?
Feelings: Shame, regret, confusion and, of course, headache, nausea, lack of memory, etc.
Goal: Survive the day. Plain and simple.
Just a little over a year after the ban of Four Loko, some clever brain has come up with a mock recipe of the forbidden drink. Surely, you got the link to Faux Loko, yeah?
Rest assured: If you can stumble to the microwave, you can make peanut butter cup pretzel bites. And once you have, you'll feel better in no time.
Ingredients: Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and pretzel twists. That's it.
1. Sandwich peanut butter cup between two pretzels.
2. Place on a microwave-safe plate.
3. Microwave for 45 seconds.
4. Place in freezer for 15 minutes.
Now, if you have not yet experienced a Faux Loko and, if for whatever reason, all of those feelings we talked about earlier did not detour you, we'll reluctantly give you this recipe as well. First, some warnings:
– Proceed with extreme caution.
– Do not drink an entire bottle, it is intended to be split between a number of people.
– Do not drive.
– Do not be stupid.
– Take care of your body the preceding day.
Ingredients: 20 ounces malt liquor, 4 ounces 80-proof vodka, 1 Berocca tablet, 3 tablespoons Kool-Aid mix, 1 tablespoon sugar.
1. Put the Berocca tablet (recently available in the U.S., similar to Airborne) into a large jar (preferably 1 quart size).
2. Add 4 ounces (8 tablespoons) of 80-proof vodka, and allow tablet to dissolve most of the way.
3. Slowly add 20 ounces of malt liquor.
4. Add 3 tablespoons of Kool-Aid drink mix and 1 tablespoon of sugar.
5. Stir very gently with a long spoon until sugar is dissolved.