Speak Volumes.

The helpful folks over at Discovery News put together a video laying out exactly how one goes about surviving an ostrich encounter gone awry.

The main thing to remember? Never run. Ostriches hate that.

Feel better about leaving your house now? We sure do. And to celebrate your recent emancipation, we've put together a helpful little guide of our own as how to best survive your Tuesday. We advise you give it a quick perusal before beginning your evening. — Cory Graves

Diet Cig at Double Wide
Alex Luciano and Noah Bowman have found a way to make it acceptable once more to admit you're kind of into twee: just sing about all kinds of gross shit. For whatever reason it's a formula the New Yorkers really make work. Prism Cloud opens. — CG

It's Just Banter Live Taping at Off the Record (Free)
If you're a listener of KTCK 1310-AM or 96.7 FM, you probably feel like you already know TC Fleming and Jake Kemp well. And if you're not a listener of The Ticket? Well, whatever. Hopefully, by now, you've at least checked out their It's Just Banter podcast, which, we've partnered up with to release every Wednesday. Either way, you've got your best opportunity to familiarize yourself with these two tonight, as they tape this week's edition of “your second favorite podcast” live at Off the Record. — Pete Freedman

Hackers 20th Anniversary Screening at Alamo Drafthouse
Today marks the 20th anniversary of 1995's Hackers, a cult favorite when it was released, given that most folks didn't know much about the internet back then. Over the years, the film has morphed into something of an unintentional comedy. — CG

Real Ale Beer Dinner at Whiskey Cake
Whiskey Cake, too, is hosting a five-course beer dinner this month, partnering with Real Ale Brewing Co.. The menu will focus on “the flavors of Texas fall,” courtesy of chef Stan Rodrigues. RSVP in advance to ensure you'll have a seat at the table. — Porttia Portis

Louisa Hall Reading/Signing at The Wild Detectives
Louisa Hall, the Philly raised, Harvard and UT educated author who dwells in Austin is coming through The Wild Detectives for a reading. She'll read from her novel, Speak, which has gotten its fair share of positive chatter in the literary community. The novel has an interesting premise, as it deals with artificial intelligence and inherently human conditions. — H. Drew Blackburn

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.

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