Bring Me My Dragon!

Breaking news, everyone: Uncle Joey from Full House is now saying that Alanis Morissette's “You Oughta Know” is not about him.

When speaking with Buzzfeed, Dave Coulier explained that, for a while there, he just got so burned out on being asked about being the subject of the song that he started to roll with the punches.

“You know, it’s just funny to be the supposed subject of that song,” Coulier said. “I asked Alanis, 'I'm getting calls by the media and they want to know who this guy is.' And she said, 'Well, you know it could be a bunch of people. But you can say whatever you want.' So one time, I was doing a red carpet somewhere and [the press] just wore me down and everybody wanted to know so I said, 'Yeah, all right, I'm the guy. There I said it.' So then it became a snowball effect of, 'OH! So you are the guy!'”

Why Uncle Joey waited 20 years to come clean is beyond us. Perhaps he was just sick and tired of the world thinking he was once fortunate enough to have a talented and beautiful woman go down on him in a theater. Perhaps he wanted us to realize that he's just a regular Joe. Perhaps he thought it was time that, when it comes to talking about him, we all just “cut it out“.

Wait, even that catchphrase wasn't really his? What the hell?!?!?!

Is anything what it purports itself to be any more?

Well, yes. The following events are all legit. Promise. — Chase Whale

Friday
A-Kon 25 at Hilton Anatole
Finally. It's here. A-Kon 25 returns for a three-day anime convention. Each year, it gets bigger and badder. You'll be surrounded by die hard fans, cosplay and food. If lucky, you'll beat some of the long lines. If not, there will be enough costumes walking around to gawk at and keep you entertained anyway. —Ashley Gongora

The Arts and Sciences Division at El Centro College Presents: The End at H. Paxton Moore Fine Art Gallery
All good things come to an end. To celebrate this depressing fact, six artists from The Arts and Sciences Division at El Centro College are showing their work for one month. The exhibit will be showcasing life and death, relationships and the apocalypse — things that end or have an ending. The mediums used are diverse, including painting, sculpture, photography and video. Enjoy opening night with artist Thor Johnson, who will open the reception with a didgeridoo sound set. — Chase Whale

Charlie Murphy at Addison Improv
If there was a second breakout star from Chappelle's Show, it was Eddie Murphy's comedian brother, Charlie, who served as an actor in many of the series' most memorable sketches, including a handful of sketches in which he shared the tales of some of his '80s exploits with his more-famous kin. You've no doubt heard this sketch's long-standing catchphrase, “I'm Rick James, bitch!” countless times. Just don't be the guy who shouts that out tonight. — Pete Freedman

Santa Julia Wine Dinner at Whole Foods on Park Lane
Wine connoisseurs: Here's your event for the evening. The Whole Foods at Park Lane is hosting a dinner featuring award-winning wines from the Santa Julia collection, with owner Julia Zaccardi on hand. As for the food menu? Here it is: Honey Citrus Grilled Shrimp Salad, Chorizo and Potato Frittata, Currasco Marinated Skirt Steak and Chocolate Cheese Cake with Macerated Berries. Tickets are $30, which isn't bad since the food will whet your dock and the wine ain't cheap. — CW

Iritation at House of Blues
You won't find more perfect blend of reggae, dub and rock anywhere other than from California band Iration. With life-, love-, pot- and alcohol-influenced lyrics — not to mention a mellow, reggae and folksy sound to back it up — this is the ultimate feel-good show of the weekend. The Green and Katastro open for our smoked-out fellows at the House of Blues. — Chrissi Chetwood

Hollywood Hits at Morton H. Meyerson Symphony Center
This year's summer movie releases look to be action-packed, and the Dallas Symphony Orchestra is getting in on the season with its Hollywood Hits concerts, featuring silver-screen favorites that are bound to make you go “Oh yeeaaahh!” Over half of the program features John Williams, which is to be expected, but Jeff Tyzik, the grammy-winning pops conductor, makes sure to include other cinematic hits into the program. The metaphorical curtain will be drawn today (Friday) and tomorrow (Saturday) at 8 p.m., and Sunday at 2:30 p.m. — Chris Escarfullery

Kevin Fowler at Billy Bob's Texas
Kevin Fowler takes hardcore honky-tonk approach to country, and his talent for turning complete cliches into full-fledged, kind of enjoyable songs is kind of remarkable. So, too, is his familiar local bar dude sound and attitude. Long story short: He's tough not to like — or to at least not actively loathe. Two-step your way on down to Billy Bob's tonight if you're looking for an answer to the question: “How country are ya?” —CC

