Set The Bar Low.

One super bored statistician recently began a website where he compiles statistics from different studies that really have nothing to do with each other but seem to correlate nonetheless.

While the results are technically meaningless, it's still funny to think that the more films Nic Cage makes in a year, the more likely you are to fall into a swimming pool. Or the more cheese you consume, the more likely you are to die by becoming strangled in your bed sheets. Or the more money the U.S. spends on its space program, the more of its citizens are likely to hang themselves.

You never know; maybe there's some correlation there after all.

On the other hand, here's one we can verify: The longer you read the following list of fun happenings in North Texas this weekend, the more likely you are to find some kickass ways to spend your weekend. — Cory Graves

Friday
Possessed by Paul James at The Prophet Bar
Even at a festival jam packed with like-minded acts like March's Big Folkin' Fest, it was Konrad Wert and his Possessed by Paul James alter ego that was the biggest highlight of the weekend. His presence at this affair wasn't new — Wert played the same small Prophet Bar stage he did this weekend at the festival's initial run back in 2012 — but it served as a reminder as to why this Texan remains such a musical treat. Armed with a rickety chair, a couple of stringed instruments and an un-mic'ed wooden plank he stomped upon for percussion, Wert hollered his way through a rapid-fire 30-minute offering that — finally — brought a little folk to the Folkin' Fest's forefront. His was a rowdy, compelling and ultimately inspiring display — not to mention the set that drew the loudest and most appreciative vocal reactions from the audience. Bad Mountain and Sugarfoote and Company, which also appeared at the fest, open. — Pete Freedman

Heavenly Beat, AXXA/ABRAXAS, Tidals at Double Wide
Austin/Brooklyn's Heavenly Beat (read: the side project of Beach Fossils' John Pena) is always solid, sure. But you better catch the band whilst you still can. Says Pena, that while he plans on putting out a new HB record every year forever, this will be the band's last tour. We'll see. Axxa/Abraxas and Tidals open. — CG

Gramatik at House of Blues
No matter if you like electronic or hip-hop more, Grammatik has enough of both to satisfy. Tonight he'll be spacing out at House of Blues, so join him and Lettuce. Hold the tomato. — Chase Whale

Batman at Inwood Theatre
I'm not sure how old you are, but the Batman I grew up with — and the man who will always be The Dark Knight to me — is Michael Keaton. He and Christian Bale each played the Caped Crusader really well, but Keaton brought more darkness and depth to Bruce Wayne, and I will cut you if you disagree. — CW

“Rodgers and Hammerstein at the Movies” at Morton H. Meyesron Symphony Center
One of two things is true: “movies” caught your eye, or you know who Rodgers and Hammerstein are. If not, here's their Reader's Digest Central Track story: these two make up perhaps the most respected and influential musical theater writing team. Some of their hits that won them tons of prestigious awards: Oklahoma!, The King and I and South Pacific. This is good news for you, as the Meyerson will be playing digitally remastered scenes from these three films while Dallas Symphony Orchestra performs the songs. Way cool. — CW

Living Colour at Kessler Theater
How misleading. I was hoping for an In Living Color reunion, but we're stuck with the cool Living Colour, who'll be here to play their debut album, Vivid, from front to back — aka from “Cult of Personality” to those other 15 songs you don't quite remember. Dove Hunter opens. — CW

Radioactivity at Three Links
Is it ever a bad thing when The Marked Men's Jeff Burke and Mark Ryan collaborate? When reckon not. The pair's Radioactivity project released its debut this past fall, and it was full of the same sugary punk perfection the group and its offshoots (read: Mind Spiders, Bad Sports) have released in steady doses over the past few years. Now, not only is the group already working on a follow-up to that one, but it released a new seven-inch in the meantime, which you can stream here. Street Arabs and Codetalkers open. — CG

Busdriver at Dada
How often do you think about how an artist comes up with his name? Think Busdriver's dad hauled a lot of kids to school when his was young? Or maybe the rap artist bonded with one over a grilled cheese sandwich? Anywho, Clipping, Milo and Kenny Segal also perform at this one. — CW

