Oh, The State Fair of Texas Hates You? Maybe Making The State Flag Out of Corn Dogs Will Help.
Editor's Note: From 2012 to 2013, we ran a recurring feature on this site called Eat Your Feelings by Melissa Mackaly, who also serves as our expert on all things State Fair of Texas-related. Seriously, she's a little obsessed. Anyway. Earlier this month, Melissa entered into a competition to become one of the judges in this year's Big Tex Choice Awards. She didn't win. Upon learning this news, we consoled her and asked her if she wanted a forum to voice her frustrations. Unsurprisingly, she responded as only she could. Check her reply out below. You're gonna love it.
Situation: You lost the video competition for the chance to be a judge in this year's Big Tex Choice Awards? Oh, no! Wait, that's not right. You didn't lose the BTCA contest. I lost the BTCA contest. And after being selected as a finalist, no less! Let me tell you: It sucks. Hard. It's like finally getting a dream date with that person you've been crushing on for forever just to have them cancel at the last minute and twirl someone else around on the dance floor.
Feelings: How am I feeling, you want to know? Sad. Really sad. Really, really sad. And, of course, disappointed
Goal: I just make all the feelings go away — like, far, far away. And I want to heal my little broken heart before opening day of the State Fair of Texas on September 26.
Listen, guys. I know this is going to sound a little weird, but rather than run from this situation, I'm going to choose to remember the good times I've had with the State Fair. And then I'm going to take this healthy decision and make it decidedly unhealthy by dipping it in really, really hot grease.
So, let's do this: Let's make a Texas State Flag out of corn dogs.
Why? Because it's the perfect mix of self-torture and pleasure that this occasion requires.
• 1 cup of pancake mix
• 1/2 cup of yellow cornmeal
• 1 egg (beaten)
• 3/4 cup of milk
• 8 cups of vegetable oil
• 6 hot dogs
• 6 wooden corn dog sticks
• red food coloring
• blue food coloring
1. Take out a frying pan and heat your vegetable oil to 400 degrees.
2. Mix pancake mix, cornmeal, egg and milk in a bowl.
3. Separate the resulting blend into three different bowls.
4. Color one bowl with red coloring, one bowl with blue coloring and leave the last one plain.
5. Insert a wooden stick into each your hot dogs, length-wise.
6. Dip two hot dogs into each batter bowl.
7. Fry those bad boys in your heated vegetable oil until crispy.
8. Now lay the dogs out in Texas flag fashion: Your two blue dogs should be placed vertically along your left-hand side; your two plain ones should then be placed horizontally, above your two horizontal red dogs, all of which should be laid out just to the right of the blue ones.
9. Now take your mustard and draw a yellow star on the blue corn dogs, right in the middle.
10. Step back and look at that wonderful creation!
This really does make me feel better, y'all. Why? Probably because I'm so in love with Big Tex that I'm just hopeless anyway.
Whatever. One day, he'll love me back. I'm sure of it.