Hit The Lights.

As of last year, Carol Aebersold and Chanda Bell had sold over 6 million copies of their Elf on a Shelf book/doll combo. According to the book, the titular elf is a scout for Santa that creepily watches ones kids and reports on their behaviors back to Santa.

The system works well enough at controlling one's kids this time a year. According to one Australian professor, though, the elves are actually just a tool used by the government in order to condition the next generation to be increasingly cool with NSA surveillance. It's scary stuff, to be sure.

Even scarier than elves on shelves? Elves on the sauce — especially when they decide to get behind the wheel. If you can avoid any and all encounters with drunken elves this week, though, it should be able to have yourself a merry little week.

Sunday (12.21)
Sorta at Twilite Lounge (Free)
Reunited and it feels so good.

Centro-matic at Dan's Silverleaf
Last ever. Show ever.

Monday (12.22)
Lightwire Theatre at Majestic Theatre
A very electric Christmas.

Home Alone Pizza Party at Alamo Drafthouse
Go easy on the Pepsi.

Cool Out at Crown and Harp
With special guest DJ Sober.

Tuesday (12.23)
REVOLT at Three Links
With The Scandals TX and The Wife and Kids.

Videogame Night at Renfields Corner
Game on.

Miracle on 34th Street at The Magnolia
It's silly, but I believe.

Wednesday (12.24)
Merry Tuba Christmas at Thanksgiving Square
It's all about that bass.

Die Hard at Alamo Drafthouse
Yippee ki-yay, motherfuckers.

Thursday (12.25)
Hagfish at Three Links
They need your happiness.

Hares on the Mountain at Dan's Silverleaf
Merry Christmas, asshole.

Friday (12.26)
Lights All Night at Dallas Convention Center
With Skrillex, ZEDD and more.

Wreck the Halls at Dark Hour Haunted House
'Twas the nightmare before Christmas.

Heart of Dallas Bowl at The Cotton Bowl
Illinois vs Louisiana Tech.

Ralphie May at Addison Improv
Too big to ignore.

Shakey Graves at Kessler Theater
Roll the bones.

Saturday (12.27)
Lights All Night at Dallas Convention Center
With Armin Van Burren, Disclosure and more.

Somebody's Darling at Trees
With Dead Flowers, Goodnight Ned, The Van Sanchez

Holiday Hootenanny at Gas Monkey Live
With Reverend Horton Heat, Jello Biafra, The Riverboat Gamblers, Wayne Hancock and more.

Cozy Hawks at Twilite Lounge (Free)
Goddamnit, It's Xmas.

Three-Year Anniversary Tour at Peticolas Brewing Company
Drink local.

Robert Earl Keen's Merry Christmas From the Fam-O-Lee at House of Blues
The party never ends.

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