Camilla Sparksss, iill, Lily Taylor, Moth Face at Oliver Francis Gallery
Arthur Pena says his recently shuttered Vice Palace DIY space will live on as “a roving curatorial music project.” Its next show, in conjunction with Dallas Distortion Music will bring Canadian filmmaker/electro-punk musician Camilla Sparksss to town as part of her first string of performances in the country. You can stream her most recent work here. — CG

“What If Hewlett and Packard Had Started a Band Instead?” at University of North Texas
Michael Seman of Denton band Shiny Around the Edges — has a doctorate degree in urban planning and public policy, and who also recently sat down with the Washington Post to discuss how members of local bands are often key figures in the creative community, and how they can play important roles in a city's urban development — has been invited by the UNT geology department to discuss his latest research project in which he'll “use Denton's music scene and others to examine the power of music scenes as catalysts for economic and community development.” More specifically, the Denton music scene-centric lecture will go down in EESAT (First Floor, Room ENV 130). — CG

The Shining at Angelika Film Center
Yes, Stanley Kubrick's The Shining is one of the greatest horror films of all time. Have you seen it? Good. Now see it in a theater, and then pick up the book sequel, called Doctor Sleep. It's not nearly as chilling, but it's a good read on Danny (the boy in Shining) all grown up an an alcoholic still seeing dead people. — CW

A Tribute to Marvin Hamlisch at Bass Performance Hall
Since the dawn of time, only 12 humans have ever EGOTed (won an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony). Composer Marvin Hamlisch, though, is the only one to have also won a Pulitzer and a Golden Globe. All weekend long the FSO will play tribute to the The Spy Who Loved Me composer/supreme badass who passed away in 2012. — CG

Pegboard Nerds at Lizard Lounge
One thing's I'm certain about: Scandinavian trance duo Pegboard Nerds played with Bright Lights a lot as kids. If I'm wrong, you can punch me in the face. Actually, don't. Just dance. — CW

Micky & the Motorcars at The Rustic (Free)
Fun fact: Micky and Gary Braun, who head up this Austin-based alt-country outfit, are the brothers of Willy and Cody Braun of the band Reckless Kelly. That's one talented family. — CG

Tory Lanez at Trees
Tory Lanez — not to be confused with mega porn star Tory Lane (who we only found out about just now when we accidentally hit “enter” a tad too soon, we swear) — is a lost cause. Don't believe us? Just look at the name of his tour. The Canadian rapper has been called “the next big thing” for a couple years now, so maybe the pressure's finally getting to him. — CW

Sean & Zander at Fred's Cafe
Sean of Sean & Zander is Sean Wheeler of Throw Rag. Zander is Zander Schloss of the Circle Jerks, among others. With that pedigree, you're probably thinking this is going to be a punk show. You'd be wrong: This duo specializes in era-spanning Americana, while, granted, maintaining a punk ethos. Head to Fred's to check out the interesting juxtaposition. — Stephen Young

Never Been Kissed at Texas Theatre
Never Been Kissed will always have a special place in my heart. It was the first advance screening I ever went to, and the title is an accurate story about my high school life. Just kidding. OK, not really. — CW

Saturday
Party Madness 64 at The Prophet Bar
It's not a party until Andrew W.K. shows up, but this event is already ahead of the game because he will be there, along with a shit ton of other bands, most of which are videogame related. Those would be The Protomen, Psychostick, Bit Brigade, Urizen, Mega Ran, Professor Shyguy, The Photo Atlas and Gigaforce. Why you ask? Because this thing's also a celebration of all things Nintendo 64, including a Mario Kart tournament, cosplay opportunities, etc. Party hard. — CW

Bonobo at House of Blues
Simon Green, also known as Bonobo, likes to grab samples from wherever he can to add into his layered, moody, and intricate beats. Sometimes it's deliberate; he'll go from record store to record store and paw through items to find possible samples. Other times it's just because he heard a noise and liked it, which is why he always carries a tiny microphone around with him so he can capture a sound whenever he hears it. He dropped coins into a fountain one morning and decided to record it. Then he hopped onto the train and recorded the sound of the automatic doors. That's what is so awesome about this guy: he's always recording a sound, and the majority of the sounds in his music were recorded by him and not conjured up digitally. Who knew all the sounds you usually tune out from everyday life could make music this good? — Jordyn Walters

