Have Fun Wondering How The Edge Stole Christmas.

Do you hear that? That's the sound of secularism slowly dying, as there's an extraordinary amount of Christmas events happening this week.

For real: If you're in the mood to celebrate baby Jesus, now's your chance (aside from the big day, of course). In addition to holiday merriment, there's also a wealth of concerts this weekend.

So why stay in?

Santa's totally not coming for a few days, bros.

Friday
Turbo Fruits at Dada

Aggressive, brash and certainly loud, Turbo Fruits are the band you'd want to listen to when you're going to get yourself into some trouble. Sound like a plan for tonight? Joining them are PVC Street Gang and Sealion.

How the Edge Stole Christmas at Verizon Theater
How did The Edge steal Christmas? And why did The Edge just decide to steal Christmas, and not any of the other holidays? What does The Edge have against secularism? Maybe they'll answer these questions tonight. (Probably not.) While you ponder these things, you can enjoy performances by Silversun Pickups, Metric, Fun., Grouplove, Passion Pit and more.

Dustin Cavazos Album Release at Trees
Dallas rapper and producer Dustin Cavazos is releasing his highly anticipated In and Out of Sleep album at this show. After the success of his previous two LPs, I Think In My Shower I Dream on My Bike and Be.Leave.Me, this shouldn't be a release show to — wait for it — sleep on.

Batman Live at American Airlines Center
After the trilogy ended, it seems America's favorite vigilante superhero has fallen on some hard times. Now he's touring the country, spinning tricks like one of those highly trained poodles. But, hey, it's not all bad! He's probably saving money on the rental space for his bat cave.

Penguin Prison at Rio Room
Electro-pop musician Chris Glover got his name after he was accidentally locked in the penguin room of an aquarium, an experience he described as “like a prison” and “smelly as hell.” Luckily, he escaped in time to release his successful self-titled album, and eventually tour the country. To this day, he refuses to play aquarium shows.

Ishi at Winston's Supper Club
Local electronic favorites Ishi will be playing tonight at Winston's Supper Club, a spot that calls itseld Dallas' “most exclusive nightclub.” Good luck trying to get in, suckers. This shit's exclusive.

Saturday
The Babies at Bryan Street Tavern
Unlike actual babies, these Babies are pleasant to listen to. The garage rock group's recent release, Our House on the Hill, is notably lo-fi, with in-and-out vocals that keep the tracks interesting. Wouldn't it be sad if you missed The Babies because you were babysitting? Priorities, man.

Santa Rampage
What the fuck is a Santa Rampage and how do I avoid this at all costs? Just kidding. It's actually a bar crawl where you're encouraged to dress in a Santa suit, because that is in no way creepy. Nope. Not creepy. Anyway, I highly encourage everyone to click the link above just for the sheer joy of the impressive Santa puns. My favorite is “Santarchy.”

Double Wide Flea Market and Glitzkrieg!
By day, the Double Wide will be hosting it's monthly flea market, but, by night, the venue turns into a sordid glamour party known as “Glizkrieg.” There will be a glam booth (obviously), fashion vendor Handmade by Bonnie, go-go dancing and music by Sir Name & The Janes and DJ Joey Glitz. Your eyes will bleed glitter, and so will other unmentionable orifices.

NightScare Before Christmas at Moxley Manor
So, Christmas just isn't scary enough for you, huh? The relatives, the shopping stress, that's not enough? Fine. Poop your pants while holiday elves chase you around with knives (or whatever happens at a haunted Christmas mansion that makes you poop your pants), but don't say I didn't warn you.

Slobberbone and Ronnie Fauss at Dada
Slobberbone, Denton's would-be favorite southern rock band (except Denton don't play favorites, ya feel?) will be in Dallas tonight with Ronnie Fauss, singer-songwriter and frequent collaborator with members of the headliners. A match made in heaven? We can only hope.

Sour Grapes Artist Reception at Public Trust
While the artist collective Sour Grapes turns Public Trust into a store to buy artist merchandise, Favio Moreno will debut his first solo exhibition, When All Else Fails. Moreno's work centers on reappropriated religious iconography, while using contemporary color schemes that mirror more contemporary art styles.

Panther City Bazaar at Lola's
A chili cook off! A raffle! Bake sales! Pretty much everything you'd want out of life, assuming your wants are related to food and/or raffles! The proceeds benefit Rockaway Beach, so remember that you're doing it all for a good cause.

Oso Closo Christmas Show at Where House
Who better than the uber-theatrical Oso Closo to put on a Christmas show? I mean, isn't Christmas theatrical in and of itself, with all of that tinsel and shit? Arena rock without an arena, all at a Christmas show that's not on Christmas. Too perfect for words. (Except for the words that I just typed.)

Sunday
Wallflowers at Palladium
Let's be real, you still have “One Headlight” on that nostalgia playlist you concocted, and you occasionally cry while listening to it because it's just so beautiful. Relive those tears tonight. Drown in them.

Brian Setzer Orchestra at Allen Event Center
Is it really even Christmas if you haven't seen a Brian Setzer and his 18-piece orchestra play Christmas music? No. No, it's not. Get ready, you guys.

Fun. photo by Lindsey Byrnes.

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