$2 Main Friday at Shipping and Receiving Bar
For at least a little while now, the folks at Fort Worth's Shipping & Receiving venue have been going out of their way to make sure you know that they exist by throwing cheap-ass, high-quality shows with nationally recognized acts with local ties — like, say, $15 to see Ben Kweller in its intimate setting, or $10 for Sarah Jaffe. This show follows the same model, but on a smaller scale. Here, Oil Boom, The Orbans and Sammy Strittmatter will grace the stage. And it'll only cost ya $2. — PF

Ghoultown at Gas Monkey Bar and Grill (Free)
For more than a decade, “Count Lyle” Blackburn has fronted the Dallas-based hellbilly outfit Ghoultown, releasing nine albums, writing the theme song for Elvira's Mistress of the Dark and embarking on several European tours in the process. These days, the self-proclaimed cryptozoological expert stays busy penning a regular column for Rue Morgue as well as books on Big Foot and other — mythical? — monsters. Tonight, though, he'll be all about the rock. Manco Pancho and Just Another Monster open. — Cory Graves

Pink Smoke, The Phuss, Drug Animal and Dead Beat Poetry at Dada
Like its neighbors a few doors down at Three Links tonight, Dada will host a four-band, all-local punk bill tonight. This one features the '70s-leaning Pink Smoke and recent Magnetic Eye Records signees The Phuss, plus Drug Animal and Dead Beat Poetry. And if you like what you hear, consider joining in the fun: Pink Smoke will begin auditioning new drummers very soon. — CG

Sealion, SuperSonic Lips, Crimson Kid and Sharpy at Three Links
Like its neighbors a few doors down at Dada tonight, Three Links will host a four-band, all-local punk bill tonight. This one features margarita punks Sealion, eclectic outfit SuperSonic Lips, Crimson Kid and Fort Worth's Sharpy. — CG

Chambers (Album Release) at Dan's Silverleaf
After releasing three really epic promo videos – which you can find here – Chambers' new album, Inner Room, will earn an early release in the band's hometown tonight in Denton before being officially released next Tuesday. Judging from how much everyone's hated it so far — wink! — it'll be good getting to hear the thing before spending your hard-earned dollars on it. — AG

The World's Largest Dinosaurs Exhibit at Perot Museum of Nature and Science
For just one day, set down the booze, set aside that remote and give your eardrums a rest from the booming bass at all the local concerts you attend. Yes, all you need is one day to get in touch with your child-like innocence that is hidden deep, deep, deep within your bones — I promise, it's in there, somewhere — and go learn about some big-ass dinosaurs. At the The World's Largest Dinosaurs exhibit, you'll not only experience the hierarchical size of the 160-million-year-old sauropod Mamenchisaurus firsthand, but the inner workings of the creature as well. “Dinosaurs aren't awesome,” said no one ever. —CC

Holy Ghost (DJ set) at It'll Do Club
The Brooklyn-based DFA Records product has collaborated with everyone from Michael McDonald to Alan Palomo and James Murphy. More recently, though, the band churned out a timely cover of Drake's immensely popular “Hold On (We're Going Home)” that many are calling funkier than the original. Them's some strong words, to be sure. If you're in the mood to dance, it might be worth checking out how that one sounds as part of a DJ set in a room that also features a light-up dance floor. Dallas' DJ Redeye will set the table. — CG

Raiders of the Lost Arkat Angelika Film Center
With the slew of buzz this year on the internet surrounding Jurassic Park 4 (and Jeff Goldbloom), it's important to not forget about other Spielberg works that still have love going for them, like the first of the Indiana Jones trilogy, Raiders of the Lost Ark, which'll be showing at 11:30 p.m. at the Angelika. Yes, we said trilogy. Before it got ruined by that monstrosity of a fourth installment. Same thing goes for Saturday night. Get tickets here. — CE

Troll 2 at Inwood Theatre
Ohhh myyy Goddddd! Troll 2 returns to the Inwood Theatre this weekend. This movie is so bad, the kid in it grew up (as humans tend to do) and made a documentary about it called Best Worst Movie. Nevertheless, it's actually not awful to watch. In fact, it's actually a lot of fun. Hilarious one-liners meant to be taken for reals and goblins (not to be mistake for trolls) fill this ambitious little horror film that swept the nation decades after release. Warning: It may offend vegetarians. — CW