Asia at Granada Theater
Know why you're gay? Because you like Asia. Seriously, who frames an Asia poster? All kidding aside, when the “Heat of the Moment” prog-super group comes to town this weekend, it'll do so with three-fourths of its original lineup intact. Not bad. — CG

Art Garfunkel at Majestic Theatre
Stop what you're doing and head to the Majestic, half of Simon & Garfunkel will be play a show tonight (I will let you guess which). Here's hoping he's got more in his bag than just coming out and singing nothing but the high harmony parts to that band's hits. — CW

Ringo Starr at Verizon Theatre
If you've got designs on seeing both surviving members of The Beatles in concert this week, you'll have to start with this offering from the band's now-74-year-old drummer Ringo Starr tonight. We believe in you. — CG

Social Distortion at Gas Monkey Live
Despite a revolving door of backing musicians and struggles with addiction for the group's only constant member, frontman Mike Ness, Social Distortion has managed to survive the fickle punk scene for 30-plus years. Credit it to their mix of hardcore punk, rootsy blues-influenced outlaw country and an unrelenting desire to go out on their own terms. The bigger story tonight, of course, is the fact that the show also marks the grand opening of Gas Monkey Live!, Dallas' newest 2,500-capacity venue. You can find 4,000 words worth of our thoughts on the place here. — CG

Suspiria at Texas Theatre
Dallas Neo-Classical Ballet wants to present two of their new works in style. They're screening Dario Argento's witchfest, Suspiria, followed by their new dance pieces. — CW

Literature at Macaroni Island
The last time Literature was in Dallas was four years ago (I know. I looked it up. Twice.). Guess this means we need to show them we know a good time and pack the house [venue] out. Fishboy will be playing, and he's a resident favorite. — CW

Bethan (Album Release) at Three Links
Bethan has a lot of talent behind it, which you can Google and read about. The melancholic chamber pop quintet officially released its long awaited debut LP earlier this week, which is what's being celebrated at this show. This is a record you will want to add to your collection, I can feel it. Dark Rooms, Home By Hovercraft and Calvin Chynoweth open. — CW

Red River Showdown at The Cotton Bowl
Unlike it has every year for the past decade-and-a-half, the 109th meeting of Texas and Oklahoma won't be one of the best games in the country this weekend. Hell, 11th ranked OU and the three-loss Longhorns won't even be the best game in the state today — that honor goes to 9th ranked TCU who'll take on 5th ranked Baylor, both of which are undefeated. The biggest reason we've thrown this event in here is to give you a heads up how crazy packed the Fair is going to be this weekend. — CG

Red River Music Festival at The Cotton Bowl
Festival season is out of control, you guys. Dozens of musical festivals have already gone down this year — including Paste's Untapped: Fort Worth, the Fort Worth Music Festival, Suburbia Music Festival, JMBLYA, Homegrown Music and Arts Festival, Richardson's Wildflower Festival, Radfest, Rageville, March Madness Music Festival, Big Folkin' Festival, Spillover and South by So What, Elm Street Music & Tattoo Festival, Dia de los Toadies, Clearfork Festival, Summer Cut, Oaktopia and Index Festival to name a few. So what makes this Texas-OU, four band, red dirt bill a quote-unquote festival? Fortunately, we've got the answer to that. — CG

Cyclesomatic Swaptoberfest at Community Beer Company
One of many bike-friendly events planned to coincide with this month's Cyclesomatic activities, this one will feature a good ol' fashioned bike swap. Buy/sell/trade bikes, pick up parts and accessories from on-site vendors and grab samples of Community's award-winning brews while you're there. — CG

Memphis Dawls, Hares on the Mountain at The Wild Detectives
The Memphis-based band (shocker I know) appeared at each of the first two Index Festivals. If you were bummed they weren't back for the third incarnation a couple weeks back, you can fill the Memphis Dawls-shaped hole in your heart this evening. Denton's Hares on the Mountain open. — CG

Mr. Pookie at Andy's Bar
Time flies when you're Mr. Pookie. Fifteen years ago his landmark album The Rippla unleashed on the world and helped put the local rap game on the map. The “Crook For Life” rapper will celebrate this career-defining album tonight Andy's. The night will start off with a number of beat battles. — CW

