Clue In To White Mystery.

Thirty-three-year-old Toby Sheldon isn't the only person who has ever wished he looked a little bit younger. We're just guessing here, but he's probably also not the only person who has ever wished aloud that he look a bit more like Justin Bieber.

He is, however, the only person who has ever spent five years and over a hundred grand on surgeries to make himself look like the teen idol.

It's also one of the absolute creepiest cases of superfandom we've ever heard. Surely, there is an infinite list of things upon which that money could have been better spent. Off the top of our heads, we can think of at least five things more worthy of your cash just tonight alone.

El Conde Dracula at The Ochre House
For the fifth straight year, The Ochre House will be ground zero for the Dallas Flamenco Festival. This year, the venue hosts a rather unique combination of Halloween spirit and the cultural traditions of Flamenco as choreographer Antonio Arrebola portrays the roll of Dracula in this Matthew Posey-penned dance-centric retelling of Bram Stoker's classic tale. — Cory Graves

White Mystery at Bryan Street Tavern
They may be a drums-and-guitar, boy/girl rock duo with the word “white” in their name, but White Mystery is in no way just another cog in the long line of White Stripes rip-offs that have saturated the blues-driven indie-rock scene throughout the past decade. For one thing, Alex White and Francis Scott Key White are actual siblings. Then there's their fuzzed-up guitars, tendency to mix a little psychedelic flavor into their '60s garage rock leanings, and the big, matching mops of curly red locks they bang around tirelessly for most of the duration of their sets. — CG

How the West Was Won at Magnolia Theatre
One of the last of MGM's old-fashioned epic films, How the West Was Won boasts a 162-minute running time divided over the course of five segments, using three different directors and 24 A-list '60s actors. Deemed one of the most “culturally significant” films of its day by the Library of Congress and bolstered by one of the all-time great soundtracks, this protracted look at our country's westward expansion during the 1800s is undoubtedly worthy of this series' “big movie” distinction. — CG

Cuff Me at Eisemannn Center
Whether or not you've daydreamed about finding your very own Christian Grey or Anastasia Steele whilst reading the popular E.L. James novels, you'll probably find this parody musical pretty funny just the same. If nothing else, it'll just be something to tide you over until the 50 Shades of Grey movie actually comes out. The songs in this one are sexed-up, Weird Al-style takes on current pop tunes, and the jokes promise to be funny even if you're not of the porno novel's book's cult following. — Jessica Petrocchi

Hey Marseilles at Dada
Due largely to the prevalence of accordion and a vague sense of worldliness in its tunes, this Seattle-based orchestral-pop outfit has drawn numerous comparisons to fellow Northeasterners The Decemberists since its debut LP was released back in 2010. To be fair, lead vocalist Matt Bishop does sound a wee bit like The Decemberists' Colin Meloy. But, now, with a sophomore LP, a handful of major festival appearances and a national tour under its belts, the band that Seattleites have long pointed to as the band from that region most likely to break nationally is finally starting to gain some traction in that regard. You, Me & Apollo, Nicholas Altobelli and Home By Hovercraft open. — CG

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.

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