Saturday
Red Bull Cliff Diving at Possum Kingdom Lake
Partying on a boat? That's just a Texas summer tradition. Partying in a barge as world-class divers in the distance take massive leaps of faith and dive into the water below? Well, that's kinda new, actually — at least so far as massive, sanctioned extreme sporting events go, at least. But it'll be the scene this weekend out at Possum Kingdom Lake just the same as Red Bull brings its 2014 Cliff Diving World Series to North Texas for a Friday and Saturday filled with ridiculous, over-the-top jumps and, naturally, various boating blowouts. The most noteworthy part, perhaps? The whole thing's free to attend, although you will need a boat — or just a solid friend with one — to set yourself up for the best views of the diving action. (Rent a boat here, if you've got the means.) — PF

George Strait at AT&T Stadium
Since 1975, George Strait has employed the same group of backing musicians — a group collectively known as the Ace in the Hole Band. And, on Saturday, after the culmination of an 18-month “Cowboy Rides Away” farewell tour, the King of Country will part ways with the outfit he's been with for nearly 40 years — for good. Before that, of course, the group plans on going out with quite the bang. To that end, the “Final Farewell” show that's set to go down this Saturday at AT&T Stadium in Arlington will bring together a who's who of country royalty to town. Per Strait's most recent press release, Asleep at the Wheel, Jason Aldean, Kenny Chesney, Eric Church, Sheryl Crow, Vince Gill, Faith Hill, Alan Jackson, Miranda Lambert and Martina McBride will each perform three songs to open the show. For that reason, gates to the stadium's plazas will open at 3 p.m., and the show itself will begin at 6 p.m. — CG

Little Dragon at South Side Music Hall
Little Dragon has been making big waves as of late, especially with the release of its dance-inducing single “Klapp Klapp” earlier this year. And, lucky us, the band has made its way across the pond to tour in support of its fresh-pressed album, Nabuma Rubberband. Yes, all of the band's albums are stellar, but it's the group's live shows that are raved about. Oh, and if the idea of a Leonard Cohen-esque voice booming over 808 beats and haunting production interests you, then show up on time to catch Lawrence Rothman as the opener. Don't miss out. — CE

ArtCon Presents: WRECKED at Life In Deep Ellum
In addition to performances by Dark Rooms, FRENCH 75 (with DJ Mouth Mold) and Ronnie Heart, you'll be visually stimulated by deconstructed- and reconstructed-themed pieces from over 40 curated artists at ArtCon's WRECKED. Here, you'll have the opportunity to put in your bids for some awesome art, all while raising money for ArtCon's X Event later this year. This is expected to be just as sweet as last year's taxidermy-themed event. ArtCon exists for some pretty great reasons, raising funds and awareness for all causes creative, so come out to Life in Deep Ellum and keep this dream alive. — CC

A Hard Night's Day 20th Anniversary Show at Granada Theater
Having played throughout the world, spreading the gospel of Paul, John, George and Ringo for 20 years, this Dallas-based super cover band is paying homage to its beginnings tonight at the Granada Theater. Armed with some 200 near-perfect Beatles covers in its catalog, the AHDN crew is sure to provide a good time. — CE

Belmont Stakes Day at Lone Star Park
In this evening's 146th running of the Belmont Stakes, California Chrome will try to become horse racing's first Triple Crown winner since 1978. And, yes, Lone Star Park is simulcasting that sucker. Also, throughout the day, the park will host live races of its own and .38 Special will perform “Hold on Loosely,” plus a bunch of similar-sounding hits. — CG

Backyard Show with Daniel Markham and Mills & Co. at The Wild Detectives
There’s something about coffee shops and bookstores that just go together. Kinda like how coffee shops and live acoustic music are pretty much made for each other. Just like Bishop Arts' trendiest new coffee shop typically offers up some of the most interesting literature around, they'll also host performances from locals Daniel Markham and Mills & Co. in its backyard at this party. — CG

16 Bars at 406 South Haskell Avenue
Intent on putting shine onto a new crop of Dallas rappers, this event will feature performances from Crit Life, That Kid Cam, Jarvis Hodges and two of our own personal favorite area up-and-comers in Terrence Spectacle and Brandon Ford. — PF

Bowling For Soup, Nerf Herder and The Dollyrot at House of Blues
High school really never ends — and neither do two-decades-old pop punk bands. While BFS, celebrated its 20th anniversary earlier this week, Nerf Herder — whose frontman Parry Gripp went on to pen such YouTube hits as “Chimpanzee Riding on a Segway” and “Hamster on a Piano Eating Popcorn” — is currently crowd-funding its first new record in six years, and The Dollyrots released its fifth LP earlier this year. So, if you like early '90s pop-punk, this show is very clearly for you. So, too, is is Nerf Herder's earlier-in-the-day, free performance on the AstroTurf at Good Records. — CG