Breakaway Music Festival at South Side Ballroom
As opposed to the long-running KDGE program that was once hosted by Josh Venable, this Adventure Club is a Canadian dubstep duo. Like Skrillex, who the group sites as an influence, these musicians were also members of a Montreal-based pop-punk band in a former life. This weekend they'll perform alongside DVBBS, EDX and others in a much-downsized Breakaway Festival that's so far removed from last year's FC Dallas Stadium-held offering it probably should have just gone ahead and changed its name. — CG

Bobgoblin at Lola's
This one's got a little something old and a little something new. There was a time a couple decades back when Denton's Bobgoblin were the biggest heavy acts North Texas had to offer. Tonight they share a bill with fellow 817 acts The Dang-its, Blank-Men and The Lash Outs. — SY

Nervous Curtains, West Windows, Danny Diamonds at City Tavern (Free)
Denton musician Daniel Folmer is a known rabble-rouser, a miscreant whose reputation in the region — in certain circles, at least — surely precedes him. No need to go into exact details here, but let's suffice it to say that there's a good reason why Folmer, who in the past has released music under the Danny Rush, called his backing band “The Designated Drivers.” For all that prior free-wheeling, though, recent times haven't been so jubilant for Folmer. In turn, there's a sort of morose pop element to this self-titled batch of garage-tinged songs released last month under his new Danny Diamonds moniker– kind of a Daniel Markham-like feel. But there's maybe another reason for the sonic development: After recording his last few efforts in Denton, Folmer came down to Dallas to record this new one, working with This Will Destroy You drummer Alex Bhore at Oak Cliff's Elmwood Recording. He'll return to Dallas tonight to perform along with Nervous Curtains and West Windows at this one. — PF

Colony House, Knox Hamilton at The Prophet Bar
Fun fact: Two-thirds of Franklin, Tennessee rock trio Colony House are the progeny of noted Christian musician Steven Curtis Chapman. The band sites everyone from Kings of Leon to Tom Waits and Switchfoot as influences on its sound. Oof. Coheadlining this one is Little Rock's Knox Hamilton, a band which also contains a set of brothers. These guys come recommended for fans of Phoenix's most recent album. — CG

Sunday
The Wind at Texas Theatre
Victor Sjöström's The Wind was shot in extremely intense conditions. It was super hot, the film stock melted a lot, re-shoots had to happen and everyone on the shoot were sweaty and miserable. But, they got the film done and it's a classic from its era (Silent Film). Austin's The Invincible Czars will be providing a live score, which is always a cool experience. — CW

Porches, Frankie Cosmos at City Tavern
Porches are always on the move, changing, learning, growing. They go well with Frankie Cosmos, a four-piece band that are known for their loony rock 'n' roll love songs. Perhaps because they share a drummer? Laugh Track opens. — CW

Southwest Freedom To Fly Concert at Klyde Warren Park (Free)
Southwest Airlines is celebrating the end of the Wright Amendment not only with its new logo, paint jobs for its fleet and slick new ad campaign, but with this free-to-attend outdoor concert. The big names playing this thing include Robert Earl Keen, Jack Ingram, Kelly Willis & Bruce Robison, Ray Benson, MilkDrive and Uncle Lucius. — CG

Cyclesomatic: PhotoVelo Scavenger Hunt at The Wild Detectives
The long and short of it is that this is an Instagram scavenger hunt to be completed on bike. Further details and prize info can be found here. — CG

My Brightest Diamond at Kessler Theatre
The mastermind behind My Brightest Diamond is singer–songwriter and multi-instrumentalist, Shara Worden, who was former a backup singer for the weird and wonderful Sufjan Stevens. This Is My Hand is the Diamond's fifth studio album, hot off the press, so expect a heavy dose of that at this one. — CW

The Local Hang at Double Wide
Central Track's bossman Pete Freedman and staffer Cory Graves will be hanging tough at Double Wide tonight. What is a Local Hang? Glad you asked. Freedman and Graves will be playing nothing but the best of the best local music while those who show up to this on sip on the $3 you-call-its. Just come hang, OK? — CW

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.

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