Party Like It's The End of the World!

You guys know that the world isn't really ending, that Mayans still exist and that your jokes aren't really all that funny, right? Cool. Just checking.

Far more important: This is your last weekend to Christmas shop if that's a thing that you do. (Shoutout to all the non-Christians who have to pretend to care about Christmas woes!) But if you've already gotten that taken care of, there are plenty of events going on.

This weekend is sort of like everyone's last hurrah before they're forced to spend time with their family, which is a terrifying prospect to some. Way more terrifying than the end of the world, which, again, is not happening and, for the love of god, stop the terrible jokes.

Friday
This Will Destroy You at Granada Theater

If you don't want to be alone when the world ends (because that's totally what's going to happen tonight, you guys!), you could show up to a theater full of people and listen to some moody instrumental music. Fill your night with angst and then die.

House Harkonnen at Double Wide
Enter “Beastmode” and rock your heart out with House Harkonnen, who are releasing their new album, Vol. 6 on vinyl tonight.

Los Lonely Boys at House of Blues
You might know the popular “Texican” band for their adult contemporary hit, “Heaven,” but their tour schedule is so intense that, chances are, everyone knows them by now regardless. The band released their fourth studio album, Rockpango (or “rock party”), last year. It's an album name that fits the end-of-the-world party panic that's sure to happen tonight.

Bryan Adams Exhibit at Goss-Michael Foundation
If, like me, when you heard “Bryan Adams Exhibit” you thought that meant that famous musician Bryan Adams would be put on display, you might be a little disappointed to learn that this is not the case. What should cheer you up, though, is that Bryan Adams is also a renowned photographer, and this is a prime opportunity to check out his work.

Santa Claus vs The Martians at Trinity River Theater
Just in time for the season (or the end of the world!!!!!!!), you can see a play about Santa Claus getting kidnapped by Martians — Martians who just want to experience the joys of Christmas! Without having seen the play, I can tell you I'm 100 percent team Martian.

Preservation Hall Jazz Band at Live Oak Music Hall
The legendary jazz group from New Orleans (a city that is no stranger to great jazz), will be performing tonight. What is it about Christmas and jazz that go together so well? Whatever it is, it's enjoyable.

The Smoke's '60s Dance Night at Sons of Hermann Hall
Do you like dancing, but find modern music obnoxious? Well, you're out of touch, my friend, and everyone probably hates you. But you can comfort yourself at Sons tonight with a bunch of other people who fetishize the '60s. Dance the night away to tunes from an era where “music was good.”

Trap'd in the Closet with DJs A1 and Tryone Smiley at It'll Do Club
Two of the town's finest DJs take their talents to one of the town's finest danceteria's tonight, bringing a slightly more hood-oriented flavor to the normally house-inclined venue.

Saturday
Polyphonic Spree at Lakewood Theater
It's the 10th annual Holiday extravaganza with Polyphonic Spree! Celebrate in style with one of your favorite local bands.

Nearly Naked Nutcracker at Trees
I'm not going to take a cheap shot at the weird implications of the title “Nearly Naked Nutcracker” (wait… oops), but this Broads and Panties event is part titillation and part charity event for Hoodies for Hoody, a clothing donation organization for the homeless. Good cause, right? Get in the spirit.

Good Morning Apocalypse at Deep Ellum Comedy House
If you're tired of your hilarious friends' Facebook status updates about the end of the world, maybe you should get your jokes from some professionals? This is a sketch comedy about the end of the world, which could either be a hilarious commentary on mass-panic or a cheap cash-in on the whole “the world is ending” trend.

Lo-Life/Dreamy Soundz Listening Party at The Chat Room Pub
Now's your chance to listen to the Lo-Life/Dreamy Soundz compilation tape in-between live performances by Doom Ghost, War Party, Great Big Belugas and Longshots. And, hey, it's only a fin! (That's “five dollars” for those of you that aren't hip to Clueless slang.)

Cosby Sweater Party at Lola's Saloon
Do people own sweaters that aren't Cosby sweaters? Why even bother with that sub-par winter-wear? I'm not interested in any sweater that's not giant and patterned. Get yourself dolled up in one of those sexy sweaters and come out to see Skeleton Coast, Blackstone Rangers and Calhoun perform tonight.

Zhora and Ice Eater at Double Wide
If you saw Zhora at Hometown Glory (and you should have!) you know that they fucking rule. So I don't need to tell you why you should see them tonight. But I will anyways: It's because they fucking rule.

Better Than Ezra at House of Blues
Two decades in the game and Better Than Ezra is still kicking, having cultivated a not-insubstantial following of alt-rock fans. The real mystery, though, is why this band won't say how they got their name. I just really want to know, you guys.

Sunday
Gift Rap at WAAS Gallery

Local rappers Bobby Sessions and Jenny Robinson join forces with local juke and slimerave purveyors Ynfynyt Scroll and AiR DJ at this gallery-hosted affair.

R+R Sundays at Rio Room
Grammy-winning local hip-hp producers Play-N-Skillz continue their Rio Room residency, which seems to have only become more and more popular of late. Expect that trend to continue as people with “real jobs” are on “vacation” next week.

Trans-Siberian Orchestra at the American Airlines Center
Are there multiple versions of Trans-Siberian Orchestra? If not, how does this outfit manage to tour basically the entire country in the span of the holiday season? I don't really get it. But, hey, we'll all have two chances to ponder that on Sunday as the group takes their totally epic Christmas music to the AAC for two shows on this day. Pretty sure the 3 o'clock show is the exact same as the 7:30 one, though.

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