Let The Coathangers Abort You at Bryan Street Tavern.

Welcome back to the weekend mega-post! We give this post tons of protein and inject it with steroids so that it'll be big enough for you! In the morning, we feed this post three dozen egg yolks and make it look at photos of the Disney Beauty and The Beast character Gaston for inspiration.

And it works, too!

Especially this weekend, which is crazy awesome.

On Friday, you get to pick between The Coathangers at Bryan Street Tavern and The Dirty Projectors at The Kessler. Meanwhile, Saturday's offerings include a pug fashion show! And at the end of the weekend, you can relax (or not) at the Endless Summer Party while wearing your favorite vintage swimsuit (unfortunately, though, your 1994 board shorts don't really count).

Friday
The Coathangers, Jaill and Sealion at Bryan Street Tavern
The Coathangers initially formed as a joke, but now they're an actual, totally kickass (and still sort of joke-y) punk band. Super-serious and emotional ballads such as “Shut the Fuck Up” and “Pussywillow” have helped them win over plenty of hearts and vaginas everywhere.

The Dirty Projectors and Wye Oak at The Kessler
The Dirty Projectors' Swing Lo Magellan is definitely a departure from the band's previous records, but judging by its warm reception, it's a welcome one. They'll play on this stacked bill along with Wye Oak, who last year released the incredible Civilian.

Dallas Blonde Beer Launch at Katy Trail Ice House
Deep Ellum Brewing Company is launching its new blonde beer that will be available year-round at Katy Trail Ice House. I've been racking my brain for an appropriate blonde joke that I could use in this situation. This the best I can do: Two blondes walk into a bar and then somebody drinks them!

Larry g(EE) and Kirby Brown at Prophet Bar
A few days ago, Larry g(EE) returned to town from a summer of touring the country as part of the Warped Tour, and he's celebrating his homecoming with a show alongside his pal Kirby Brown at the Prophet Bar. We assume he'll also be celebrating not having to be around tweenagers all the time.

Saturday
Project Pugway Fashion Show
Earlier this week, the words “Project Pugway Fashion Show” popped up on my computer screen, and I immediately died. The combination of pugs and puns was too much for me to handle. Goodbye, sweet world! Anyway, this is exactly what it sounds like, an event that features pug fashion! Pugs don't really need clothes, though. But, then again, do people really need clothes? Yes? OK.

Bludded Head Album Release at Rubber Gloves
Denton noise metal group Bludded Head, who are adorably managed by band member Nevada Hill's daughter, will be releasing their first album at Rubber Gloves. Bang your head a bit and get angry! Then buy a CD!

Neil Halstead at Good Records
If the sweet, calming music isn't enough for you, realize that this is the closest you may ever get to British singer-songwriter Neil Halstead's beard.

Sunday
Urinetown at Irving Arts Center
While the name is silly, Urinetown is probably one of the best satirical musicals ever released. Lampooning capitalism, politics and corporations, it's definitely the kind of musical that would best be received in this recession era.

The Endless Summer Swim Party at FOE
I know that this is going to be a delightful summer bash, but the idea of an endless summer makes me want to curl up inside some restaurant's walk-in freezer. I might just come out of my frozen paradise for this party, though, because with food, vintage swimsuits and various Dallas media groups playing volleyball, it's bound to be awesome. (Note to the Granada Theater: You're totally going down!)

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