Bid Centro-matic Farewell.

Per a teaser clip from an upcoming episode of Investigation Discovery's My Strange Criminal Addiction, a guy named Robert Wells thinks he's found the fountain of youth — and that fountain (or is it fountains?) is the urine of children. For what it's worth, and for all the supposed urine drinking he's been doing, Wells doesn't necessarily look all that young.

A more surefire method for holding onto one's own youth, we've discovered, is just to stay active. There's many a place in Dallas worth leaving the couch for tonight, most of which serve much tastier beverages than urine, too. — Cory Graves

Centro-matic at Kessler Theater
We won't really blame any North Texans for feeling as if the Toadies' year-long celebration of Rubberneck's 20th anniversary has maybe run its course at this point. But maybe this dismissive attitude is simply due to the fact that most people don't truly grasp what a massive feat it is for a band to simply stay together 20 years, much less while continuing to tour and release albums. The difficulties surrounding this accomplishment are something Denton luminaries Centro-matic certainly know well. And how: In September, band leader Will Johnson posted a lengthy entry on the band's official blog, announcing that, after 19 completely drama-free years together, Centro-matic will end its run following this month's tour. Wrote Johnson in that statement: “For a handful of reasons, the time finally feels right to celebrate the existence of this thing, then let it rest. I do think that the four of us will embark on some musical endeavor together again, but can't say that it will be within the realm or tone of what Centro-matic has done.” So perhaps South San Gabriel or any other of the bands' possible future alter egos will live on in some form. But after tonight, Centro-matic, as it currently exists, won't be performing in Dallas ever again. — CG

Last Tango in Paris at The Magnolia
It's been called “the most powerfully erotic movie ever made” as well as “pornography disguised as art.” Either way, Marlon Brando's X-rated 1972 flick — and its notorious butter scene — drummed up plenty of controversy upon its release. — CG

Tequila and Tamales at Latino Cultural Center (Free)
Eat, drink and pass judgment on a whole mess of complimentary tamales and margaritas. The only real question here is salt or no. — CG

Augustana at Trees
The piano-heavy, San Diego indie rockers craft a generally pleasant brand of '90s-leaning adult contemporary. But really the band's existence can be best summed up by a Season 1 episode of The Big Bang Theory in which Leonard declares its song “Boston” is damn good. Yeah, Sheldon agrees, “If you're compiling a mix CD for a double suicide.” Need we say more? — CG

Justin Timberlake Sing-Along at Alamo Drafthouse
Suit (and tie) up and head over to the Drafthouse for another one of Action Pack's tribute nights. This one, as you may have guessed, will feature a boatload of Justin Timberlake music videos. It's Christmas time, so we can only hope “Dick in a Box” gets its fair due. — CG

Cannabis Corpse at Dada
Yes, Cannabis Corpse is a weed-themed death metal band. And while the band's name and pretty much all of its song titles are parodies of Cannibal Corpse, its tunes are 100 percent original. Mammoth Grinder, Inanimate Existence, Embalmed, Steel Bearing Hand open. — CG

Circa Survive at House of Blues
Change into your favorite black t-shirt, because tonight is the night for aggressively loud prog-rock, high-pitched voices and probably a feeling deep inside your gut that tells you that you should feel sad for some reason. — Chelsea Upton

A Christmas Story at Music Hall at Fair Park
In recent years, the '80s cult Christmas classic has gotten the Broadway treatment. Still, although the production's been thrice nominated for Tonys, the fact that there's no song called “You'll Shoot Yer Eye Out, Kid” in this musical adaptation still seems like a bit of a missed opportunity. Anyhow, it runs through Sunday, December 14. — CG

Bacon's Birthday Party at Lee Harvey's
Lee Harvey's loveable bar cat turns nine — though she doesn't look a day over six. For real, though, that's like 53 in human years. That's a long time to have to avoid drunk folks stepping on your tail and whatnot. All that is to say, grab a half-price burger tonight and raise a glass to that familiar, four-legged, breakfast food-adoring pal. — CG

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.

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