White Denim at Shipping And Receiving Bar
Before releasing Corsicana Lemonade in 2013 — an album that frontman James Petralli has said “sounds the way we do onstage” — this Austin-based rock outfit made frequent appearances in North Texas. But unlike the last several, which have all come in Dallas, this one will go down in Funky Town. Catch the band tonight before it tapes an episode of Austin City Limits later this year. — CE

Romeo Santos at American Airlines Center
While still a young boy growing up in the '90s, Anthony “Romeo” Santos became one of the first musicians to mix pop music with oft-vulgar, African-influenced Bachata genre of his native Dominican Republic. Now in his 30s, he finds himself perpetually atop the Billboard Latin chart and filling arenas worldwide. — CG

Borgore at Lizard Lounge
“Ratchet” is the ever-so-popular bit of slang that has caught on like a wildfire in a trash pile. It's also the title of the first single from EDM DJ Borgore's upcoming #NEWGOREORDER EP. Whether that song ends up being the anthem of the summer remains to be seen. Whether it's a term that the folks who show up to this Lizard Lounge gig will try to live up — or more accurately, down — to will be more immediately apparent. — AG

Tiki Luau Lot Party at Double Wide
Much like last month's Cinco de Drinko party, you can expect the parking lot of the Double Wide to be decorated with luau-inspired decor while still staying true to the charm it's known for. Throughout an evening filled with live DJs and, surely, the occasional lei-inspired pick-up line, you can expect a limbo competition, a lady-kini competition and a man-kini competition to be thrown down — and with catering from Good 2 Go Tacos, too. — CE

One-Year Anniversary at Twilite Lounge (Free)
Before opening their bar a year ago, 1310-AM The Ticket producer Danny Balis and Slobberbone bassist Jess Barr told us they chose the name Twilite Lounge because the name already carried with it its a certain level of cachet. Twelve months later, The Twilite Lounge has a brand of recognition all its own thanks to its stellar reputation for stiff drinks, its upscale dive-y decor, its personable bartenders, its tight-knit clientele and the cleanest restrooms you'll in Deep Ellum by a mile. Tonight, they'll celebrate a successful first year with a set of free performances courtesy of Dallas alt-country outfit Somebody's Darling. — CG

Most Excellent Fest at Lydon House
Out in Fort Worth, this event offers a taste of Austin's local music scene. Most Excellent Fest will feature 10 bands, the majority of which are Austin-based, plus Jean Jean from France. It's a free, all-ages event — so no excuses! The best part? For a $5 donation, you get unlimited cold beers all evening long, provided you bring along a valid ID, of course. Yeah, sounds pretty excellent to us. — CC

Allah-Lahs at Dada
Los Angeles' psych-leaning garage rockers the Allah-Lahs bring its brand of Zombies- and Kinks-influenced tunes to Deep Ellum. Locals The Cush and Horse Thief also perform. — CG

Dallas Egg Show at Night Hotel
Never will you see more majestic eggs in your life, promise. Eat your heart out, Faberge. — CC

Sunday
Heavy Glow at Boiler Room
San Diego '70s-leaning psych rockers, Heavy Glow, released its latest LP, Pearls and Swine and Everything Fine, earlier this week. BLURT! Magazine critic Fred Mills said of the new disc: “…what these cats do is righteous and right…bluesy slice of Free-meets-Grand Funk… the album evidences a keen understanding of what made the aforementioned decade [1970s] such a vital one.” You can stream that one here. — CG

The Courtneys at City Tavern
For sounds that will potentially make your “ears cream”, check out Vancouver outfit The Courtneys, which will bring its '80s- and '90s-influenced, sun-drenched pop to Downtown Dallas for this one. Fellow female-fronted North Texas acts The Chloes and Toy Gun open. — AG

Howie Day at Kessler Theater
Sure, he's been arrested for locking a woman in his tour bus bathroom. But even the best fall down sometimes, right? Day's hoping that, 10 years later, his fans will have forgotten all about that ugly incident. To that end, not releasing any new albums in the past five years has gone a long way toward helping us forget he ever existed. — Jessica Petrocchi

Little Dragon cover photo by Marco van Rijt. To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.

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